BF-ing help please?

[Misscatathome]

Hello,

I’ve been a lurker here for a while but finally worked up the courage to post. I have a bit of a bf-ing journey and just wondered if anyone had an advice or tips to keep me going. I’ll try to be as succinct as possible!

We EBF until week 8 when my DS started fussing at the breast. At week 9 we had a full on nursing strike, he was screaming whenever I tried to put him on the breast (very embarrassing in front of my in-laws), and was only latching on maybe 1/3rd of the time so I started giving him expressed milk. He’s always been a little bit slow growing but by now he had started to lose weight. One night I couldn’t express anymore (nothing was coming out) so we caved and gave him a bottle of formula and called a lactation consultant who referred us to a paediatrician. She also recommended nipple shields which actually made a huge difference.

We saw the doc who said DS had a tongue tie and a ‘bubble’ palate, the paed cut the tie but warned us that LO might not be able to feed without nipple shields (he still can’t create a complete suction because of the palate).

DS will now latch on about 60% of the time with nipple shields, the rest we’re giving expressed and the odd bottle of formula. I hate the nipple shields and I hate giving him bottles (it’s a very obvious reminder of how much I’ve failed), but I can’t use hunger to get him back to the breast as his weight gain is still so slow (he was 25th percentile and is now 2nd).

I can’t handle DS, nipple shields and a bottle in public (if I’m not fast enough he screams and then won’t even take the bottle) so I can’t feed him when I’m out and about so I’m stuck at home. I think my milk supply is dropping from the irregularity of the feeds and I’ve got a blocked duct which is just getting tender but not quite mastitis yet.

Tried my local breastfeeding support group but it was so not helpful I left in tears. Friends and family have all EBF and although my DH is willing to help he has to work a lot so can’t be around for the days.

If you’re still here, thank you for reading my epic! Does anyone have any advice about any of it? I’m running out of steam, I’m going to try my hardest to keep going until 3 months (two weeks to go) but I can’t see myself surviving until 6 months...

Thank you 🙃

You have to do what works. It’s really good that he’s latching on with nipple shields. Please don’t feel ashamed to use them many people have too and although they are a bit of a faff if your baby needs them you just have to accept it. I know a few babies that have used them and eventually become practiced enough to ditch them a few months on so you never know.

Fussing at the breast. Are you letting him come to the breast himself? Ie. Not pushing head towards it? Lots of babies don’t like to be manhandled and as a lacto consultant pointed out to me it would be like someone pushing your head into a plate of food as you sit down for dinner. It’s really hard to not become flustered and stressed but you have to try and remain calm and let him route whilst very gently supporting head if needed. when he is latched then you bring in your pillow or whatever for support.

Are you feeding plenty at night? It’s true that this creates more milk and will help keep supply up.

Use hand expressing and massage to target the area of the breast that is blocked and keep expressing and feeding to clear. You should have been shown how to do this (lots of people aren’t though). I’m sure you can look up online.

Before expressing with a pump, massage your breasts and make sure you are close to baby or even have their clothes and scent nearby. You need both oxytocin and Prolactin to realease milk. Prolatin relys in touch (that’s the massage) and for oxytocin you need to be close to baby.

I’m really sorry that your local group wasn’t supportive. That’s really sad to hear. You sound like you are doing amazingly given the circumstances!

Breastfeeding can be so so tough when it’s not working out how you imagined so I think first do all you need to try and let go of any guilt and focus on the only important part - getting your ds fed. Can you go back to the lactation consultant for more advice?

Would expressing more milk for ds instead of trying to latch be an option? I’m in the US where many mums return to work at 12 weeks and then pretty much pump every few hours and only latch mornings and nights which would give you the option to get out without worrying about latching and maybe give you some peace of mind. Expressed milk is still breastmilk so if that is your goal then please don’t feel like a failure! If you google pumping schedules for returning to work US they have lots of information of how often and all that. It is a lot of work though and might not be the best choice for you.

I don’t have any other advise for nipple shield or bubble palate but hopefully someone will be along with some personal experience.

Please don’t feel like a failure if you use formula either, honestly in a year you will have so many other things to make you feel mum guilt that formula vs breastfeeding will feel a million miles away.

Hi the refusing to latch sounds a lot like my DD. It took me a while to figure out what is going on but she has silent reflux and sometimes she would scream and fuss when I attempted to latch her. We have meds at the minute which have seemed to help her. I could here her regurgitating but she didn't actually vomit any milk. She would only really sleep when being held upright and would be sneezing and coughing after a feed.

It's so stressful when they start screaming and refusing to latch and I too was hesitant to take her out in public. I found the following website helpful.

kellymom.com/ages/newborn/nb-challenges/back-to-breast/

Good luck.

Crap, really didn’t mean to sound judgy about using shields/formula. It’s me failing my own expectations rather than me thinking that either choice is failing your baby. Not enough sleep and not thinking through my words...

I’m definitely thinking about whether I can boost my milk supply with something like fenugreek and just expressing as much as I can, that way he’s getting my milk. @coffeeandrainbows I’ve always been horrified by leave in the US, one of my colleagues had to stay at work while his wife was dying as they needed his medical insurance - so unhumane IMO.

@grandmaswagbags the lactation consultant told me to bring him to the breast but I’ll definitely try the calmer approach, DS seemed to prefer it that way before this mini-crisis, he was so good he was even latching himself on 😭 I’ll keep with the massaging to try and clear the duct and get more milk.

Thank you for your support and advice, I wasn’t sure where else to turn ☺️

Trust me, I've been there with the rush and the screaming in public! It makes you feel terrible, doesn't it?

First this: it’s a very obvious reminder of how much I’ve failed
You must, must, must try to change your perspective on this. You are doing your absolute best under extremely rough circumstances. Say kind things to yourself. Even experienced mothers would be struggling in your situation: it's so hard when they don't latch.

I, too, aimed for 3 months when feeding twins was really hard, and told myself I'd take it from there depending on how it was. You've done AMAZINGLY well.

I have no specific advice as I've never heard of bubble palate: have you tried la leche league? 0345 120 2918. They're usually pretty good.
Kellymom is a good website too, worth a look.

Just remembered: someone on here found biological bf/nurturing worked for them. I think it's a different position/approach. May be more suited to at home... I'll post some links. Haven't fully checked them as my toddler is losing patience with my googling!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=KWj_fXUe2sg

breastfeedingusa.org/content/article/some-ins-and-outs-laid-back-breastfeeding

La Leche League have been really helpful for me when my DD got fussy and I was worried - my local one has a Facebook group which has been a great source of advice and support, as well as monthly meet ups.

The advice they often give if you're worried about supply and trying to boost it is to firstly keep putting baby to the breast, as much as possible, and do lots of skin to skin time when you can. Babies themselves are generally a much better boost to supply than trying to express or taking supplements.

If you're both getting stressed at home, have you tried taking a bath together? The skin to skin time is nice, and sometimes they will latch on better when relaxed and warm etc.

Hey,

Just to say breastfeeding is hard! I found it really tough and switched to combination feeding after 3 months. I felt a bit like a failure but actually it really helped me as I was exhausted and stressed from feeding. She's now almost 7 months and still breastfed so could be worth a shot.

The only other thing I'd say is if you do need to stop don't beat yourself up. We do our best but sometimes it's okay to need a break.

I would recommend looking for another breastfeeding support group. Children's centres often have good ones.

Thank you for your support, the links are really helpful. I’ll have a google for my local La Leche League. I had such conflicting advice about breastfeeding from ‘its so easy all you have to do is put them near your breast and they do’ but also mums who just couldn’t do it. It is SO hard I’m not surprised we have such low breastfeeding rates 😓