12 days old and still won't latch

[Serendipper]

I'm looking for some tips to help move forward in my feeding journey. Sorry it's long!

My baby is 12 days old, he had brief skin to skin after birth then was whipped away (for no real reason he was in a cot in the corner) they brought him back to try and feed about an hour later and he didn't latch.

Day 1 in hospital I was helped to hand express and syringe feed. They tried to latch him on during every feed but no success.
Over night I was unable to hand express myself and the staff on duty couldn't get anything from me either (after success all day 2-3ml each time!) I became distressed as did he and they suggested cup feeding him formula.

Day 2 Saw breastfeeding team in hosp, they wanted me to continue hand expressing and cup feeding. Spent the day unable to express and with husband unable to cup feed without tipping it in. Midwives suggested I start pumping and baby is bottle fed 10-20mls at a time. Overnight baby was very distressed and midwives said he was hungry and he was fed 70mls and was still looking for more. I am not happy with the way the hospital stay went and I feel we were let down.

Since hospital I have been double pumping (hosp medala pump) I'm getting 3-4 oz each time. However I'm really struggling to pump often enough (was told to pump 8 times a day but I'm only managing 4/5)

Baby has been having my expressed milk in afternoons and the evenings and formula overnight/mornings. As he seems to have less wind issues and settle better this way.

I'm not pumping often enough to feed him exclusively ebm.

I have seen a breastfeeding consultant who managed to latch him on but I haven't had any luck replicating this at Home. She thinks the issue is flat nipples and a very large bust so no room for him! She has suggested nipple shields and feeding laid down. I have had mixed luck with these at home as he tends to rip them off and I'm finding the positioning difficult.

I know my baby is well fed and I know he is getting my milk anyway but I feel like it is being done in the most awkward way. Pumping is taking me away from my baby instead of being the close experience I hoped for. I wanted to breastfeed to avoid all the hassle of bottles and sterilising etc but still have all of that anyway.

Any tips for moving forward? Or any thoughts on something to aim for as I just feel a bit lost on the journey. I just know I'm unhappy with pumping like I am but not yet ready to give up on breastfeeding completely.

Thanks to anyone who stuck with this!

I know exactly how you're feeling, I recently had my first baby! my DD is 3 months now and I wanted to breastfeed her, couldn't get her to latch in the hospital, I have flat nipples and they're a little inverted too (sorry if that's TMI) I tried nipple guards and she ended up sucking so hard a duct came out instead ouch.

It's so hard when all you want to do is feed your baby yourself, especially when you've had that in your head for 9 months! They say some babies just can't take to it.

I also managed to express and I could get a fair amount of breast milk in one sitting, but as you say keeping up with it and a newborn is near impossible! I usually formula fed in the day and switched to breastmilk I had expressed for overnight as it can be sorted I a fridge then cook bag to make nighttime's so much easier and they can have it straight out the fridge!

I'd suggest keep expressing as much as you can because any breast milk you can give is good, nothing wrong with combination feeding! Also I did keep trying to latch but to no avail, so maybe every so often just try it again and maybe it'll work? Some babies once they've had bottles can't go back to the boob, unless you have those ergonomic tests?

The only issue is eventually I couldn't keep up with demand but I felt so much better that I was able to do even that little bit for my DD in the earliest stages of her life.

Sorry if that's not massively helpful!!

Support. Can you get the BF consultant back out again? Did you get on with her / feel confident in what she was saying?

Have you been told about peer support groups in your area? It can be really helpful to meet up with like-minded people when you're struggling.

Other than that, if possible I'd suggest holding your baby while expressing & doing as much skin-to-skin as possible.

DD posted for me, the problem with MNing while breastfeeding!

The other thing I was going to suggest was getting an IBCLC to check for tongue tie. Always worth ruling it out as a possibility when there's latch issues, imo!

I'm of the opinion that the vast majority of women can overcome breastfeeding difficulties if given the right support but it's a delicate balancing act - if it gets to the point where you feel it's affecting your relationship with your baby or your mental health, or just that your desire not to continue outweighs your desire to keep trying - it's ok to stop. The first few weeks are hard but it does all settle down eventually. One day at a time & all that!

It's really early days. There really is time to turn this around. I don't think you have had great care in hospital. You have had pretty standard care, which is not saying much at all. Some mothers' BF experience is less affected by the poor care, but yours has been - and it is not your fault, but theirs :(

While you are having problems, then you have to pump more than you are doing. It is a huge, huge bore and very time consuming, but 4-5 times in 24 hrs is not enough to build up and maintain a supply. See what you can do to get help with this.

The other main thing is to take the pressure off your baby. Keep him skin to skin and respect his cues....don't fight him to latch him on. If he won't latch, stop trying. Babies sometimes get over their fightiness just by being left not to latch....or try getting in the bath with him and seeing what happens when you have him on your chest, all lovely and relaxed and warm (you'll need help with this).

It's definitely worth co bathing, and continuing with different positions, but without stressing if you can. Look up Biological Nurturing and The Mother And Baby Dance for other gentle ways to overcome latch problems.

Hope this helps.

Hold baby whilst pumping or something that smells of them. It seems to work. I know it’s not what you want to hear but if you want to increase your supply then you do need to pump every 3/4 hours constantly. This is what I was advised. It took a long while for baby to latch and until that point you just have to pump. It wasn’t too much of a stretch because I was up at those intervals anyway for feeding but mine was exclusively cup fed until the point she latched. Then all the pumping was so worthwhile as I had ample supply. I do think you’ve been let down a bit by the midwives (as bloody usual) if your end goal was to b/f because I think you will double your struggle getting baby to latch if they’re also having a bottle. Find a local support group. There should be peer supporters that could help. I would also second getting tounge tie checked again. I have a friend who successfully b/f with nipple shields for a year so it’s possible but I know it’s tricky to get the hang of using them, she basically had to hold them in place whilst baby fed. Good luck with your journey Op.

Hi OP, I had a very similar experience to you and am now exclusively bottle feeding. I had a very long induced labour which ended in an EMCS after being slow to dilate and a baby who was struggling to cope with the drip induced contractions. My baby refused to latch for the first few days and we were syring feeding expressed colostrum. I thought we were doing well but at the 60 hour weigh in he had lost far too much weight. We then were put on a three hourly feeding plan which was to put baby on the breast, and follow with 60ml milk, either pumped breast milk or formula. We tried cup feeding once but were made to feel panicky about his weight so just opted for bottles. I finally got out of hospital a week later, armed with a rented dual pump. I tried so hard to get him to latch at home and even when he did manage it, I know he was not sucking hard enough to get anything. I was pumping about 7 times a day and getting about 60ml at each sitting, so not enough for a feed. My milk sort of came in around day 8 but I never got really leaky breasts or the hot feeling that people talk about. I kept this up for three weeks, expressing what I could and then giving formula. When DH went back to work it was awful as I was continually hooked up to a pump and unable to care for my son properly. After a visit to my GP I finally came to my senses and switched to exclusive formula. His words to me were that yes although breast milk is the best, what a baby really needs are love and calories and if the calories come from formula, then that's fine. I was so much happier when I made the decision to stop pumping. DS is now 12 weeks old and doing so well!!

I still feel upset from time to time about not being able to breast feed particularly when I'm with women who are doing it successfully. I was passionate about making it work throughout my pregnancy, even harvesting colostrum before the birth. But some things are not meant to be and there are so many other things you can do to give your baby a great start other than breast feeding.

I'm not posting this to tell you to give up on breast feeding, but I thought I'd just give a different perspective in case you needed to hear it.

Another empathy post here OP, my son is 14 weeks old and I feed him pretty much exclusively expressed milk. I think I've only ever managed to pump 8 times on a couple of occasions but I usually manage 5-7 in any 24 hour period. 9 nights out of 10 he ends up having formula for his last feed of the day as I never have enough for the final full feed. It has definitely affected my experience of motherhood and can be a real pain in the backside when you can't stay out more than a few hours as you need to get home and pump again(!) My son didn't latch at all until he was 10 weeks old (my experience of hospital was very, very similar to yours and I also felt let down). My saving grace has been La Leche League- they run support groups all over the place so maybe google them? It was the lactation consultant with them who managed to get my son to latch and although he's still not feeding effectively enough for him to have a full feed (I still need to top him up with expressed milk and then pump afterwards!) but I do get to have some mini-feeds in the evening that send him off to sleep that makes it worth it all to me. It's such a hard journey and others for whom breastfeeding works can't understand how painful it can be physically and emotionally. But you're doing fab OP.

Personally I've chosen to continue to express and believe I'll continue to do so for as long as I can, but as I'm sure others will say there's no shame if you end up switching to fully formula feeding. Do whatever works for you and your family. X