I underfed my baby for about 4 weeks, can't belive or forgive myself

[Miha17]

I have an almost 5 month old baby girl whom I underfed from about 8 weeks to 12. She was mixedfed from birth due to low milk supply and I was working on increasing my milk supply. Once it got to a level where I had about 70% breastmilk (by expressing roung the clock) I was told to drop the formula and give the baby the breast instead as this would increase my supply. This didn't seem to go according to plan and my baby was constantly crying which we put down to colic (she was very colicky from 1 week old) or silent reflux. She didn't gain any weight for about 3 weeks and then only 100g for 2 weeks when we realised she was starving. Since then I have been feeding her between 30 and 35 oz per day and she put on 2 lb in 4 weeks and she is now the happiest baby ever. Very good sleeper too. However i cannot get over the fact that I was almost starving my beautiful, healthy baby. It is killing me day and night :((( Has anyone had a similar experience? Did babies catch up and did well both physically and mentally when growing up?

Please forgive yourself. Motherhood brings lots of guilt but it wasn't your fault.

My DS1 had severe reflux. And wanted to feed all the time. We had a Gastro-pediatrician from the age of 9months. It was only when he was 4 YEARS old that he was diagnosed lactose intolerant. I'd been feeding him dairy at every meal! Poor mite, no wonder he woke 8 times every night - he was in so much pain.

I still feel guilty about that but I followed the doctors advice.

He is now 6 and solid muscle and only waking once a night. I've suffered more long term than him!

I still feel this guilt too... my twins were born at 36+4. Day 1 my boy was found to have low blood sugars and I asked could we give him formula to help? I was told no, we would try 3 hourly feeding, colostrum expressing. My poor little man's bloods went down and down and I was up all night expressing the colostrum and it was only when I insisted that we gave him formula that they got me some.. he guzzled it and his levels went sky high. On the next feed they wanted me to express again (why did I agree?) and his levels plummeted.. at which point I did insist on formula top ups.
In the meantime his sister needed phototherapy for jaundice.. day 3 she had lost 14% of her body weight, a whole pound :( he had lost 11%. We had a fab midwife this day so quite agreed that formula top ups weee the way forward as clearly my milk wasn't giving them enough.
I later found out that blood loss (I had lost a litre) actually stops your milk coming in too.
I think it's safe to say from this thread that we all tried and did what we thought was best. xx

You're doing great, I totally agree about not producing enough milk, yes ebf is fabulous and if you produce loads that's great but I was like you and I didn't produce enough and felt terrible, once I introduced formula at about 6 weeks I think my DD started thriving and gaining weight.

Funnily enough when I weaned her I don't thing I was giving her enough, the clue came when I went in the kitchen one day to find her with her mouth literally stuffed to the brim with cat food from my poor cats bowl - we upped her food after that!

She was on the 50th centiile when born, and in the infant school when she got her letter stating her weight etc (the 'fat' letter) she was fine, and I checked her on the centile chart and she was at exactly 50% - so it all goes well in the end

Enjoy your baby and please don't cry

These stories are so heart breaking. I don't know what to say -- OP it is awful you were given this advice by HCPs responsible for your baby's care. Is there any way you can put in an official complaint? Give some feedback to the teams that further training might be needed on these issues and the importance of making sure baby's requirement filled st all times - not pursuing EBF at all costs and to be aware some mums will not make a full supply.

These stories are so aligned with everything fed is best is saying and so many examples of cases where exclusive bf was pushed over and above what is physically or practically possible for the mother. But the focus on ebf is not just an accidental case of poor practice, it is enshrined in official guidelines that say ebf is the best and supplement should be avoided unless medically needed. I've also heard it commonly said in bf support circles that virtually all mums can make a full supply - this is what may be underlying the problems - if this is what HCPs believe they may be reluctant to recommend supplement. But there was never evidence to support the idea all mums can ebf. The studies don't exist.

Folks who have stories here might contact fed is best - they are trying to push for change in practice. The bf organisations don't like them and have accused fed is best of having formula ££ but fed is best have always been clear they have no links with formula or any other companies.

Miha I felt such sympathy for your battling on to express at 4am, please don't express, try feeding the baby directly at night. Prolactin levels are so much higher at night, it really boosts supply to try feeding then, even if you express in the day. Fwiw, the whole point of breastfeeding is that you can do it at inconvenient times like in the middle of the night rather than struggling with equipment.

please don't get hung up on goals either...like if I carry on until I introduce solids etc...breastfeeding fits so well with weaning and beyond. You can go on mixed feeding, breastfeeding directly and formula in food, cereal etc, mashed potato. I breastfed twins till they were two and they were getting lots of formula in other forms than the bottle, rice pudding, cereal, macaroni cheese up until the age of one. It is not such an exact science as you think. Baby will ask for milk feeds and weaning foods and you will be able to see how it goes after six months. In the meantime try to stop the expressing roller coaster or perhaps go onto formula all the time. The most important thing is to have a good feeding relationship with your baby, not the exhaustion which comes with bottle feeding and expressing, double the work.

Please check for tongue tie.

Mavericksnoopy..I though milk supply gets better in subsequent pregnancies? I was clearly wrong. I hope you have a better experience with your 3rd one. Please get in touch once your LO is born.

Some stories on here are heartbreaking indeed. I'm clearly not alone on my messy bf journey. I am considering different strategies now, exclussive ff, feeding her directly in the night and express less or leave longer between expressing sessions. I do feel exhausted indeed. However she is such a good sleeper I just don't want to wake her up at night to feed so I'm left with no option but to express as my boobs get quite sore. Also I'm expressing about 25 oz on a good day and I don't feel ready to deprive her of this milk by exclussive ff. She also enjoys the boob and does ocassionally do a good job at emptying them so I am very sad at the thought of depriving her of it. Perhaps I'll carry on until 6 months and make a decision then, perhaps less expressing and more direct feeds.

Thanks eveyone for the messages of support, I have managed to relax a bit now..the guilt was killing me.

I went to a weaning class with NCT yesterday and we were 7 mums. Every one of the other mums were exclussively bf...they didn't seem to know anything about sterilising equipment, bottles, pumps etc. The babies were chubby and healthy looking and were bigger than my LO, although only marginally. They were feeding their babies there, switching sides happily and confidently and didn't seem as run down as I was. I felt like a complete alien hiding a secret, that I have totally failed my baby. I was crying driving all the way back home.

Mumsnet has restored some sanity now xx

All those bf mums don’t mean a thing in your situation Miha. Absolutely no reflection on you. You need to do what’s best for you and your baby. All these stories have horrified me.

If I had a baby now, I’d tell them I was going to exclusively ff, end of. Then I would feed my baby however I could to make them thrive. That is literally all that matters. You got this.

Please please please don’t compare yourself to the other mums. You are doing the best you can, your relationship with your baby is completely different to their relationships with their babies. You are doing what’s best for you and your baby.

Miha17 - can you share updates about your LO? How is the baby now a few years later?