Tiktok, are you around? Or anyone who has used a BFC

[jofeb04]

Hiya,
Basically I didn't breastfeed my children, and even now (my youngest is 18months), I still get asked why I didn't by everyone I know!

I have been invited to a local LLL group, to see a BFC on the guilt I had, which I believe helped with the PND I had.

Do you feel this is worth me going? what will the BFC ask me? Getting nervous about talking openly with someone!

Thanks

I can't help directly with your questions about counselling but I just wanted to say that it is shocking that people are still askign you why you didn't. Do you think subconsciuosly you might keep bringing it up in conversation as it seems very odd that people would be asking about it?
I also wonder if normal counselling might be the way to go rather than BFC as it might be the guilt you need counselling for rather than the actual issue iyswim

what lucy said - it's not anyones business, esp by 18 months

but also - I guess it depends whether there was a 'reason' you chose not to bf, that would do with being aired with someone understanding of bf, or if you 'just didn't' iyswim

IMO don't go to the meeting though - chat privately if at all.

The other mothers may not be as tactful - and you may feel awkward around themgiven the circs.

jo, did you want to breastfeed? if something happened to stop that then it could be good to discuss it and find out more. maybe you didn't have the right support and are feeling guilty for something quite outside yoru control.

jofeb04 - totally sympathise with the guilt thing. Also, agree with what LJ and Kif have said.

It's mainly friends tbh (so called friends anyway) who don't know the circumstances around it all.
It's started up recently again, as one of them has has a dd, and is breastfeeding. She asked me "why didn't you do it with your two, it's so easy". I couldn't believe she had actually said it tbh, but it brings up all the feelings again iyswim.

TBH, I am really glad she is bf, but why has she mentioned it now?

Gosh - do you really get asked? My ds is 21 months and I failed to bf, but no-one has ever asked me about it. I still feel guilty and, like you, I think it contributed to my depression after ds was born. Why have the LLL group invited you? I hope it isn't to parade you around and ring bells shouting "unclean! unclean!" (that doesn't sound very helpful! )

sorry, meant to say, had several sessions with bfc to get feeding established but one-to-one. kif is right, group setting doesn't sound the best way.

Fishie,
I always planned to on my first, and wanted to with my second, but it didn't happen (no excuses, but I had two severe births, severe PND, and a crap mw who tried to force my ds on to the breast).

Btw, have now recalled: MIL said at the time "why is she struggling, it's natural innit?" (or words to that effect). Despite having bf her ds1 for about 3 weeks and ds2 (my dh) not at all.

Frankly it's not your friends' bloody business why you didn't, and even if it were, what can you do about it now? Bit too late to re-lactate methinks!

Tribpot,
I actually was in contact with the BFC (odv after my children were born) through my current job, and she said that if I wanted a session with her, then she is more than willing to help me with the feelings. And to laugh at people who bring it up now!

Well that sounds good, jofeb04. Worth a shot? I would counter your friends with spurious arguments on baby led weaning, use of the naughty chair with the under 2s, allowing TV watching ... surely the world is full of pitfalls for the bf and non-bf parent alike at 18 months!

Lol tribpot,
Good comebacks, may use them next time she brings it up!

you know, it might be worthwhile.

Your 'friends' sound about as senstive as a wellington boot.

By focusing on the very limited experience of your circle, you might feel your problems/reactions/feelings/decisions are more unusual than they are - iyswim. Just browse on here for the trauma people suffer from difficult births. Your chums sound a bit oblivious. The bfc may help you accept that it is not your fault.

your friend was insensitive and thoughtless. but until i saw how awfully raw and painful this can be from reading stuff on mn i was very capable of saying such stupid things myself.

why not talk to the bfc, you can always call it off if not doing any good and it might make you feel much better.

Jofeb04 - Why not go just to see, it might be nice to have a chat about it

With regards to your friend who said its easy, I think the statistics show that most mums dont find it that easy actually. I certainly didnt. I have friends that didnt bf and I dont judge them, try not to get upset about it. There are so many other ways to care for and nurture your children

HTH

NCT breastfeeding counsellors are trained and experienced in supporting mothers with their feelings around breastfeeding/not having breastfed, but I don't think any of us would feel this would be appropriate in a group setting, and certainly not in an LLL group, which will be full of women breastfeeding.

Jofe - I suggest you talk to the bfc on the phone first and explore what is likely to happen.

I hope it helps.

I don't think it's all that unusual for friends to ask about your feeding experiences - that's the sort of things mothers swap experiences about, I would say! Personally, I never ask anyone about their feeding, but that's because I know it can be a sensitive area. People who aren't aware of this might just do it to make conversation