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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Quick question for extended breastfeeders...

72 replies

agnesnitt · 25/04/2007 20:26

Okay, this might sound odd, but here I go anyway.

I know an extended breastfeeder whose son is completely and utterly uninterested and has to be practically forced to feed. Do you think mum should be thinking of letting him do as he wants instead of what she wants now?

Agnes

OP posts:
rowan1971 · 25/04/2007 20:27

Ummm - what's that specialist term for 'question expecting the answer 'yes''?

eviletc · 25/04/2007 20:28

how old is the son?

beansprout · 25/04/2007 20:28

Have you seen her do this? What happens?

Original poster
agnesnitt · 25/04/2007 20:29

Rhetorical. I just wanted some thoughts. I fed mine until she was thirteen months which isn't a great length of time by many people's standards, so I wondered if it was something that came up often with extended breastfeeders. Just genuine curiosity.

Agens

OP posts:
Boco · 25/04/2007 20:30

I've never known it be possible to force a baby to breastfeed, especially a toddler, if they don't want to, they just wont. If he really was uninterested, then i would have thought he wouldn't be still breastfeeding, and her milk supply would have gone.

Original poster
agnesnitt · 25/04/2007 20:31

She'll collar him, tell him he hasn't had a feed for a few hours and pretty much force her boob in his mouth. Quite sad to watch really.

Son will be over two now.

Agnes

OP posts:
fishie · 25/04/2007 20:32

hmm this isn't going very well agnes. do you think we all force our poor toddlers onto the bosom in a desperate attempt to prove our extended bf credentials?

lemonaid · 25/04/2007 20:37

I don't think what you describe a typical pattern for extended breastfeeders, no.

Most that I know / know of are either still demand feeding (nurse their DC whenever the DC asks) or have scaled back to a couple of times a day (so are probably feeding slightly less than the DC would ideally like). I've never come across someone who tries to operate on a "must nurse every few hours" basis.

Original poster
agnesnitt · 25/04/2007 20:38

No. I think if people have kids that want to feed it's wonderful. I'm pro-boob, I just wondered if this one particular person was perhaps feeding for her sake rather than her sons. As I said before, it was a genuine question. I have never seen the son actually initiate feeding, and neither has anyone else in the circle of friends. It could be that he is just a very social kid and prefers not to feed in public, but I would have thought that the mum would then choose not to initiate feeding in public if that was the case.

Guide's honour, no malice intended, just curiosity. I came here to ask because I know there are a fair few extended feeders who could offer some thoughts.

Agnes

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 25/04/2007 20:42

Without knowing the full situation it is very hard to say

but I do know that many people think that extended breastfeeders are doing it purely for themselves anyway, so I think people are likely to be biased towards that assumption anyway

the benefits of breastfeeding are still there for both of them, regardless of whether the child initiates breastfeeding or not

I think your OP assumes that extended breastfeeding is something slightly distasteful and onerous that should only be done if absolutely necessary, rather than because it is a good thing in itself

My child doesn't like being strapped in to his car seat - yet I still insist that he does. Am I doing this purely for my own benefits?

fishie · 25/04/2007 20:45

[applauds]

moretomorrow · 25/04/2007 20:46

i try not to sit down too often or my 2yo, jumps up on my lap and assumes the position. now these days, she tells me 'sit down' and points.

rowan1971 · 25/04/2007 20:50

My DS2 shouts 'Get yer nanas out!'

At which point, my DP usually says: 'Get your nanas out, please.'

MrsApron · 25/04/2007 20:53

Applauds Franny.

I am curious I must admit. You cannot make a child breastfeed it is a mutual process, but I would expect it at this age to be initiated by the child, well at anyage really.

My dd1 at 2 rarely thought about bf if we were out and about it varied though.

I wonder if he is shocking at drinking any other liquids and she stresses about it.

Boco · 25/04/2007 20:55

I'd find forcing my dd to breastfeed would be very dangerous and probably result in partial nipple loss. If she didn't want to feed, i really couldn't make her, so i can't quite belive that a breastfeeding relationship could continue over time if the child objected at every feed.

It does tend to be seen as something done by women for their own peculiar and distasteful needs - as if there's something perverse about a woman who would want to extended bf, or enjoy it, or do it for any reason other than total self sacrifice.

Thats crap too. There's nothing wrong with her actually wanting to do it, and enjoying breastfeeding, but i'm sure if the child really did object that much, she wouldn't be enjoying it anyway as it'd be a constant struggle, so the whole thing doesnt' quite add up for me.

fishie · 25/04/2007 20:58

i find you're either seen as forcing it on an unwilling child to try and keep them as a baby, or giving in and spoiling them when you ought to be encouraging them to grow up.

am feeling a bit got at, ds was 2 yesterday and suddenly i'm a criminal since the who don't recommend it any more.

beansprout · 25/04/2007 21:00

I think a lot of people like the idea of a toddler being practically forced to feed as hey, b/feeding is for babies, right?

And hey, even if she is, there are far worse things that toddlers are being given to eat.

beansprout · 25/04/2007 21:00

Have the WHO changed their view?!

Boco · 25/04/2007 21:01

fishie it's recommended 'at least' until age 2. Who'd want to only do the minimum?

whomovedmychocolate · 25/04/2007 21:02

It may be that he's rejecting the routine rather than the breastfeed too. As stated he'd bite if he really hated it, or just not suck. Personally I think the best thing to do is butt out and leave them to it.

You never get thanked for providing a commentary on another's parenting methods.

fishie · 25/04/2007 21:02

no but 'recommended up to age of 2' innit.

MrsApron · 25/04/2007 21:02

Oh yeah I am totally mind controlling dd1 (3)into sneaking through at 6am shouting "i want a milky, I want a milky now".

I reckon very few people around me have any idea that she still bf including family it just doesn;t come up.

I save it up and occasionally mention it other mums to see what reaction I get...

moretomorrow · 25/04/2007 21:02

you're wrong fishy, who says 'for a minimum of 2 yrs' and beyond....

the US surgeon general said 'it is a lucky child who is bf for 2 yrs' so i don't think he/she expects them to stop then.

paulaplumpbottom · 25/04/2007 21:03

I think kids know when they have had enough, she should go with it

MrsApron · 25/04/2007 21:04