My daughter was born in September by EMCS after long, traumatic labour. I was desperate for a natural birth and to exclusively breast feed. With the former being compromised I was even more keen for the latter. By day 2 it became clear EBF wasn't an option for me. I was deeply traumatised and needed PTSD therapy. My body and brain were exhausted and the EMCS took weeks to recover from.
But I pumped from day 2 to encourage my supply so we could try again. I pumped 8 times a day for 1/2 hour. I didn't get out much. I took fenugreek and domperidone and even pumped once until I bled because I had burst the capillaries in my breasts. I still only ever made about half of what she needed.
At 12 weeks I went to see a cranial osteopath privately. She was excellent and a few days later my DD finally latched for the very first time. It was amazing. But it was hard work.
She had suffered some neck trauma from where she got stuck in labour and could only feed in certain positions. I tried desperately to breastfeed from there on in but she wasn't used to it. If we were out of the house I would try but she would wriggle and fuss so that my breasts were constantly exposed to all present company, it was impossible to be discreet and so eventually I only fed her at home when we were alone and comfortable.
After a few days she became very fussy and I soon realised my supply had dried up.
She must not have been draining me properly. So, back on the domoeridone, the fenugreek and yes- the dreaded pump. We had 1 week of 'breastfeeding'.
But now, I sodding well give up. I've tried my hardest and she has had around 50% breast milk since birth and she is now 4 months. I really have given it my all.
So tomorrow, my official 'last day' of pumping (I've been gradually decreasing) I am going to throw my nursing bras in the bin.
I am going to take some cold and flu capsules for this rubbish cold I seem to have had for an age. I am going to take ibuprofen for my period pains and I am going to book in for a laser hair removal treatment (I had to stop due to being pregnant and 'breastfeeding').
I am going to look forward to being less hairy in the future and, in the meantime, but myself a lovely new underwired bra!
I can also now start my New Years diet without worrying about decreasing my supply.
If I'm going to feel like an utter failure I at least want to be a sexy one.
Anyone else welcome to share stories, you have my full support and sympathy if you are struggling or have struggled.