Do I give up expressing now? I just don't know

[NineUnlikelyTales]

Hi

I'm not sure there's anything anyone can say to advise me at the moment but I really want to get this off my chest.

I have been exclusively expressing for DS for 8 months because I am a failed BF. It has been really important to me that DS gets my milk and it never occurred to me that we would not BF - how little I knew!

When I first started expressing it was with the hope that we would eventually BF. When that turned out not to be the case at 3m I felt I wanted to carry on to the 6m mark. It was really hard and heaven knows how I managed it but I did and I'm proud of that.

At the 6m I decided to carry on until 12m, at which point DS could have cow's milk and I would be able to stop without too much guilt at being unable to BF. I was also assuming that once DS was on solids the amount of milk he ate would decrease, so I could express less. But he has had 2 months of solids and no sign of any decrease yet.

I express 4 times a day and it rules my life to some extent. I can never have an early night or a lie in and I am so tired as DS is not a great sleeper. Every day out is a massive undertaking, involving hundreds of pots and equipment, and making sure I am at home or a close friend's house in time to express. It is wearing me out and I wish I could stop....but at the same time I don't want to. DS deserves the best, breastmilk, and I have already let him down once by not BF direct so I do want to carry on.

I just don't know what to do. I know I have nothing to feel guilty about by not BF - I tried my best - but I still do and I don't want DS to have formula (no offence at all to people who FF, it's just my personal choice for lots of reasons). But I am worn out and don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

Anyway, thanks for reading if you got this far I'll probably be okay to carry on, this is just a glitch, but I needed to vent.

nut

NUT - when my children were on 3 meals a day, I then just cut out the milk at mealtimes - I didn't wait for them to decrease what they took IYSWIM? I dropped the milk feeds gradually, starting at luch time.

That was what I meant about dropping a milk feed and replacing it with a drink. For a while you could continue to express but store it instead of baby having it. Then you could increase your stockpile before cutting back your expressings. That would give you some breathing space.

Ah, that makes sense, thanks

NUT anoher one who sayshats of for BF for 8months (by expressing) and I an't imagine why you think you have let him down. Exactl the opposite I would say

Sorry for that awful message I am (usually) literate.

NUT - you sound exactly like I did back last year. I expressed exclusively for dd1 for a year (well 50 weeks, but I am now able to say - having reflected on what I achieved - by saying a year!) I know that sounds ridiculous, but I set myself the goal and wanted to prove to the health care community that it could be done.

I know how tiring it is and how expressing ends up completely ruling your life.

I used to have so many conversations with my dh about how I wanted to finish expressing and I definitely had a love hate relationship with my pump.

You are doing a fantastic job. The best advice is to take each day as it comes.

DD1 just wouldn't latch. However dd2 has done and I find that I have a lot more time this time round - so there is light at the end of the tunnel if you do have another child.

Sorry if this is so garbled and all over the place - just off to bed but had to post.