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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

SO how do you stop breastfeeding a clingy 2 year old?

70 replies

popsycal · 08/04/2007 15:10

He has a morning and night time feed and an occasional one before or after a nap (I usually try distracting him from having this)

He would be distraught with 'cold turkey' - he is very much still into his feeding. He is going through a stage of demanding it all of the time and, coupled with tantrums, and still poor sleep, I think I I just about ready for him to stop.

I try to do the 'don't offer' thing already.

How do you cope with the meltdowns when you stop?

OP posts:
Boco · 08/04/2007 17:57

Waaah, spooky, maybe you are? And i'm you - maybe its like fightclub, but more like boobclub, and maybe i'm a figment of your imagination.

Remember, first rule of boobclub, don't talk about boobclub etc.

FrannyandZooey · 08/04/2007 18:17

I think you should both carry on and stop giving a shit about what other people think of what you have decided for your child

but that's just me

(I often felt much the same, but the embarrassment kind of wears off after a few years . The advantages of continuing are countless, IMO)

Original poster
popsycal · 08/04/2007 18:23

The embarrassment for me is just a minor factor tbh. I just feel drained by the whole thing tbh. However, that said, I will probably just ride the storm, so to speak, and go with it!

And wait until he puts on another 7lbs!

OP posts:
Original poster
popsycal · 08/04/2007 18:25

I had a discussion today with DH, who is being really supportive about it all and says to do what ever I think best for both me and ds2. He doesn't quite 'get' the extended breastfeeding thing and keeps quoting ds2's eczema, constant rattly cough, bad sleep and clinginess.....

I am sick of hearing 'juice baba' today though! Even from the top of a slide in the park, in the style of a battle cry!

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Boco · 08/04/2007 18:29

How long did you bf F&Z? Did your child self wean?

For me the embarrassment thing has only just started, i've always been really confident and really sure of my decision. I think it's started since she's developed such good speech and suddenly seems so much older - even a xmas time she was a baby, (she's 2yrd 3 months) and now she's explaining things in sentences and the way i feel about it is changing.

Just the fact that she can give me reasons why she wants to feed, 'i want booby-milk now please mummy cos its derlissus' - makes me feel like its time to wean!.

Also i've only recently had direct criticism and comments which i've dealt with, but it's knocked my confidence a bit - like my step-mother saying it's 'disgusting', and several people telling me i'm only doing it because i'm not having any more children etc.

Boco · 08/04/2007 18:31

At least juicebaba isn't too explicit. I was in the opticians a couple of weeks ago, having my eyes tested in a separate room, and i could here her in the packed waiting room (with dp) howling 'i need a booby milk NOW pleeeaasseee!'

FrannyandZooey · 08/04/2007 18:35

Ds just recently self-weaned Boco - he is 4 on Tuesday.

Breastfeeding was very very important to him and when he could explain that to me, it just made it clearer to me how much it meant to him. I, like you, believe it has helped make him the confident and happy little person that he is. There were times when I would have happily stopped forever, and times when I felt completely drained, "touched out", knackered from all-night feeding, etc, but those times came and went, and looking back over the four years I mostly remember it as a joy. The last year in particular was very special - we had reached an agreement about when and where he would feed and it was only ever convenient and pleasant for me.

I truly think the benefits outweigh the hassles. Weaning at a time when they are very needy is going to be like swimming against a fast flowing river - exhausting. They are this small for such a very short time, in the grand scheme of things. And you have almost certainly done the hardest part already.

Well done to both you and popsy for all the months and years of breastfeeding!

Elasticwoman · 08/04/2007 18:47

Hear hear, F&Z. My ds self weaned at about 5 - can't remember exactly when it was, it was so gradual. It was sporadic for quite a while before that and he used to come in our bed and help himself.

I'm sad that some mothers seem embarrassed for it to be known that they bf a toddler. Why? I think it's something to be proud of and if I have any regrets, it's that I didn't bf my dds for longer (they had a year each). The AVERAGE length of time a child is bf, worldwide, is 3 or 4 years I think. It's our society which is out of step, weaning babies long before they are ready for it, just for our own convenience.

Boco · 08/04/2007 18:51

Thank you f&z, that's really inspiring.

I don't know anyone in rl who has fed this long, and it's easy to get bogged down in what i think other people think i should be doing.

Right now i don't think i'd be able to wean as it's too important to dd. It's lovely that you and your ds could come to an agreement about it that suited you both. I should use dds increased speech and understanding to actually talk to her about it more, rather than beat myself up with the feeling that she's therefore too grownup and that i'm doing something odd.

She is going through a particularly needy phase right now because she's been ill, i just need to remind myself it's not always like this - usually its wonderful and i know it's heartbreakingly soon that she'll outgrow it anyway.

Gosh, i feel a renewed sense of confidence in this, thank you both.

FrannyandZooey · 08/04/2007 18:57

Boco

I have found MN a great source of sisterhood for extended breastfeeding - there are a LOT of us out here. It does help. Nobody likes to feel totally out on a limb.

Do you ever go to LLL meetings? Well worth trying IMO, or just ring your local leader for a sustaining chat once in a while if meetings are not easy to get to. Can get you phone number if you like?

I also really enjoyed reading the books "Mothering your Nursing Toddler" and "How Weaning Happens". Both very inspiring and reassuring reads.

Boco · 08/04/2007 18:58

x-post elasticwoman. I am proud, its been so wonderful, and i also wished i'd fed dd1 for longer.

But you do get negativity, comments, looks. I have been told it's disgusting and that i'll scar her for life, i have had friends make the bitty jokes. Last weekend i had friends stay who didnt' realise i was still bf, who were saying how wierd women are who breastfeed toddlers, that it was a bit gross, says more about the woman than the child etc etc. I told them straight away, and gave them a brief lecture on the benefits - but its just that feeling that you have to explain yourself that i sometimes find hard, and when dd asks for it and i catch little exchanged glances between people.

Not a reason to stop, but its good to have a thread like this to reinforce my own feelings about it and hear from other people who have total confidence in it.

Boco · 08/04/2007 18:59

This reply has been deleted

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FrannyandZooey · 08/04/2007 19:01

and I am linking to this thread partly just because I love it so much, but also to show you how much support there is for extended breastfeeders on here, and finally to show you just a few of the many posters who are still quietly breastfeeding older children as they go about their business on Mumsnet

hope you don't mind the kind of hijack, popsy

FrannyandZooey · 08/04/2007 19:04

Finally, this page was a huge source of comfort to me and I used to sometimes carry a copy with me when having a very hard week

right popsy I will get off your thread. I am sure you will do what is best for both you and ds, whether that is weaning now or at a later date.

Jacanne · 08/04/2007 19:20

F&Z, your nursing/self-weaning story is lovely.

Boco/Popsycal - would this link on nursing manners help. Might give you some ideas on lessening the embarrassment factor.

I'm still nursing my 2 year old - mainly an early morning feed and a grumpy mid-afternoon one. No-one has said anything but I get vibes from PIL and my own Mum, sadly. I think there are alot more of us then you'd think, though maybe it is "boobclub"

Boco · 08/04/2007 19:24

Lovely thread about your ds weaning - tbh i hadn't come across any extended bf threads on mn yet, it's really nice to see that there are lots of others.

I love the idea of the weaning dinner with the hemp umbilical cord

The kellymom page was the one i emailed to my stepmother and my dad after their accusations of it being disgusting and wierdy. Kellymom has been a lifesaver since day one of bf, it's great.

Popsycal sorry for highjacking too, i was just very excited to see someone else in the same position - do you think you'll keep going?

Boco · 08/04/2007 19:28

Jacanne would be interested in seeing the nursing manners link, thanks

Original poster
popsycal · 08/04/2007 20:18

I don't mind hijacks at all - very helpful hijacks

I was thinking of the 'I don't know anyone who has fed this long in real life' thing the other day. Then Dh sad well how many people know you still breastfeed? I only really talk about it if it comes up - and tell people then as I would discuss bottle feeding or whatever. So mine and dh's family know that I still breastfeed (deliberate capitals accompanied by obligatory roll of eyes of questioner), my mates know obviously but i tend not to wear my 'juicebaba' badge on the school run.

Longwinded way of saying - I bet more people do than we realise

OP posts:
Jacanne · 08/04/2007 20:27

Ooops - meant to be link in my original post . Here it is

www.kellymom.com/bf/older-baby/nursing-manners.html

Obviously it's been a longer day than I thought

Jacanne · 08/04/2007 20:28

Sorry - haven't figured out how to do a proper link yet,

FrannyandZooey · 08/04/2007 20:31

Yes too right popsy - we are a secretive little cabal

I have used that as a thing to reassure myself sometimes in fact - if I have ended up breastfeeding somewhere that strictly speaking I would rather have not, I used to think:

Well maybe one or two of the people who saw me will be thinking "oh good, it's not just me then", or might decide that no they don't have to wean just because their baby is a year old. Or that I've just made breastfeeding an older child a tiny bit more normal than it was before, just by doing it in public.

Maybe

FrannyandZooey · 08/04/2007 20:32

I am laughing at this thread title and all our responses.

I think the answer to your question may be "Erm....well...you don't"

Original poster
popsycal · 08/04/2007 20:42

i thikn you may be right franny lol

OP posts:
Original poster
popsycal · 08/04/2007 20:45

When i was giving ds2 his night time feed before he was just so sweet. I was chatting away to him and said that it was nearly sleepy time and the end of feeding and he said 'no mammy more juicebaba pppppeeeeeees' while doing his sign for 'change sides' with one hand and 'love you'with the other
awwwwh

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harpsichordcarrier · 08/04/2007 20:47

have just come on to say "er, you don't"
I bf dd1 until she self weaned (somewhere past three years old, hard to say when for sure as it was such a gradual process) and tbh it is one of the parenting decisions I am incredibly glad about. It really eased the transition to toddlerhood, into preschool age, through my pregnancy and the first year of her baby sister's life. I think letting your child self wean, if you want to, is the right thing to do.
I am still bf dd2 (16months) and plan to do the same with her. If anything, her relationship with my breasts is even more intense I am not saying it easy, but it is the right thing to do for us.
this last week, dd2 had this nasty g/e bug and hasn't really eaten anything since Wednesday night but she has had a whole load of bm. I went to see the GP and he said I bet you're really glad you carried on bf her.
It made me cry, actually.
anyway not sure what I am trying to say other than wait for another year and maybe you could try and introduce rules/limits gradually?