How do I stop feeding a 2.5 year old?

[WhereIsBlueRabbit]

How the heck do I stop feeding a 2.5 year old?!

I'd just about cut it down to first thing, last thing and either side of naps - with a heck of a lot of determination - but he's been ill and so that's crept up. But whenever I'm around, he just wants to feed on demand and I'll be honest, I've had enough. I'd so hoped he would wean himself but it just isn't happening. I've tried "don't offer, don't refuse", I've tried going away for a few nights (he just asks for milk the minute I walk through the door), and any refusing of feeds, even with distraction, usually leads to a massive tantrum.

I suspect there's a boredom/attention element to it as he only ever asks to feed out of the house if he wants to sleep, but the demands at home are constant and I'm just fed up.

I also wonder if he would sleep better if we stopped - he has been known to sleep through for others when I'm away but he regressed sleep-wise last summer and comes in the bed with me at some point most nights.

(Oh, and I'm under a lot of pressure from DP to stop, who isn't comfortable with the constant demands in view of his age and who has decided it would solve all our issues around sleep and clinginess with me.)

I can't decide whether it would be kinder to drop it gradually, or go cold turkey (perhaps building up to it and setting a date).

Any thoughts on weaning a toddler?

Hopeful bump - or is it just me?!

I stopped feeding my daughter at 2.3 years i talked to her about it through 1 day a good few times, saying it will be running out soon and the next day said that it had run out as she wasnt good at remebering things from day to day.

She fed about 3 times a day at the time, she wasn't bothered aslong as i offered milk in a cup or milkshake or hot choc if she wanted a drink. And obviously food if she was hungry, the harder times are when she was asking for comfort a cuddle sometimes worked but there was tears.

As i was still feeding my 5 month old at the time it developed in to explaining that she had all her milk in her belly and only dd2s milk left in the boobies! and that her milk was in her belly with strawberries etc

She carried on asking every day i would say for maybe 2 months but it was more for the wee story we said as she didnt get upset. dont get me wrong it was hard at first but now she doesnt ask at all and im still feeding dd2 so she still sees it every day.

I was the same and eventually stopped at 3 years and 3 months. I got it down to just before bed at 2.5 when she stopped her napping.

In the end I told her we had to stop and she behaved very out of character flr about 3 days as she dealt with it; Tantrums at bedtime that lasted over an hour but I was strict about it as I had had enough and i was breastfeeding my son who was 3 months at the time.

I say ill or not you just stick with it if you’re ready to stop. But it has to be you. Don’t worry about your husbands opinion on the matter.

Oh yeah I replaced the bedtime feed with cuddles in bed and a couple more stories.

My friend told her dd her boobs were sore and stuck plasters over her nipples!! Her dd would kiss them better and say 'ah' a lot and sigh. She was fine.

I’m still feeding my DD at night at 2.5 years. It would be amazing to stop but I just can’t face the crying during the night! I wish there was an easy answer OP, it’s really hard.

Thank you so much for the replies! I'm the only one of my circle still feeding and nobody seems to be able to give me advice other than "you need to wean him or he'll still be feeding when he goes to school

DP is great in most ways but tends to fixate on "solving the problem" and has convinced himself that if I stop feeding, DS will become less clingy and he'll sleep better. There is definitely an element of him thinking it's weird to still be feeding at this age.

My concern is that if I remove this magical source of comfort and reassurance before he's ready, is life going to be easier or harder? I've put off stopping for a while now as I'm not so convinced it's the cure for our sleep issues and I'm not convinced DS is ready to stop. And I do think I need to be convinced to push through with it.

On the other hand, I've had enough of "milkies" becoming a battle - when he's going through a clingy patch, it's "more milk, yeah?" every 15 minutes and it's worse than having a newborn. When he's in that sort of mood, he won't be placated with a cuddle or a story, and it feels like a power struggle - some of it definitely feels like an attention thing as well. And I can't wait to wear normal bras again!

When I'm at home, only I will do for bedtime and it has to be a BF in Mummy's room. He gets hysterical if I put him in his cot. When he's with DP, he will lie down in his cot, roll over and go to sleep independently. So I know he can do it. I also don't think it's a coincidence that he slept through two of the three nights we were away before Christmas when we left him with his DGPs.

Interestingly, I've come down with the virus he's had and he woke three times last night - it would usually have been once. DP took the first two wake-ups and had him back down in ten minutes after five minutes of awful sobbing for Mummy....

Maybe I just need to pick a date and go for it? I want to have stopped by June as I'm a bridesmaid in the summer and need to be confident leaving him with DP for the hen do as well as being able to wear a normal bra.

We're going away next month for a few nights and leaving him with his DGPs - I'm wondering about using this as the cut-off and explaining no more milk after this date?

I was in a very similar position and basically just picked a date and told DS it was all gone. It was fairly traumatic - he sobbed and begged and I spent a good few days not daring to sit down while I was anywhere near him but it was worth it. I had reached my limit and was starting to resent him.
It wasn't easy though especially at night when it would have been so easy to give in.

I have a 2 year old who absolutely loves her milk, but I'm so over it. I'm also 9 weeks pregnant and i want a bit of a break before i have to do it again. We managed to get her down to 3 feeds a day (morning, naptime and at bedtime) just before Xmas, it was previously all day and all night. Night weaning did get her sleeping through for the first time ever. I'm also worried it'll be devastating for her, plus I'm worried she won't understand due to having a significant speech delay (she's profoundly deaf).

Update: we have night weaned!

Picked a date when I was going to be away for a few nights and went for it. We read toddler weaning books for a few days before and explained that big boys don't have Mummy milk, and as you get bigger you don't have it at night any more. So Granny (we were staying with DM) would come in with water and for cuddles if needed.

The little sod slept through!

We got home and he woke the first few nights but was quickly settled by DP. He is now sleeping 12 hours straight on average and dropping the nap some days.

I can't believe what a difference it's made - and how non-upsetting it's been for him.

We are still feeding first and last thing when I'm here. He still asks for it. That's the next step!

So to anyone thinking of it - it may be a non-event. And mine was a co-sleeping night-time milk monster.

Thank you to those who offered advice as you gave me the confidence to just go for it

Glad to hear the good update, OP!

Wow that's amazing!! Well done for feeding so long!
I'm at 7 months now and still feeding every 2 hours at night. Never slept longer than a 4 hour stint for a couple of nights when she wasn't well.
Any advice on how to keep going for as long? (I'll be back to ask how to stop again later )

Not sure I'm really in a position to give advice - it's been more his choice than mine! I never really had a fixed idea of how long I'd feed for, although I hoped to do so for a year. Never thought I'd still be feeding now!

We had a rubbish start to feeding - milk slow to come in, 17% weight loss in first week, back in hospital, etc (plus undiagnosed tongue tie). But I have been incredibly lucky in that once feeding was established, it has been physically easy and my body has just adapted - no problems around going back to work, for instance - I expressed at lunchtime for the first couple of months and then stopped, and basically my supply just seemed to adapt to more feeds at weekends, fewer on weekdays. I know others for whom that hasn't been the case, but you can't tell until you try it. So my only advice would be don't worry, just see how it goes!

Total sympathy and a virtual , though, mine woke every 2 hours on a good night, every 45 minutes on a bad night, from 3 to 7 months. Nearly killed me. 7 months was when it turned round for us, possibly due to moving him into his own room, and he started waking just 2-3 times a night . So there may be light at the end of the tunnel!

Thanks rabbit!
And congratulations on your milestone

Thank you! A full night's sleep after 2.5 years is quite something

Congratulations on your full night of sleep!!! My son slept through the night for the first time at 2.5 after night weaning, too!

If you're still looking to cut out the remaining feeds, what worked for us was counting during each one - 20 seconds on each boob, then it's over. At night, I would then cuddle and sing to help him fall asleep. Then gradually (over the course of days or weeks) reduce the time to 10, 5, etc. It's worth a try anyway.

Thank you! That's a really good suggestion. He loves countdowns - three goes with your car, then up for bath, two stories then bed, etc - so I could see that working for us.

I slept through the night for the first time in three years at the weekend! I can't believe how much more energy I have at the moment!