Negative breastfeeding comments

[Cupcakegirl13]

Hi there this is my first thread but I'm a looooong time lurker. I'm hoping for some good ideas! Last Sunday I was at church ( where I have been going every week for most of my life) and I was breastfeeding my 11 week old DD after the service when a male friend ( who has three children of his own ) came over to chat. He saw what I was doing and promptly turned heel and started talking to the people in front of me very loudly about how he'd just had a close escape from being majorly embarrassed as he hadn't realised I was feeding Not that it should matter one iota but there was littterally zero breast on show anyway just a ruffled up top and babies head. The people he was talking to laughed with him. I called over hello to him and asked if he was ok , he kept his back to me and said he couldn't talk to me because I was feeding and it made him feel uncomfortable. By this point I was starting to feel a little upset as he was being very loud in sharing his opinion and others were listening so I said well this is 2017 and breastfeeding is a totally normal thing to be doing, he reiterated he was uncomfortable with what I was doing and that he couldn't talk to me whilst I was doing it. He also said if I bottle fed he wouldn't feel at all uncomfortable !!! By this point I was feeling pretty humiliated as others were listening in and I was close to tears so I picked up my baby and walked off it was pretty clear I was raging ! Now aside from the obvious Christian bashing potential of this thread what decent comebacks can I have up my sleeve for when I see him at church later on this morning. I want him to realise he can't go around making breastfeeding mothers feel like shit !!!

Shame on him. And it’s Advent! Does he think Mary bottlefed?!

I would go to church leadership honestly and have them speak to him or put out a comment about supporting new mothers. His behavior was unacceptable. I’ve nursed in church and would be horrified to have had such a reaction. Sorry OP.

Please don't be upset. What you are doing - feeding your baby- is totally normal.
I've no words of wisdom to give as a retort, as in 2 yrs of feeding, I either had no comments, or positive ones whilst feeding.
Congrats on your newish baby

Ah thanks ! I kkowvthis is baby number 3 for me and it's the first negative comment I've ever had. I can't believe people are still so ignorant about it.

In public, I always say - would you speak like that/ask the same of a bottle feeding mother? But as your friend has already addressed that he wouldn't, I would probably ask why he is so uncomfortable with the human body and to keep his strange body issues to himself instead of putting them on to a woman who is just feeding her baby. I'd make sure he knew that the attitude problem is firmly his and that the polite and adult thing to do is look away and not to humiliate anyone. I am on no3 and I tend to get lots of positive comments and thumbs ups etc instead, the most negative thing I have ever had are men staring but I can do a very good "I'm going to kill you" face and that sees them off.

I wouldn't actually talk to this person again, he sounds like an idiot.

I'd tell him that his comments are making ME uncomfortable and I shouldn't talk to him until he's finished being an idiot. Then I'd suggest if he put tape on his mouth I wouldn't feel uncomfortable at all! (Ok, so I wouldn't think of it until way later but I'd wish I'd say it)

Ugh. Yes, you should bottle feed just so the one time a week for 5 mins that someone wants to say hello they're not uncomfortable.

It makes me sad these views are held, please don't let it out you off feeding at church, carry right on with it. You are doing NOTHING wrong.

I've read breastfeeding is very good for protecting the child from developing future allergies, it has something to do with the baby's not yet fully developed immune system. Just keep going!

Give him a framed copy of this. Or print it out and stick it to your boob whilst BFing

He is the one in the wrong. There is a lovely Victorian picture somewhere of a woman bfing at church. And as someone else said, how exactly does he think Mary fed Jesus? Not to mention the numerous pieces of art featuring her doing just that. Actually, there's your hook. Would he tell Mary to stop bfing the baby Jesus because it made him uncomfortable?

I’ve breastfed in church loads! Just say it’s your baby getting lunch, if HE feels awkward it’s because he’s forgetting that breasts are for food, his sexual connection to them is socially constructed and not your fault.
Jesus definitely would have been breastfed!!

steady cross post

Speak to the church leadership. That’s outrageous, and he needs to be told it’s unacceptable.

Avoid him: what a tool.

Well the Pope told a woman to feed her baby as it was hungry when she was waiting to see him...
I'd just go 'Well, if it was good enough for Jesus' or something and then say him doing that is illegal, you intend to speak to the vicar/priest etc, and politely tell him where to go.

I don’t know your denomination but if you are Catholic then you may wish to show him this

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2017/jan/08/pope-francis-encourages-mothers-breastfeed-sistine-chapel

I'd go full throttle and say
"Maybe you are embarrassed as you perceive the breast and nipple to have the sole purpose of male pleasure?

May I inform you that the primary purpose is for feeding a baby? You rather embarrassed me, which felt unkind and I feel in 2017 you actually rather embarrassed yourself"

Not acceptable and I wouldn't let it go. Added to the the law recognises it too, which you can throw in for good measure!!

You say he’s a friend - I would try and speak to him privately and explain he embarrassed you and ask him not to make such a big deal. Make it absolutely clear that this is JIS problem (I’m sorry you’ve been brought up to believe breastfeeding is in some way sexual...) and you won’t be stopping.

But ultimately if it really makes him that he uncomfortable after 3 children of his own then you aren’t going to change his views. If the idea of talking to a woman he knows well while she feeds is the cause of ‘major’ embarrassment then it’s ibvioysly deep seated.

A friend of ours said ‘oh I can finally face you to talk to you’ the first time he met a mural friends baby. As the evening wore on he realised there would be almost no point when this 5 day old wasn’t feeding and he would have to get over himself!!

HIS problem obviously...not JIS

Wow - what an absolute knob. 100% his problem not yours. Could your priest have a quiet word?

Baby Jesus was breastfed. There wasn’t any such thing as formula milk or safe bottle feeding back then. So yeah, if it’s good enough for the baby Jesus, it’s good enough for a baby born nowadays!

There are many, many religious paintings and statues of Mary breastfeeding the baby Jesus.

Plus, I know it’s already been said upthread, but the Pope has publicly encouraged breastfeeding mothers to breastfeed their infants in mass if their babies are hungry. Especially useful if you’re Catholic.

He sounds like a weirdo. Just squirt some in his eye

Fartniss

Update OP??

maybe he was embarrassed because he equates bf with a sexual area of your body (to him) & he felt a moment of attraction to you - hence the ott loud declaration that he wasn't looking at you -?!!

Or maybe that's too much pop psychology?!

When my DD was 1 week old I bf her in church under a cover, and took communion with her still feeding- the vicar put her hand on baby's head & gave her a blessing- lots of people smiled - it was a lovely moment