Tandem feeding questions

[WinkyWinkola]

My DS is 24 months and still breast fed. My DD is ten days old and she too is breast fed.

How can I make sure that DD is receiving the 'right' kind of milk? Is it just a question of making sure she is full up?

DS is also going bonkers and wanting to be bf more and more and more. He just used to have it in the morning, nap and bedtimes. He's driving me to distraction as I find feeding them at the same time quite difficult. Will this pass? I know it's a tricky time for him emotionally.

Also, child led weaning. I'd like this to happen with all my DCs but DS seems to never lose interest even during my pregnancy with DD. I'm not sure I want him to still be feeding at 3 years old as I don't know if I'll still have the strength by then. Is is unusual for a child not to self wean by then?

I'd be grateful for any advice.

Hi Winky, most children left to self wean will do so between 2 and 4 years of age. I felt the same as you when my ds was 2 - that I would not really want to continue for another year or god forbid, 2 years, but I ended up feeding him until a couple of months short of his 4th birthday when he decided it was time to stop. I felt quite distressed in some ways as it had become only a source of pleasure for both of us, and not draining or taxing at all.

Feeding a 3 year old is very different to feeding a 2 year old and you can negotiate and keep breastfeeding to certain places and times of day. I found it a very relaxing and peaceful way to end the day and know that it meant a great deal to my ds to be able to give up gradually and in his own time.

I would imagine at the moment he is pretty unsettled by the new baby and is using breastfeeding as a source of comfort and a way of getting close to you. I would say that it is a wonderful thing for him to be able to breastfeed frequently at the moment and that it will pass as he settles down to having a baby sister.

I will find some links on Kellymom about the different sorts of milk and how to feel confident that your baby is getting what she needs. There is also a great book called "Adventures in Tandem Nursing" which may help you through the next few months.

Congratulations on your TWO children and I really admire you for the way you are coping with this demanding situation.

Hmm, not as much info on there as I thought, but a brief FAQ which includes the information that after the first few days (colostrum), you needn't worry about who is getting more milk or who is being fed first. I have read elsewhere that after giving birth the milk will always be suitable for your newborn, while not being unsuitable for your toddler. Good luck with it and HTH

Thank you very much, Franny. I have been wondering whether I was actually coping because I was getting ratty with DS as he still wakes in the night for feeds etc. But it's getting easier as the days wear on. I'll carry on for as long as the little lad wants to but not martyring myself, hopefully.

I just had DD weighed this morning and she's 2ozs over her birth weight so she's evidently getting what she needs too.

I got the Adventures In Tandem Nursing book last week and am about to plough into it.

Thanks again.

I would think any mother with a new baby was liable to be ratty! I think it is easy to focus on the negatives of breastfeeding a toddler (can be wearing, physically irritating, etc) and overlook the advantages (can help your toddler be more secure and contented, contributes to your close bond, every breastfeed releases oxytocin and prolactin which relax you and help you to feel nurturing and loving. Can't be bad

Fab news about the weight gain - Harpsichordcarrier has always told me that tandem feeding was a superb way to boost your supply for your new baby.

Was it you with the bonkers inlaws, btw? How is that going?

hi winky, this is a bit of a hijack but i am 6 weeks pg and still feeding my DS who is 16 months. when you were pg and still feeding did you find you were starving and completely knackered. i know its early in my pg but im so tired at the mo im wondering how i'll cope feeding two when new one arrives and also that the way im eating i'll be the size of a house.

DS is showing no intentions of cutting back on feeds, if anything he seems to want it more, perhaps my supply is dwindling? he is also still waking in the night but im trying to stop this but its not easy. i have got him from every 2 - 3 hours to a feed at bedtime, 11ish then anytime around 5am, althogh he sometimes wakes inbetween and can be difficult to settle as he wants milk and im saying no. what did you do, did you just carry on as normal or did you try and cut back on night feeds when you were pg?

sorry for the hijack, its just i dont know anyone in RL who has fed during pg

Vnmum you might also find the tandem feeding FAQ on Kellymom is useful, and I am going to point HC at this thread in the hope she has time to come and post some support for you both.

Hi Vnmum,

My DS didn't seem to change his night time feeding habits when I was pg. He would trot into our room circa 1am and have a feed and then fall asleep again in our bed. Regular as clockwork. Then another feed in the morning upon waking.

It's only now the baby is here that's he's demanding more feeds.

And yes, during pg, I was so hungry and tired. More so than with my first. Everything (like any problems or issues) seemed magnified because I think it was because it was all so much more of an effort and I was extra tired. But come second trimester, I felt more normal and then by third, tired out again.

Looking back, I am glad I carried on bfing through prgnancy and even now with two little ones. It's hard work though but all I keep reading / hearing about are the benefits of doing it. Plus I'm back into my normal jeans ten days after birth and I reckon that's to do with feeding two children.

hello willywinkola and congratulations!
As long as you are feeding your dd on demand, then there is no reason why she shouldn't be getting plenty. your body will just adjust and your supply will go up.
I sympathise about ds's increased demands - it is predictable but probably draining!
I would have a box of tricks on hand to distract - up to and including dvds and chocolate buttons! this is a tricky time and everyone needs to be kind to themselves imo.

re child led weaning - I tandem fed dd1 and dd2 (2.5 years apart) until dd1 self weaned - which was around 3 and a half. although after three the feeds got more and more spaced out until towards the end she was asking only occasionally. imo most children self wean between 2 and 4, but of course it is up to you if you want to set any limits. with dd1 I only fed her in her bedroom i.e. before nap and bedtime after the age of around two - although it all went to pot after dd2 was born!
hth

vnmum, just reading your hijack
it is usual for your supply to drop off during pregnancy, and then to start producing colostrum, but I think 6 weeks is probably a bit early for this to kick in. I think it is likely that you are just experiencing early pregnancy crapola feeling! and we all know how that feels.
I fed through my pregnancy and yes I did start to set some limits for the sake of my sanity and health! but dd1 was quite amenable to negotiation and a bit older than your ds. I have a dd2 of 16 months, who still feeds very regularly and through the night. If you are finding the night feeds difficult, can your dh/p take over for while, or could you try offering a drink of water in the night?
good luck and I hope it works out. I found bf through pregnancy and tandem feeding a really wonderful experience, one of the best of my life tbh and made the transition for dd1 much easier imo. I also think it made feeding dd2 much esaier and cemented their relationship - they are very close and I have never had any problems of rivalry from dd1.

thanks harpsichorder,
i have managed to get ds down to 11pm and then im trying to push him to around 5.30-6am but the past few nights hes woke at 4.30 and tantrumed etc, not settled with water and has carried on till ive given in and fed him at 5.30ish. he still cosleeps and im finding that difficult at the mo as hes very active and kicks my belly sometimes and my head for that matter so im hoping to get him in his own bed and room before this baby is born, although i have an inckling that may be easier said than done.

ive roped DH in for a few nights starting tonight so we'll see how that goes.

i really do want to tandem feed as apart fom the nights i still enjoy feeding ds and have no other reason to stop