What to do? Hard time bf - hate having erected nipples

[moumoute]

Hi all,
I have a 5 weeks old baby which I breastfeed and bottle feed. I had terrible pain during the first days of breastfeeding and that's why we are now combining. I believe that baby doesn't much milk as he always drinks formula after breast milk. He gets fussy at my breast, pulls and unlatches. I don't breastfeed at night to stay sane in my head. I'm sure it has a big impact on the milk production...
I am not enjoying breastfeeding during the day and I borderline would lose my temper now. I feel so guilty because "breast is the best" but I have such a bad time breastfeeding and I fear baby knows it.
I tried pumping on midwive advice but it was certainly too early (3 days after birth) so it was painful and so little milk was collected.
Besides the struggle of having a good latch, the pulling, one of the biggest issue is that I hate the feeling of having my nipples erected all the time.
I also haven't found the right breastfeeding pillow, I ordered 2 and both are rubbish.
What to do now?
Try pump again? Stop breastfeeding and have a better atmosphere? Try to do it at night? (I might go really insane). Can I increase milk production or is it too late?

How do you cope??

Thanks for your tips and sorry for my mistakes English isn't my first language.

Sweetheart seriously it is okay to say bf didn't work out and to transfer to ff. Ask your HV to talk you through cutting down steadily to avoid mastitis.

Do you know anything about nursing aversion? It’s a thing when the sensation of breastfeeding is just. It pleasant for you. It’s jot about pain or bad latch, it’s just the sensation. I had it when my eldest had been feeding for ages, and it made me furious and on edge .

You’re right that not feeding at night might have an impact on supply, although only you can tell how much (from not at all, to a fair amount). Do you really need to increase supply? The best way to do that is by feeding more. Not necessarily at night...

You could try expressing again - what you get out is not always indicative of your supply though. I can only pump around 1.5oz, but my baby clearly has more than that at some feeds otherwise he’d probably have wasted away by now.

I’m not sure that bf cushions are at all necessary. I didn’t have one, although a v-shaped pillow is useful for propping you up, and any cushion under the baby isn’t a bad idea.

Do what works for you. Don’t be guilty about anything, get advice from bf supporters locally if you want. Your baby will be fed, he will grow and eventually how he’s fed won’t matter. I know it’s big deal now, but it’s honestly best to do what works for you.

Hi op, are you on the uk?
Google NCT and contact them, they provide fantastic devise and support for breastfeeding.

I agree, setting up breast feeding is really tricky, it took me weeks to feel comfortable, and hated all the fussing, unlatching etc. But got through it with lots of support from professionals.
BUT if you can’t get the support, then don’t give yourself a hard time about giving up.
Could you say to yourself that for the next two weeks you are going to find all the advice and support you can( midwife, health visitor, nct, ) then you can feel like you tried your best.
I realised when I became a mother that we all think breast feeding comes naturally, but that only works if you come from a culture where you have seen a thousand latch ons by the time you become a mother, which was a big chunk of human evolution, but is really rare now.

Hope you get some answers , congratulations on your baby

I wonder if you could tolerate pumping once at night? Pick one feed where your dh will do a bottle and you will pump instead.

You’ve had some great advice here.

(I say pump at night because that’s when the breastmilk production hormone prolactin is highest, so if your supply is dwindling then getting some overnight milk production going will help.)

Breast feeding isn't for everyone, so don't worry if you decide to move to formula only. I had two weeks of struggling to get my supply up, but found it pretty straightforward afterwards and particularly preferable in the middle of the night. But I think I was lucky as didn't have sore nipples, mastitis etc. But I believe happy mum, happy baby. So do what's right for you and your baby and don't feel guilty if you do decide to stop.

Thanks everyone for your lovely replies and support.
@ColonelCakes should I get a great pump machine? I rented the medela in the early days.
@ohyesiam I'm in Scandinavia and I had a 2 hours appointment with a specialist when baby was 8 days old. It helped, I used shields for a while. Now I can't get a good latch with shields and he keeps removing them because imhe is agitated.
I can see this breastfeeding specialist again.
@callamia I need a breastfeeding cushion because it's too heavy on my arms and back. The regular pillows aren't hard enough and it's more struggle. I researched and it sounds like I am having nursing aversion indeed. Continuing seems masochistic!? I can't stop for him but I would definitely stop otherwise. I had moment when I hurt myself in order to take the attention away from bf sensation or fail. When I want to increase supply? Maybe it would help him to stop pulling and sessions would be shorter and more efficient? I think he gets very little of my milk as he often drinks 100ml formula after sucking on my breasts for 20-30mn. If I do one hour he will drink 60ml formula. It's a lot of work to do both breast and bottle every time.

I wonder if I am just not being brave enough! It doesn't seem easy for many women. Where to draw the line...obviously I am on the edge so not far from drawing the line.

It's a good idea to give myself a deadline.

Thanks guys

Ps: expressing by hand seems very hard. I get only one drop at a time when I try. Is it a sign of low supply or do I have to insist? Or press hard? I need a consultant on that one too. I find it such an odd thing to do.

If you can easily rent a double pump I would definitely give that a go and get a hands free pumping bra. I would definitely see that specialist again. Ask about tongue tie.

There’s no shame in quitting but it sounds like you don’t want to (yet). Good luck!

I had moment when I hurt myself in order to take the attention away from bf sensation or fail

This sounds like hell. You need to stop for the sake of your mental health. It'll be much better for your baby to have a mum who isn't so distressed. Honestly please stop torturing yourself.

I had moment when I hurt myself in order to take the attention away from bf sensation or fail

Op, this sounds exactly like me with my ds. I would slap myself and bite myself because I hated feeding him so much.

I had never heard of nursing aversion until recently but I am now sure that's what I had. I had been feeding for almost a year when it hit and continued feeding for another year - god knows why. It wasn't worth it - be kind to yourself!

OP I dont think its worth your mental health either. I really struggled at he beginning and even felt resentful that I had to struggle what felt like alone (dads cant do much can they) but never felt I would hurt myself. Happy mummy always trumps 'breast is best'. Dont beat yourself up if you switch to formula. Your bond with your baby is most important.