Feeling so upset about breast feeding difficulties.

[Writerwannabe83]

I'm just here to vent I think.

I'm feeling so disheartened with breast feeding at the moment and I'm tired of getting tearful about it.

DS had a tongue tie division when he was 9 days old. Prior to this every feed had been agony, my nipples were shredded and they bled at every feed. I dreaded every time I had to feed him and I would cry through most feeds, it was unbearable. We tried nipple shields but it made no difference and if anything the pain was worse.

When DS was 8 days of age I had a BF Peer Supporter come to the house for advice and she suggested DS may be tongue tied so the following day I had him seen by a Lactation Consultant who found a posterior tongue tie which was preventing any tongue movement and she snipped it there and then.

She told me it would take about two weeks before feeding fully improved but there was a noticeable difference straight away and I enjoyed feeding again.

Tomorrow it will be two weeks since he had it done and over the last 48 hours things have been going downhill again. DS is struggling to maintain his latch, I have cracks in my nipples again and feeds are starting to become painful. The lady who did the snip had warned me that sometimes the tongue tie can reoccur and I'm worried that's what has happened.

I've been in tears over it this morning because I'm worried our breast feeding journey is coming to an end and I really, really don't want that.

I breast fed my other son for 2.5 years so the fact I may be forced to give it up now after only 3 weeks breaks my heart. I feel like a failure and that I'd be letting my son down if I stopped but I can't go through all that pain again.

I just feel so sad and tearful. I had just assumed that BF would come naturally again because it was so successful with DS1 so to be having these problems is new territory to me and I'm so upset I'm not going to be able to give my baby the same best start I gave DS1.

I just feel so shitty about it all. My family are so anti breast feeding and I know that if I stop they'll all be gloating and telling me "I told you so" and I just can't face it.

Sorry to go on and I doubt I seem rational but I just needed to get it all off my chest.

Can you get his tongue tie checked again? I don't know if you've thought about expressing but that might buy you some time to heal.

I had really bad pain during feeding initially and can empathise at not wanting to give up. My issue was a problem with latch / technique, but it took a couple of weeks after resolving it for the pain to totally go away - it was so much better during the initial latch (no more crying) but still sore as I still needed to heal the cracks and chafed bits.

Have you contacted anyone today to get some support?

Did the lactation consultant show you the exercises to do with your DS's tongue after his tongue tie was cut? They can help to prevent it reattaching.

I know how it feels and you're doing so well to have got this far! Unless you've fed a baby with posterior tongue tie you can't know how painful it is, so you should be very proud of keeping going.

Definitely see the consultant again if you can.

I completely understand how you are feeling, it is such an emotional experience trying to breastfeed a tongue tie baby. I was exhausted, anxious, hormones rampaging and my mental resilience was on its knees. You are doing amazingly.

I would second the advice to see the lactation consultant again. It may be that it has reattached. If not, they will be able to look at any other factors.

If you decide to express, I can recommend hiring a hospital grade pump from medela. It's really easy online and they offer next day delivery. Will help maintain your supply and let nipples heal while you decide what to do next.

I'm so sorry your family are unsupportive. I hope you have good real life friends to call upon. If not, we are all here to listen. I found it helpful to know there were people who understood what I was experiencing and why "just give them a bottle" isn't always the advice you want to hear. (although if you do choose that route, it's absolutely understable and DD1 thrived on formula when we eventually went with it. Didn't stop me from beating myself up about it though)

Have the tongue tie checked again. Dd1 had to have 3 tt snips until she could feed without causing me pain we then fed till she weaned at 15 months.

Second cut was due to tie not being fully severed the first time. Third time was due to reattachment.

Thanks everyone for your response.

I spoke to the Lactation Consultant this morning who thinks it is very unlikely that the tongue tie has returned as only my left nipple is damaged and she said if he was struggling due to a tie then both nipples would be damaged.

She gave me some tips on how to improve his latch on the left side and has said that if there's no improvement over the weekend then to contact her again on Monday and she will come out and review DS.

She told me to try the rugby hold position which I genuinely think will help but I've never been able to master it. I've tried numerous times this morning but me and DS just ended up in tears with frustration.

DS is being visited by the BF Worker in my HV team next week so I'm going to see if she can help me do the rugby hold because I just can't do it

Another good position to try if you feel you are struggling with the rugby hold is the biological nurturing/laid back position.

When you gave birth in amongst the paperwork/leaflets you were given you should have a Mothers guide which looks a little like a magazine. It has some good info about different breastfeeding positions with pictures, and info on good latches. Definitely worth a read!

I hope it gets easier for you soon!!

How's your supply? Have you considered feeding on just one side?

I a period with ds2 where I was only feeding on the left side as the right side was completely blocked by infection (I ended up back in hospital) and I couldn't even express. I had a very responsive supply so he still got plenty.

The infection was cause by shredded nipples and I did get back to feeding on both sides eventually, but some people do happily just feed on one side permanently.

If he was feeding ok and it had stopped hurting, is it possible you've both got thrush? That can make it painful for both of you. I never mastered the rugby hold either! I wonder if it's something people actually manage in real life!

Oh bless you, it's so hard when it's painful.

My DD was massively tongue tied and it mostly affected me on just one side, so I don't think the LC's advice is quite right actually. One boob was sore but ok, the other felt like I was sticking it in the car cigarette lighter. Only someone who's experienced it knows the pain!

Obviously improving the latch will help but TT means you end up with some damage that is hard to fix when you're feeding every couple of hours. Can you contact the person who did your TT snip and ask her to take a look to rule out reattachment?

Otherwise, expressing on that side can give you some respite. If the sore boob is very full, try hand expressing a little bit away, until the nipple is flexible again, and only then offer a feed - it's hard for a small baby to get a good latch when your boob is like a balloon. Then it's a case of trying different positions that put his chin at different points around the clock face each time, if you see what I mean. Don't think about it as mastering complicated BFing holds, you can get psyched out by the idea they are somehow advanced skills. It's just pointing the baby's feet in a different direction until you find one that works. Have pillows to hand so you can improvise ways to prop him up while he feeds at weird angles.

One that worked for me was lying on my side, with DD on the bed on her side too. It was quite a relaxed position so helped me calm down and reposition her if the latch wasn't right. Also lots of tickling her on the nose with the nipple, so she'd open her mouth really wide before latching.

Good luck, you've obviously been really strong but everyone feels down some days. You're doing great you know.

I would keep trying with different positions. The rugby hold is a good one to give your nipples a break but anything that varies the latch will do. Biological nurturing is a good one.

What issues are you having with the rugby hold? Are you big or small boobed? It can but trickier with bigger boobs. Feeding lying down is often a good one. Doing a breast sandwich might help the latch too. Hold him really close to you if he's slipping off, often it's just a time thing with TT and then getting a bit bigger and effects feeding less.

http://feedthebabyllc.com/latch-and-positioning/

I've had two babies with TT and it's taken a good few weeks to get breastfeeding going but it does settle down. I also fed my first for 2.5 years and felt really stressed with the struggles with DC2 but we got there 4/5 weeks in

Oh and seek help always with breastfeeding. The more support the better. I agree the advice sounds inaccurate re: effecting one side only.

OP I am so sorry ur feeling like this. I can see you want to try your best to get through this. But I wanted to share my experience to help you not feel so scared of the alternative.

I could have written your post myself, all the feelings you describe, all the guilt and anxiety over not being able to feed your second baby like your first, and having assumed it would be fine. I went through al this too. Breastfed my first baby for a long time after quite a few problems early on, and really never considered not being able to with my second. I thought after DC1 I would be able to work through anything! I was so heartbroken to find myself with such problems with DC2. Unfortunately our tongue tie wasn't picked up till much later, I was convinced of it and it was infact missed by around 8 HCP's and a private lactation consultant. I could not work through the problems we were experiencing because of this, cracked nipples, thrush, mastitis, extreme pain and lots and lots of tears (while being told there was no apparent cause!) and I very reluctantly gave up breastfeeding at 3 weeks. My DD's symptoms continued on the bottle (clicking, colic, reflux) and I finally had a posterior tongue tie confirmed when she was 9 weeks old.

Anyway. I just wanted to reassure you that I understand exactly how you are feeling. And I fully support your determination to work through this. The grief I have felt over giving up (which I feel was not through choice), has been immense and I have cried an awful lot over it and felt a huge amount of guilt.

But as time has gone on, I'm beginning to feel better. The anguish and tears and pain at every feed have gone. Our family is under much less pressure and we are beginning to enjoy our time together and feel a lot more relaxed. We ultimately feel that giving up was the right decision for us as a family. If DD was my only child I think perhaps I could have persevered and worked through them. But I have DS to consider now too. And I simply did not have the time to invest in it. I'm trying to make peace with it. It is hard, I admit. I will always feel sad about it I think. But it's also not as terrible as I felt in those early days when I was so unhappy to even consider it. It's actually ok, and DD is happy and thriving and we are moving on. So please, please don't feel you will be a failure for giving up and that formula feeding is such an awful outcome for you. I know how you feel, I understand I really do. I wish I could have breastfed my DD. But now I'm a few weeks down the line, on the other side, I can assure you if it comes to it you and your baby will be fine.

I wish you all the best and hope you can get through this. I'm truly rooting for you! But please don't think the alternative is as terrible as it feels right now. X

(And yes, agree with PP's, only one side was very badly affected!)

Thanks everyone.

He's also got a blister on his top lip, right in the centre, which the LC also said was a sign of TT and despite the snip he continued to have the blister. I think sometimes it must be sore for DS to feed.

Over the last 24 hours I've noticed him clicking with his feeds whereas he didn't do that before he even had the TT division.

It's just all so stressful.

With my first son I also had problems with a cracked nipple and painful feeding in only my left so part of me does wonder whether the damage is because I'm just not good at attaching a baby to my left breast.

I've asked my DH to go and get me some Medela nipple shields because I think I need to let my nipple heal. At one point it was so painful to feed on the left side that I didn't for 24 hours and instead just pumped and I got 3-4oz off in about 15 minutes. DS's weight gain has been really good since birth (he never lost any weight following birth) so I don't have worries about my supply.

I just wish there there was a quick and easy solution

Just wanted to recommend medela breast shells as well, as they keep your bra and clothes off the nipple in between feeds. Sorry I don't have any advice, my problems were caused by my nipples being just a little small/flat, the shells helped the cracks heal and once they were healed we had no more problems (my nipples are a good few mm longer now though...)

How are things today op?

Things seem a little brighter this morning. For the last two days he's been really fussing with his feeds but yesterday afternoon, evening and overnight he fed much better and for longer periods. He also had a big dirty nappy this morning that reassured me that he's getting enough milk.

My nipples feel a bit sensitive and tingly but I think that's more down to let down than pain from feeding. As soon as I hear DS cry my nipples feel like they tighten and have electricity racing through them.

I was using the biological nursing position yesterday and I do think that's helped.

I think I need to accept that the TT snip isn't going to lead to perfect feeding and make my peace with that. From doing a lot of online reading it seems very common for babies to continue to have minor issues despite their divisions so maybe I'm expecting too much too soon.

Writer it's a real shame things are still so difficult - but they should gradually get better. Honestly in some situations the only thing that seems to work is TIME.

Thanks Tiktok, he has continued to feed well today and I haven't really had any pain. He's still choking and spluttering when he feeds and I can still hear the clicking but at least I'm actually managing to feed him now without crying.

My DH bought some Medela shields earlier to give my left nipple a chance to heal but I'm a bit reluctant to use them now in case they somehow cause more problems.

It's the unpredictability I find stressful, I can have a day of good feeds and feel positive and then the next day his feeds could be a nightmare again. I'm trying to take it day by day and know that I'm trying my hardest.

I really had forgotten how difficult and emotional it can be to establish breast feeding.

Not sure if this is the problem but when my dd was clicking and spluttering it was because my letdown was too quick for her. So I either let down the first bit into a cloth or block fed her from one breast at a time and this seemed to sort it. Not sure if this is what's happening with your lo (I'm only 15w in so definitely not an expert!) but might be worth googling forceful letdown to see if that's the problem and if it is I found things settled down and my lo copes with it fine now she's older x

I definitely think I have a fast letdown on my right side! I once hand expressed on that side and milk was just shooting out of me with each squeeze. Within about 5 minutes I had absolutely saturated the muslin I was expressing into. Following me doing that my DS fed much better on that side. My letdown is quick on the left too but nowhere near as bad as the right side.

Feeding has been miles better today, he's attaching really well, taking much bigger mouthfuls of breast and I haven't had any pain at all, it's been amazing!!

I know the feeling! My milk was out of control for a wee while - would regularly spray everywhere! Glad it's going well today!