Trying to cut down night feeds - help.please!

[Sparrowlegs248]

Ds2 is 11months. He's breastfed with one bottle of formula at bedtime. He's been waking a lot in the night. Drops off very easily with a quick feed. Now I am more than happy to feed him if he wants a proper feed. But much of the time he doesn't. He just wants to comfort sucking and I've got to the stage where I absolutely hate it. I posted recently about it. I just want to push him away and it's taking all my effort not to.

He had a bottle at 7.15 pm. Took 7 oz. Woke 15 minutes ago and screamed because I wouldn't feed him. He doesn't need feeding.

So I've tried to comfort him otherwisee, picked up, shush ed, put his nighttime music on, stoodle p and rocked and he's cried loudly for 7 minutes before I have in and fed him. Because I have a poorly 2 yr old in the next room.

Please can anyone advise me on how to stop this. I hate myself for how I feel about this .

Id be inclined to think that he was hungry and did need the comfort too. I always went with the path of least resistance, so if giving him a quick feed meant that everyone got sone sleep, I did that.

When he’s 12 months you can think about reducing night feeds. Have yiu heard of Dr Jay Gordon’s night Weaning?

Totally sympathise though. It can be totally overwhelming

Scared to suggest this-but have you tried a dummy?

My DS is also 11 months and I tried sleep training/night weaning in and off from 6.5 months. Like your DS I knew he wasn’t hungry and he woke every 2 hours until 4am then every 30 mins until he woke up for the day - every wake up needed a feed. We were co sleeping to get the most sleep.

Nothing worked until DP took over nights (because I was on the verge of a breakdown) and we tackled it really incrementally. First I got him in his cot without feeding to sleep and took him in with me from first wake. Once he went to sleep ok without feeding (about 3 weeks) DP went in and offered water at every night feed and cuddled then put back down. There was a lot of crying the first night but by 3 nights he was sleeping through, and he reliably sleeps through without a feed unless he’s teething or ill. We started the process at 9 months.

I did look at the Jay Gordon method because it’s often mentioned on here but I thought it would confusing for a baby to be offered a feed at some wake ups but not offered at others. Combo of not me dealing with it and water cracked it for us. Although your DP has to be on board and see it through to the end, and there at night.

We night weaned at 11 months. Basically I had had enough of having to do every wake up so we decided I would not feed DD but we would comfort her in other ways (cuddles, water etc). Night one she was quite upset, night 2 & 3 she was awake but not upset and night 4 she slept through, and continued to sleep through at least half of nights. We only had DD though. If you want to night wean, is there anyone who can have DD or would she sleep through it?

At 12 months I was away for a few nights, we replaced the night feeds with a cup of cows milk (360 cup so it doesn’t spill) offered by DH. He still wakes a couple of times but at least we can alternate who deals with it now. I also cuddle him to sleep instead of feeding him to sleep and that was working well, we’d got to one wakeup a night then decided to start with getting him to go to sleep in his cot. That’s horrific, I wish we’d never started, he stands in the cot and screams and sobs even when I’m holding him leaning over the cot, it can go on for an hour before he collapses into my arms totally exhausted and I pat and shush him to sleep in the cot - he then wakes at worst every 10-15 mins and at best 3 times a night really upset. I wish we’d never bloody started it. The weeks trial ends tonight and I suspect we are going back to cuddling up sleep. I hate how upset he gets and I miss my sleepy cuddles and him sleeping well and feeling safe and content overnight which he clearly doesn’t now!

Oh thank you for some replies. I was wondering if people didn't know what to say.

He has a dummy but point blank refuses it on these occasions. He'll have it after a feed. I always offer it first.

I just can't believe that he's hungry all the time. He has dinner at 5.30. He eats very well . His bottle at 7.30 almost 7oz tonight. Surely he can't be that hungry by 10.30?

That sounds awful Dr why. Ds has hit bottle and goes in his cot and falls straight to sleep , or takes a couple of minutes. Quite happily. I take him in bed with me from his first wake up, sometimes try and resettle him but often it doesn't last.

I read the Jay Gordon method with Ds1 but would have to re read it. In the end with Ds1, he slept til 5 am one night without a feed and I decided he could carry on doing that. He was about 15 months I think. He happily cuddled back to sleep no crying.

This one is rather more vocal. It's the waking his brother up that bothers me. I'm on my own ad have a fear of them both being awake!

If he’s going to sleep fine I’d honestly just offer a cup instead of breastfeed at night, milk initially then maybe water after a while. Cuddle back to sleep. Perhaps get DH/DP to do it for the first few days.

He'll scream bloody murder I think if I do that. WoRth a try.

No husband to help, he left in November. This is why I have the fear of baby waking toddler, with just me to deal with it. Toddler sleeps 7.30 - 7 mostly. Don't want to mess with that!

We weaned DD1 at 10 months for the same reasons. We were told that my husband should go and settle her and that if I went in she would know she could have milk. It took 3 nights of awful screaming with my husband cuddling her etc to settle her- then bingo it seemed to do the trick and from then onwards she has slept okay.

Oh gosh sorry I just read your last message, it makes it very hard for you with no husband to help. Ignore my post about husband helping!

Ah sorry Nottalotta that does make it much harder and you must be exhausted, which makes it even harder being up later. If he’ll happily take milk from a cup through I’d be inclined to give it a try with lots of cuddles, if it doesn’t work one day of no night feeds won’t have impacted supply so much you can’t go back to feeding the next day. Do you have anyone your toddler could stay with overnight for a night to remove that worry?