Anyone else have a child that just doesn’t eat?

[SleepFreeZone]

I’ve been struggling with my 24 month old for about a year. He was initially really great. Would eat all sorts and good portions. Around the age of 12 months it started to go downhill. He was no longer interested in feeding himself. He’d spoon yogurt no problem but anything savoury he just wasn’t interested. I would serve his food and then once he’d basically left it to go cold I’d blitz it up so it was soft and try and feed it to him that way instead. This sort of worked.

Roll on 12 months and this is where we are at. He still doesn’t want to eat. His daily food is pretty much the following every day

Weetabix with whole milk and mashed banana
Porridge with mushed berries and whole milk
Yogurt with liquid vitamins put in
Boiled eggs with soldiers

Every now and then I can get morsels of other food in him like rice and fish and blueberries. I spend quite a lot of the day sitting with him trying to encourage him to eat. He basically sits and holds the food in his mouth. In fact he is sitting right now doing exactly that and his bedtime is in
15 mins! If I try and offer water or milk he will just spit the food out straight away.

My 5 year old is a great eater although I have to encourage him. He isn’t great at just sitting and eating by himself. It’s as though neither of them have a good appetite. They don’t really ask me for food outside of breakfast/lunch/dinner. Their dad refused to eat as a child and was admitted to hospital frequently to be put on a drip. I don’t know whether it’s something genetic 🤷🏻‍♀️

In terms of weight I’ve managed to keep his weight up by simply persevering every day and spending ages with him waiting for food to go down his brother is very tall and of average build. Again I think because I sit with him and make sure he eats. If I left them to their own devices I think we’d have two exceptionally skinny children.

What the hell do I do!!!?

Yes me! Sort of - apparently she eats at nursery. Can't get much of anything in her at home though, so following with interest!

Do you all sit down and eat meals together?

jkl not every night as sometimes DP doesn’t get back till late but we are always at the table together eating even if it’s just me, DS1 and DS2 and DS2 will get his plate of food and pick initially then totally ignore it. He will eat spaghetti bolognese, I should have put that, he likes to suck up the spaghetti.

Just to add it’s like my kids don’t have an appetite really. We sat with my friends children recently and they demolished their lunch. They were like locusts. Me and DP we’re open mouthed at the variety they were eating. It was so healthy and fabulous. My friends children are 2 and 5 and she just shrugged and said they had always been excellent eaters, always hungry and would basically eat what she gave them. It was just a whole other world to us b

Difficult one I find my LO is fussy if I don't sit with her and eat too, or if she has a little toddler tantrum I tend to just leave her with it in front of her, she either eats it or doesn't. I got into a rut of giving in all the time and ended up making other meals, now she realises Mum won't be messing eat up or go hungry until the next meal.

If I didn’t preserve with him I know he just would eat at all. I am totally sure we would go the whole day and all he would ask me for is milk.

He was breast fed up until recently so I was half convincing myself he was getting some goodness from my milk. However he no longer wants to feed from me so he’s self weaned which is fine, I know two years was a good run, but now he’s not even getting any extra vitamins from my milk.

If you're sitting with him for a long time encouraging him to eat, I suspect he may be enjoying the attention?

Both of my kids have been really fussy eaters,
My youngest stopped feeding at 2yrs. And although he has a good appetite he has slowly stopped eating certain food.
He will only eat the same thing every day.
If his weight is ok and he looks healthy I would try to tackle it a little later. But you could still eat to the health visitor if you need more advice.

Mine was pretty fussy, stopping bf didn't make any difference. What did was 'amount of activity' - so more when started walking, a great deal more when a proficient runner, jumper climber, yet more when could have no nap and walk to the shops and back etc. With each new set of teeth he seemed to widen his range of foods and I've seen him go through several taste changes (he's now 5 and eats like a horse and is much braver at trying new things esp at School). He was always very affected by slight taste changes and hates certain textures esp meat, fish is fine.

Remember it's calories over a week; my son ate similarly (plus fish fingers and peanut butter) and a lot of it is quite calorific eg the eggs and banana. Some days he may be eating more than you think which then means he may not have much the next etc.

Have a look at The division of Responsibility by the Ellyn Satter (sp?) institute. It's a really good comprehensive approach to food; I wish I'd known about it sooner. The book "my child doesn't eat" is similar but tbh the DOR is quicker to get the idea from their website.

I was a fussy eater, my sister more so. I also have always eaten what I need and seem to self regulate (I was bf till 3, no idea if it had an impact!) and I don't naturally eat a great deal unless im exercising hugely. We gradually got better as we got older and my mum was always v relaxed about it.

I'm also always reassured as I work with children with Sen - some have had extremely restricted diets but the Drs have often looked at what's eaten and pointed out that most things are covered.

Does he drink cows milk on top?

Regarding not eating himself it's possible he's now very used to the routine - which I understand you do to keep his weight up.

What I like about the DOR is that if food is refused, it's accepted and you simply say, ok, we'll have a snack fairly soon. So if they're hungry then they are more likely to eat.

As you decide the range of foods (and some treat things too) they decide when and what to eat.

It's difficult when they avoid the healthy stuff but at the same time it does tend to even out esp if you're careful about the balance given.

I can see it's worrying what happened to your husband. Have you chatted to the hv or gp yet? There's no other concerns developmentally?

Food is so hard as there's a lot of emotion, behaviour, control/ lack of it and pressure from the world to make sure it's healthy and on the child to conform to adult ideals of eating.

To add; snacks are proper sit down snacks, like mini meals. I worked out a similar thing with ds actually, a snack was as easily a lunch time cheese sandwich and yoghurt.

Some days he seemed to avoid the main meals and eat the snacks but I just went with it. Definitely by around 3-4 things had settled much more into main meals and just a fruit snack.

The DOR has a good age break down too.

See the toddler section but please do read the whole site. It's very reassuring.
www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/child-feeding-ages-and-stages/

Dd is 13 months and eats like a bird. She’ll eat toast and cream cheese / nut butter, blueberries (sometimes), noodles with veg, sometimes fish, sometimes meat, sometimes she will just swipe her hands all over the food and throw it to the floor without eating anything 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have no idea whatsoever! She’s putting on weight, but my god! It’s doing my head in. I eat everything, and to have a fussy child is beyond me. Following for advice.