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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

so this extended breastfeeding thing...when do you actually give up?

33 replies

ruty · 03/04/2007 17:37

Ds is two and a half. Devoted to the 'boob'. I mean he only breastfeeds once in morning and once at night [and maybe a five minute one before an afternoon nap] but any attempts to wean him off it have been met with absolute horror on his part, anger and sobs. So I'm carrying on. Left breast very sore at mo, so have an ultrasound next week. But i am happy [sort of] to continue, but do they actually give up on their own at some point? I don't know how i feel about carrying on past 3, if only because i am on a gluten free dairy free diet because he is gluten free dairy free, and when friends ask why i am on it too, i sometimes tell them i am still breastfeeding, which gets met with shock, or silence, or horror. it really is awkward with my friends, which is ridiculous, but unfortunately true. If anyone can share their stories of when their toddlers gave up and how i would be grateful.

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terramum · 03/04/2007 17:44

DS (my first & only child so far) is 2yrs 8 months & still loves his booby milk...morning & bedtime feeds as well as few in between, especially if Ive been away from him for a while....so I have no experience of weaning myself...but the LLL books "Mothering a Nursing Toddler" and "How Weaning Happens" are both very good & worth reading imo.

Original poster
ruty · 03/04/2007 22:02

i'll try LLL and look for those books. thanks. are you planning on going on indefinitely?

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DaisyMOO · 03/04/2007 22:05

Not sure. DD is 4 next month and I thought she'd finished until she jumped into bed with me on Sunday morning and asked for some milk 'to start the day off'

Pannacotta · 03/04/2007 22:09

My DS self weaned at just over 2, mainly I think because my milk changed due to pregnancy and I think it put him off, otherwise have a feeling he would still want his morning and night time feeds...
I also found LLL info useful.
I didnt really talk to my friends about feeding him still (unless they asked) as people do judge but it is really none of their business and nothing to feel awkward about.

FrannyandZooey · 03/04/2007 22:14

Ds just gave up recently. He is 4 next week. He was only having a couple of minutes at night time and I think perhaps the milk had all gone anyway

he said "I am too old now"

I am still fairly sad about it tbh

enjoy it while you can

MrsApron · 03/04/2007 22:16

dd1 is 2.11 and on a brief morning one only. I veer widly from thinking time to stop and thinking if it is so important to her we should carry on. Most feeds dropped off by themselves the evening one took a bit of work(but no upset). The nap one stopped when she stopped napping.

So no help at all then . Tbh if she was an only child I think she would have quit by now but dd2 is 7months and dd1 picked up upteen feeds she had dropped previously for a while when she was born.

terramum · 03/04/2007 22:28

Ruty...yes although we are TTCing atm so not sure what effect that will have on his feeding when (she says trying to sound positive ) I get pg....would like to carry on for as long as he needs it really....however long that may be.

Original poster
ruty · 04/04/2007 14:11

it is interesting isn't it, we are thinking about having another one [only at thinking stage so far but i better hurry up not exactly a teenager ] and sometimes i think it would be nice for ds to continue while i am pregnant and when/if another one comes, other times feel as if it is just too much to cope with. Think it is wonderful FZ and DaisyMoo that you went/go on till 4. i just wonder how ds will categorize it in his head at that age, as we don't know anyone else who breastfeeds into toddlerhood, i don't want him to feel strange about it. I will contact the LLL. One friend told me the only reason he is still breastfeeding is because I still want him to, I don't want him to grow up. thanks alot. Will he get teased at school or nursery about it, or will he understand it is something private just between me and him? Oh yes, and another friend told me about a boy [in a novel] who was breastfed till 9 and got teased about it in school and so became a serial killer. Great support.

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OrmIrian · 04/04/2007 14:20

With DS#1 - because at 17 months I just felt that enough was enough, we were thinking about no#2 and he was at that point happy with a bottle.
With DD at 3 yrs same as above but not thinking about no#3 although he happened anyway.
With DS#2 we're still going at 4yrs 2 months but only at bedtime. If he asks at any other time I say no. We have arguments over it but I am not giving in!! Don't want to be bfing a schoolboy.....

Pannacotta · 04/04/2007 15:44

Ruty, one thing I would say is that when you bfeed for longer than a year or two it is easy to feel like you are the only one doing so - I felt like this too - but remember there are people out there doing the same, it's just that most people don't shout about it or feed in public as extended bfeeding it is not too well accepted in UK.
When you look on mumsnet you realise its not that unusual at all and am sure most bfed toddlers are happy, healthy and secure, not potential serial killers!!

Swizzler · 04/04/2007 15:48

Ruty at your friends' comments - and why is it any of their business? FWIW, DS is only 6 months and I'm already getting the odd comment of whether I've stopped bfing, when I'm going to stop etc. Annoys the hell out of me, esp as it happens as the whole bf thing gets much easier!

rowan1971 · 04/04/2007 15:51

There are lots of us out here, Ruty. My DS2 is still going at 2.2, and feeding a lot more often than yours. I'm getting 'em out in cafes, parks, toddler groups - all over the shop - and no-one's dared say anything to me yet, tho' I'm sure plenty of people have wanted to (I look quite fierce). I think you should ask your friends whether they'd be happy for you to freely criticise their parenting methods!

fishie · 04/04/2007 15:51

its insidious though. i have started to feel rather furtive about hte whole thing even though ds isn't quite 2 yet. isn't that sad.

CocoLoco · 04/04/2007 15:59

My DD (3 yrs 8 mths) is determined not to give up yet - she came up to me recently and covered my eyes, saying "don't look", while she lifted my top with the other hand! Actually, she doesn't bf often during the day now, but still does to get off to sleep at night. I'm sure she'll stop sooner or later. I don't think I've fed her in public for a year or so though.

rowan1971 · 04/04/2007 16:00

I know what you mean, fishie. My response is to be brazen about it, but if anyone actually said anything to me, I'd probably burst into tears. I'm sure there are people who think it's sexual exhibitionism!

Maybe we should have a mass toddler breastfeed in the middle of, say, a soft-play centre...

Pannacotta · 04/04/2007 16:38

I would have loved to be brazen about it and feed DS out and about until he stopped but I never quite managed it and was always a bit cautious in public after he turned 1. Perhaps I will be braver this time round, I hope so...
I always felt blazing mad when people asked me when I was going to stop but never really worked out the best response.
It is odd how people think it is ok to ask you about giving up, I never questioned anyone giving their baby formula even though its not sth I would do out of choice.
The more women who bfeed for longer, the more acceptable it will become, so we really should unite!

Berrie · 04/04/2007 16:59

My mother asked me yesterday what my 'plans' were for continuing breastfeeding my dd, now 18 months as I surely wasn't going to be doing it until she was '4 for example'.
I don't have any plans but have no reason to stop! I was wondering about this myself.
When I was pregnant the second time, I couldn't bear the sensation of breastfeeding and had to stop so this is nice really.
The only thing that troubles me is being unable to take medicines for hayfever, bad colds and chronic pain (I am incapaciteted with back pain at the moment)Perhaps that was why my mother asked

BonyM · 04/04/2007 17:25

DD2 has just turned 2 and is still breastfeeding. Tbh, part of me sometimes wishes she would give up, but I have no desire to force the decision on her and most of the time it's just morning and before bed at night which is fine.

She has started saying "have milky, feel better" every time she has a bump or scrape or something upsets her, which again I don't mind if it's serious or we're at home, but try and disuade her if we're out or it 's something minor. I did breastfeed her at softplay the other week though when she fell and bumped her head.

Notquitegrownup · 04/04/2007 17:40

Hi

I weaned ds1 when he was 3 - just after his birthday - as I was pg and my boobs were getting v. sore. He didn't mind. He chose a "big boy present" and happily stopped.

DS2 had no intention of stopping for a bribe at all. He loves his "mummy milk". However, I was finding it v. tiring - and there are more and more calls on my energy these days. We had several false starts, starting when he was 3.2, where I thought we'd stopped and then somehow . . . .. He wasn't keen on giving up at all, and I wasn't going to force him when he was ill or tired, or just looking at me with those big brown eyes - but with lots of distractions eventually I found that one day, we'd stopped.

I knew no-one else who had been extended feeding, and had no support other than MN and LLL. I had lots of discouragement from friends and family. I feel sadder now about that than I did at the time, and really really happy that we kept going until it was right for us to stop.

Best of luck to you both.

Jacanne · 04/04/2007 17:53

I'm still going at 2.2 years - we got to just before her 2nd birthday when I intended to stop but I decided (as we were having our lovely, cuddly early morning feed) that it wasn't anything to do with anyone else so we would carry on until one of us wanted to stop. Despite this I do feel self-conscious feeding her out and about and there are places I would never do it - in general I try and put her off til we get home. I can sense some people's disapproval (including my Mum I'm afraid to say)but so far am pretending that I haven't noticed it.

As they get older and communication improves, I think it's easier to talk them round when you're ready - a couple of people I know have found it so much easier to wean at 3/4 then they thought it would be.

Original poster
ruty · 04/04/2007 17:55

thanks for all the lovely responses. You're right Pannacotta, it is easy to think i am the only one doing it, i really think i am the only one round here! There are some people i would never tell, i just know what they would think, and others who are just so awkward about it when it comes up [because of the diet thing] that they don't know how to respond. LOL Cocoloco about your sweet dd putting her hands over your eyes!` and agree rowan1971, a mass public toddler feed would be great! It is helpful to know there are other mothers out there doing it, i still don't know how we'll wean eventually, but hopefully it won't be tto painful for either of us.

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Original poster
ruty · 04/04/2007 17:56

yes i hope so Jacanne. [can imagine the 'but why?'s though!

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FrannyandZooey · 04/04/2007 17:57

Ruty I think part of ds's decision to wean was that he realised / suspected that other children were not breastfeeding any more. I think until fairly recently he just assumed that most people were having it in private, as he was

He hasn't really mentioned it to anyone else for a while yet and had clearly picked up on the fact that it was private. When he was 2 or young 3 he would happily mention it to people - but they mostly didn't understand (probably because they were not expecting him to still be bf) or maybe they just feigned ignorance!

Jacanne · 04/04/2007 18:04

There's me trying to be discreet about it all and then there's my 4 year old who happily announces to all the FF Mums at toddler group that "my sister Izzy doesn't have milk from a bottle - she has it from my Mummy's boobs!" - and bless her, she doesn't have a quiet voice

Original poster
ruty · 04/04/2007 18:17

that's interesting FZ. I hope that my ds is as aware as yours! He already knows instinctively that it is a private thing for home, though if he is really tired he will ask for it when we have guests, but that's ok.
LOL Jacanne, nice to be so relaxed about it!

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