Could you remind me why I'm breastfeeding?

[Ralphstar]

I am currently breastfeeding my second child, who is a month old. I breastfed my first child, who was tongue tied, but expressed all his feeds. This time round, breastfeeding is going relatively well. My daughter feeds well - she's a guzzler and, although she is never settled after a feed (we never have that milk drunk phase - various professionals think she just suffers from wind worse than most babies), she is gaining weight well. The breastfeeding consultant has shown me some great positions and breastfeeding is comfortable. The problem is I hate it. It makes my skin crawl and I long to bottle feed. I can't explain why I loathe it so much - I think it's partly because it feels so odd and also because she doesn't go longer than 2 hours between the start of one feed and the beginning of another. I guess I feel a bit trapped. I know this is my problem and I need to get over it. I just wondered if anyone had experienced the same and it had got better?
Thank you so much X X

If you are not enjoying the physical side of breastfeeding, why not express and bottle feed like you did with your first child?

I found that with mine there were cyclical waves of "this is so amazing and convenient" and "I loathe this, get it over with" through our whole bf journey (2years each).

I did find learning to feed in a wrap AMAZING for being able to carry on and do things. That helped. And (when possible!) being able to lie and chill and feed lying down while dicking about on my phone...that was ace. Made it into more of a rest for both of us. Obviously with an older one too this only happened at night when I put her down or sometimes before one of her daytime naps. But so worth it for enjoying it again.

Is it nursing aversion?

You don't need to get over it, you can bottle feed if you'd prefer. A month is still good going and she's had the colostrum etc.

Read about D-MER I had this and absolutely dreaded BF

If you don't like it don't do it! Your baby will be fine either way so no need to martyr yourself.

If you hate it then stop doing it.

I found that with mine there were cyclical waves of "this is so amazing and convenient" and "I loathe this, get it over with" through our whole bf journey (2years each).

This

If you don't want to do it, don't.

Of course it's entirely your choice whether you bf or not. But it is likely to get easier - both in terms of frequency of feeds dropping and you becoming accustomed to it. I am 2y into bf my third child, having bf the older two for 4.5 and 3y respectively, still doing the odd night feed even now, and even I get moments of just wanting to be left alone a bit. But the benefits (all round - both in terms of their health and in terms of making life easier for me) have far outweighed all of that. So IIWY, which I'm not, I would try to ride this out.

Yes yes to learning to feed in a sling and getting out and about. Get clothes that work for you (not necessarily expensive nursing ones - I wore/wear a lot of things where I can pull the neck down - am pretty flat-chested, though, so this may not work for you).

If you're looking for someone to tell you it's ok to stop then I'll be that person. Express or formula feed if you need to.

I'm all for breastfeeding but if you just don't like it, then stop. Fed is best.

So quit.

I hear you I bf both my first was a guzzler tons of wind 2 hourly bloody tiring and infuriating and I wasn't the biggest fan but I did it. Practically for me not having to boil wait feed throw out sterilize blah blah that I had to do with my second ds ( had severe lactose intolerance) also 3 almost 4 years down the line I see what appears to be a strong immune system he gets over illness easily unlike his brother ( I fed ds1 to 14m and ds2 6.
However if I really hated it I wouldn't do it again I would express and feed ( I'm an over supplier) or just switch it's really a personal decision good luck it willlll get MUCH easier in time

Persevering with something that makes your skin crawl is not going to help your bond with your baby or your own mental health. If you want to express of formula feed then do it!

A month is very early days - at a month everything is hard going!

I agree that it goes in waves, but they definitely veer more towards the 'this is so wonderful and convenient' as they grow.

For you liara maybe, but not everyone

Is a tongue tie a possibility? I found that I was very reluctant to feed DS. He guzzled, and was very windy, and rarely nodded off on the breast, though he gained weight ok. At 9 weeks he poked his tongue out and it curled strangely. I saw a lactation consultant who immediately said tt, and when we got it snipped the lady told us it was a 75% posterior tie. Feeding improved dramatically, and a short while later I realised I had been recoiling because feeding him had been bloody painful and I hadn't realised. Still going strong happily at 9mo.

It is at times, bloody hard work. I told myself at various stages that I would give up, but nearly 3 years on, my DD still has a night time feed.

Aside from the bonding, I found it forced me to sit down and relax. I was able to catch up on lots of tv, text, go on Mumsnet, and even occasionally do some Degree study.

I only put on baby weight in my first pregnancy, and the breastfeeding helps your uterus to contract and become smaller again, so within a very short timeframe I looked just like I did pre-pregnancy. It also makes you lose weight, so for me I lost lots of weight and looked better than I had done in a few years. The large amounts of walking I was doing probably helped too, as I was too scared to take public transport with a large pram. I put it all back on though about a year later as feeds reduced and visiting family bring sugar-laden cakes and biscuits that I have no willpower to resist!

I’ve breastfed both mine (still feeding the youngest at 16 months). I agree with the cycle of love/hate especially In The early days when it feels like you are tied to the baby.

My youngest was also quite unsettled but I had her tongue tie cut and did cranial osteopathy and she settled (probably largely down to just getting a bit older too in reality!)

Take a look at the thread a bit further down about bf positives - lots of reasons!

But you have to do what is right for you, and if that's bottle feeding then switch. Happy mum = happy baby.

I found with both mine that 4 weeks old was the worst. After 6 weeks it got distinctly better and by 10 weeks it became easy.
I got through the 3-6 weeks thanks to a breast pump and with ds some formula feeds (I had breast thrush with him which made it extra painful).

If your baby is feeding every 2 hours with the current growth spurt it's going to be crap no matter what. Hopefully it'll abate in the next few days. If she's taking in too much air then trying feeding lying on your back, her face down on a breast, may help.

Good luck with the next few weeks - everything should get better no matter how you end up feeding.

Thank you to everyone for your responses - I so appreciate the time you've taken! You've made a tired and vulnerable mum feels lots better X X