3 weeks - feeding struggles

[GreenEyedGirl01]

Before DS arrived, I decided to give breastfeeding a go but was prepared for using formula if we needed an alternative. I struggled with the idea of breastfeeding long term but wanted to give it a go for his first few weeks at least.

We’re now 3 weeks in and I’m really struggling. We had some difficulties getting started but persisted with the encouragement of the midwives. Mentally I’ve found it really hard with all the burden being on me and feeling very trapped by it, and it not being the amazing bonding experience I expected. Physically we’ve also had a few challenges and I’m currently feeling really sore and battered from cluster feeding and a shallow latch.

After discussing with the midwives, health visitor and GP, I decided to try introducing a bottle feed a day. It’s not going well - I can’t pump enough for a feed so we’ve tried formula. We’ve tried both aptamil and Hipp and afterwards he vomits copiously, generally a few hours later after his next breastfeed. He’s having issues with trapped wind whichever way we feed him. His nappies are fine and he’s gaining weight like a machine and is nearly a pound heavier at three weeks than at birth.

But I’m really struggling. I’m sore, exhausted and can’t see an end in sight. Last night was particularly bad with feeds all evening and a projectile vomit at 2am with a baby who then wouldn’t settle until gone 4am. I don’t see how I’ll ever be able to leave him and I desperately need to know that there will be a point in the next few months where I can go and get my haircut or go to the cinema with my husband and he’ll be ok with someone else... I wish I’d never started breastfeeding sometimes.

Not sure what I’m looking for other than a bit of reassurance?!

This sounds a difficult start :(

It's early days and many mothers report how overwhelming these first weeks are. It doesn't appear from what you say that the formula is helping - huge vomiting and wind, plus the work of bottles, is not making life easier.

Is it possible for you to see someone who knows about BF and can observe a feed? Have you got a BF support group nearby? Can you call a BF helpline?

The constant feeding in the evening (or any time!) and the projectile vomit and the difficulty settling is such hard work but not unusual and certainly not confined to breastfeed babies. It would be hard to go to the hairdressers and the cinema with a three week old baby however he or she was fed....but as time goes on, freedom and confidence increases, so don't feel you are 'behind schedule' :)

Hope things get better soon.

Hi, just wanted to reply as I really recognize how you feel re "trapped" and fearful for future flexibility. I have my own business, and sport commitments and was afraid I couldn't do them and continue to bf. I remember panicking and wishing I hadn't started! However my DS is now 5.5 months and still majority bf and it all fits in. After the first few weeks the constant feeding settled down into useful few hour gaps. We also used a bottle once every day or two from birth, for expressed milk, then sometimes formula. I'd suggest you keep that up, just a little each day. It took a while for my DS to get the bottle technique right, but it's now invaluable for leaving him with others (and you'll see so many on here struggling to get bf babies to take a bottle if they don't meet one until a few months old...).
I think it's an ideal combination, and the convenience of bf is just brilliant once you get going. You can be out and about all day with your baby, no faff with bottles.
I think I'm trying to say stick with it, it's early days and should balance out in a little while.

OP I feel for you. I had huge problems feeding my first DD. Incredible pain caused by posterior tongue tie that wasn't spotted by hv or gp. Any anmount of pain should be checked over, that can't help your mood. Have a tongue tie specialist check LO out.

The loss of my old life was a HUGE shock with my first too. But you're only three weeks in- you'll be able to enjoy the same things you did before soon.

I've been out a handful of times after having DD2 (she's now 4.5 months old) and it makes you feel human again! She'll soon space out her feeds so you can pop to get you haircut etc. "This too shall pass"

I'm a lot more chilled with DD2 as I know how quickly time flies (they grow up so quickly which is brilliant and awful in equal measures!)

If you're unhappy though persevere with mixed feeding to give you a break. How many ounces of formula is LO taking? Could the vomming be overfeeding? If it's trapped wind I'm sure LO will grow out of it, took till about 6-8 weeks for mine to be less bothered by it.

Good luck!

Hey op, my dd is also 3 weeks old. I don't find breastfeeding a particularly special experience and get what you mean about feeling you have to always do it.

Dh gives her a bottle around 10 or 11pm and the rest is bf. I then go to bed around 9 and get to sleep until about 3 or 4 which is a lifesaver.

The cluster feeding is really tough but I am managing by watching netflix and having drinks and snacks on hand. She goes to DH for burping and I have friends come over for her fussy times as they don't mind holding her and walking about.

With dc1 I found it much harder because I wasn't ready to slow down. I would sit thinking of all the things I needed to do and rush about.

This phase doesn't last too long and it does get better. If it doesn't you can switch to formula at any stage.

Just take your time and relax. You are doing great. Xx

Your baby is still tiny and I’d be amazed if you were managing to get out to the cinema at this stage, however your baby was fed.

Things are all very new and it will get easier. Have you managed to get to a Bfing Support Group yet or ring one of the Bfing Helplines?

If you are desperate to have your hair cut, could you have someone come to you or have you got someone who could have Lao for an hour or two if you leave a bottle?