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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

I was on the post natel ward last night (visiting a friend) and this made me sad.

49 replies

princessmel · 13/04/2007 13:34

I'm not trying to cause a row but just wondered if this would upset others too.

I was visiting my friend and her georgous new baby boy.(I'm so excited!) He is lovely and she was feeding him really well.

Anyway on the bed next to her, there was another mum who was trying to bfeed her baby. The baby was crying a little bit (actually not crying, just wimpering) and a midwife came over. They chatted a bit and then 2 minutes later the midwife came over with a bottle. She said 'have you ever fed a baby before?', meaning with a bottle, and then they gave the baby a bottle while they chatted about the birth.

Me and my friend just thought that the midwife should have tried to help her with the bf a bit more. Offer bf councellors /trainers ( wrong word?) etc before just rushing in with a bottle.

Anyway, maybe she didn't want to bf but she was trying and if she'd had a bit more help and advice she may have managed it. I don't know if she has tried again after that bottle.

OP posts:

fannyannie · 13/04/2007 16:47

"erm, no, he's my second and i bf dd for a year why would i need bottles 'just in case' "

I wish I'd been offered bottles "just in case" for DS2. Despite having very successfully Breastfed DS1 for 14 months DH was out at Tescos at 2am 5 days after DS2 was born buying bottles, formula and a steriliser...........doesn't always work out the way we think it will.

mumto3girls · 13/04/2007 16:47

Woe Badelaide...that is a great story!

babyonboard · 13/04/2007 16:53

Oh this brings back memories. after I delivered DS I had a retained placenta and so had to go into theatre, they handed my (bewildered and emotional) DP a bottle 'for baby's first feed' whilst I was in there, without my consent and which he accepted, and I got no support at all with my attempts to BF from then on. After that the nurse on the ward regularly left bottles and teats at the end of the bed without so much as a word to me.

I think they started us of on the wrong note and thats why I never properly established it.

Things absolutely need to change, I know some hospitals/PCT's are fab in supporting breastfeeding, but the majority aren't and I think they have so much paperwork and buearocracy to contend with they don't get time to really help mothers.

3andnomore · 13/04/2007 16:56

princessel...I ahd a similar experience when I was in Hossie after ys Birth...
This lovely girl joined us on my last night, and she had her 2. Baby...problems first time round, so, never really got to bf but really wanted to give it a go!
Her lil one wouldn't latch on that well, and she was really getting down on herself...saying, oh I am so stupid I can't do this, etc...and I kept saying that it takes time to learn, etc...well...youngish m/w came in and she was looking and said, well, don't look like you are managing and went and got a bottle , which sadly, rahter then make that girl relieved, reassured her even ore that she was obviously to stupid (it made me so cross)...
next m/w came in, and saw her bottlefeeding, and said, oh, I thought you wanted to try an bf...and this girl said to her : oh I couldn't get the hang of it, I am just to stupid to do it, so the other m/w gave me this.
The m/w didn't say anything to this, I think, she just didn't want to rub it in or make the other m/w look stupid, but she was cross...!I jsut hope the girl didn't think that the m/w was cross with her.

3andnomore · 13/04/2007 17:02

hm...lovelymoo..no one was judging though?well..not the new mum anyway!

hunkermunker · 13/04/2007 17:04

Without knowing what was said, it's hard to know what went on.

I know when I was in, the woman in the bed opposite asked for a bottle "until her milk came in" - told the midwife she wanted to bfeed, then asked for a bottle.

Midwife said "SMA or Cow and Gate?"

bigbird2003 · 13/04/2007 17:45

no comment on the original post as we don't actually know the full circumstances

I keep reading over and over, I had no milk in hospital. Why aren't people told it takes time for the milk to come in? We were told really clearly (18 years ago) that for the first few days it was colustrum only, in small amounts then after a few days, hey presto....breast milk

Seriously interested, are the antenatal groups that bad or have they stopped?

Original poster

princessmel · 13/04/2007 18:03

Hi, I wasn't judging at all. I bottlefed ds from quite young, didn't bf him for no way near as long as dd - its a long story. ( I'm still bf dd now at 20m)

I just felt that she could have had more help and advice. I know I didn't hear the conversation in full. Maybe like 3andnomore said, she was trying and just felt that she couldn't do it, but she might have been if given enough time. And help and support etc.

I also understand that people have given bottles then gone on to bf succesfully for ages. I hope thats what she will do, if she wants to.

OP posts:

Original poster

princessmel · 13/04/2007 18:04

might have been able to

OP posts:

GamePointGary · 13/04/2007 18:07

at least they are helpful though. When I had dd I was too ill to feed her. I was in a side room flat on my back and she was on special care and some midiwfe came in and had a go at me for being an irresponsible young mother who wassticking bottles in my babies mouth I hadnt even been well enough to hold her, let alone feed her

Peridot30 · 13/04/2007 18:10

Maybe she had been trying and her and midwife had previously had a conversation about changing to bottles.

Original poster

princessmel · 13/04/2007 18:15

How sad gamepointgary and rude.

Just spoke to my friend on the phone and the lady was still bottle feeding when she left to go home.

And the lady opposite her didn't get much help either. In the night she called out for a midwife and said her nipples were really sore. The midwife said 'we don't have any cream' so the lady said 'can I have a bottle then?'. The mw said 'cow and gate or sma?' . Didn't check her positioning or latch or anything.

My friend said that nobody came round to check her feeding before she left. They did 3 years before when she had her dd.

OP posts:

Original poster

princessmel · 13/04/2007 18:16

I hope so Peridot30.

OP posts:

3andnomore · 13/04/2007 18:20

gpg...that is horrible, you poor thing! Things like that really make me cross

Princess....maybe yuor friend should put a complaint in? BTW, is that Hospital supposedly Babyfriendly?

Original poster

princessmel · 13/04/2007 18:30

Yes maybe she should.
I'll ask about the babfriendly bit , not sure. It was where I had ds.

OP posts:

LucyJu · 13/04/2007 18:46

Had both my dds in a BabyFriendly hospital and had fantastic bf support (with the exception of one cantankerous old mw who told me I was being "selfish").
OTOH, a woman opposite chose to bottlefeed from day 1, and I felt a bit sorry for her, constantly having to explain herself. (only a bit mind.... gawd, that woman never stopped complaining. And she expected the midwives to feed her baby for her - that's not normal, is it?)
Anyway, my point is that women should have the opportunity to make an informed choice and should be properly supported in that choice thereafter.

Jenkeywoo · 13/04/2007 21:51

DD was born at 35 weeks and we were in the transitional care unit (somewhere between scbu and normal post-natal. She was had to be tube fed and had to have formula as she needed something in her tum straight away. I was stuck in recovery after my c-section for 8 hours and didn't see her at all - as soon as I got to the ward I demanded a breastpump but had to ask repeatedly for it - at nights they kept trying to get me to leave her in the nursery all night but I insisted that they woke me for her tube feeds so I could do it and that they woke me to express milk. Another lady opposite me was also expressing and she was really struggling to get any milk - one night the midwife on duty mixed up our EBM and it had to be thrown out so her little boy had to have formula. It also took me and her to figure out that he was tongue-tied - they kept accusing her of not having enough milk. We were told we were silly for getting up in the night to feed or express and many mums tried to breastfeed by day but left them with the midwives and a bottle at night. By day 5 she was fully tube fed my milk and on day 6 she finally latched on and on day 7 we went home. To be able to leave she had to have surpassed her birth weight (good going for any new baby) - they assured me that as soon as she breastfed she would lose weight but they didn't realise that the second she so much as wimpered she had my boob in her mouth! I was determined. She didn't lose weight and in fact came home 200g over her birth weight. I believe that my successful breastfeeding was due to my sheer bloody determination - the lady in the bed next to me wanted to express but didn't as the midwives didn't have time to show her how (I had expressed full-time for dd1 so knew what to expect). I agree that we don't know the full story of the lady that princessmel overheard but there is no doubt in my mind that there are hospitals out there who do not do nearly enough to make sure that those who want to breastfeed are properly supported.

Original poster

princessmel · 13/04/2007 21:59

Wow Jenky, good for you

You did so well despite not having the support.

How are your nights going??

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 13/04/2007 22:00

She may try after she gets out!

A good friend of mine formula-fed for the first week of her son's life.

She got some great counselling and went on to exclusively BF for 8 months.

powder28 · 13/04/2007 22:00

A friend of mine said she felt pressured to bf, but I chose to bottle feed both my ds1&2. At no point did any of the mw make me feel bad for bottlefeeding.

Jenkeywoo · 13/04/2007 22:25

Hi princessmel - nights no better really - I've just got back from the 4th wake-up since 7.30pm! at the very least she does seem to be having a feed at 12.30am then sleeping through till 6am which could be worse! I think if I hadn't gone through so much to bf in the first place I may not be so darned stubborn about it all now!

yellowrose · 13/04/2007 22:45

princess - what you describe is a fecking mess and the MAIN reason I refused to give birth in a hospital (I was convinced I would be given an unncessary c-section and that I would be forced into formula feeding the first time they heard ds cry).

I honestly don't know how many more years, centuries it is going to take for mw's to be properly trained in not giving formula the minute they hear a baby cry.

3andnomore · 14/04/2007 21:01

the whole conditioning of society is pretty scary, isn't it...I mean not just in Birthing, but so many otehr aspects of life!
Don't get me wrong, we should celebrate, quite rightly, medical advance, BUT should also appreciate the natural ways, etc...

Wallace · 14/04/2007 21:11

Another postive story for you. When I had ds2 last year the midwives were really great helping mothers in the ward to breastfeed. On one side of me there was a young mother, on the other a baby that was a few weeks early. They sat for ages with these mums helping with postitioning, etc and I gathered the policy was not to let mums go home until tthey were confident latching on. Even with the baby that was early and struggling to feed, they didn't use bottles. The mother expressed milk which was give by syringe (I think)

What a difference from when I had dd 5 years ago! I was really impressed

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