Close to giving up!

[TippetyTapWriter]

Gave birth to dd 4 days ago. Second dc but couldn't breastfeed first time round and was hoping this time would be better. It's not!

Had a planned c section, but did some skin to skin in recovery and dd latched on. It was uncomfortable for me but my ds never managed to latch so no idea what it was meant to feel like. Dd cotinued skin to skin in ward, latching often then falling asleep. Over 24 hours it got more and more painful for me until nipples were cracked and bleeding and I was in tears at the thought of it. Google suggests shallow latch is the problem but saw multiple midwives and breastfeeding peer support worker who all said latch ok and gave same suggestions. Tried nipple shield but my nipple tore the minute dd latched on to it and the whole thing was full of blood!

Decided to rest my nipples for a bit and hand express colostrum and give formula top ups as dd very hungry and slightly jaundiced.

Saw lactation consultant today who didn't seem to approve of this and had little sympathy for my pain. Said I needed to put dd to breast or pump every two hours. Today my milk also came in and my breasts are engorged and painful. LC watched dd feed and said she isn't even feeding just 'nibbling', so all that pain and she hasn't even been getting any milk! I've tried pump to reduce engorgment but can only get a tiny bit of milk from one breast and nothing from the other. Even hand expressing which worked before isn't working. Scared my boob is going to explode! Or more seriously that I'll get mastitis. And my dd is still living off formula...

LC has diagnosed a tongue tie but said it isn't restricting movement of tongue so isn't causing the problem and nothing can be done anyway until dd is 1 week

Argh. Sorry this is long but what should I do? Nipples are too sore to latch dd, hand expressing and pump aren't working, my breasts are so painful and I just can't see how this is ever going to work!

Thanks ausparent. Unfortunately I'm sure latch isn't good still. Must have had a flukey day the other day when I seemed to be making progress.

Nipple is always pinched (white line down it) and I always get burning pain during feeding and vasospasm after feeding. And dd hardly gets any milk! I think she's definitely too used to bottles now. She's hardly gaping at all anymore and has started to slide or pull off the nipple like it's just too hard work. Coupled with my woeful supply means I think I really am near to admitting defeat.

I'm sick of the pain, I'm sick of dd being hungry, I'm sick of the guilt that I've failed to find time to pump yet again, sick of feeling like a failure in general for not making enough milk, sick of having to neglect my son. And most of all I hate the fact that I now dread the sight of my daughter starting to wake up, knowing it's going to be another 2hr round of pain and frustration!

You know what, OP? It's ok to give up. You have tried so very hard to make breastfeeding work. It's been a week since the TT was divided and I'm really sorry things haven't improved. I still think it was worth a try. If you decide to stop breastfeeding and switch to formula, that's ok. The most important thing is to feed the baby! And your mental health is important too.

Thanks, you're right. We're still going for now, mainly due to a great hv who came yesterday and showed me an old school way to latch dd which is basically just shoving her on the boob when her mouth opens. It actually works much better than all the breast sandwich, flipple techniques. Although I also ended up with a milk blister yesterday which was excruciating! Took me ages to figure out what it was but as soon as I braved putting dd on to feed the pain just went (after 30 seconds of agony!).

Still not satisfying dd with my milk. Occasionally she'll fall asleep at the breast and stay asleep for a while but normally she's hungry even after having both sides twice. I think my supply is going up a little as I now get some sensation of fullness between feeds. The hv seemed quite positive that if I can keep latching dd well, she'll feed more effectively, stimulate my supply and it'll gradually start to meet her needs. She made it all sound doable and without any need for pumping and domperidone. I don't know if she's any more right than the LC but it made me feel better. I'm still finding it all quite gruelling though, and when dd is still hungry after breast, bottle and more breast I begin to doubt if I'm ever going to keep up with what she needs. Maybe if she'd been a little one I'd have more chance but she's 91st centile and I think still trying to catch up to the 95th+ centile she was at birth! She seems insatiable.

Anyway I think I'm rambling now. Tired brain! Thanks again to everyone who's helped me.

The health visitor sounds great, very supportive and encouraging - glad to hear it. Good news that your supply is going up. You might just be getting there slowly but surely. If your DD is still 91st centile despite all the problems you've had, you've done amazingly!

Have you googled cluster feeding? Babies can go through phases of seeming insatiable while they are increasing your supply, so it could just be a normal breastfeeding thing now shes getting the hang of it. Really took me be surprise the first time mine did it- just seemed constant but once they've got your supply sorted it they slow down a bit (until the next growth spurt....).

You should be giving yourself a MASSIVE pat on the back- well done for your persistence and really glad you're making progress!