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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Struggling with breastfeeding

18 replies

Jellybean2017 · 02/09/2017 14:43

Struggling with breastfeeding my 4 week old DS, absolutely knackered and feeling very down. He wants to feed all night most nights and I'm not coping. Is it worth introducing a couple of formula feeds or will this cause more problems?

OP posts:

tiktok · 02/09/2017 16:19

Think you have posted twice, OP:)

Can you give more details? Weight, birth, daytime behaviour, what sort of help you have in the day and the night?

Original poster

Jellybean2017 · 02/09/2017 17:16

Oops!

Thanks for replying. He is 4 weeks, seems to be gaining weight and generally settled in the day. Feeding every couple of hours but doesn't stay on long before falling asleep, often only five minutes. Had a few nights of cluster feeding (I think - although not sure) where I have had no sleep and it's really starting to affect my mood. My husband is brilliant and I nap whenever I can but it's hard during the week. I have been really tearful the last few days, I don't feel myself and not sure if it's normal feelings due to exhaustion or if I might have PND. I don't want to go out and generally spend most my time in bed either attempting to sleep or feeding baby. Husband is encouraging in terms of trying to get me out of the house for a walk but I'm just so tired. I don't want to see people in general, would rather stay home.

I know my baby is only little and needs me but I don't know how long I can keep on with the level of exhaustion. I know breastfeeding is best for my baby and feel very guilty considering giving it up as my supply seems to be good. Latch is not always perfect though so have had some pain. Nappy output good. It's so difficult to know what to do for the best :(

OP posts:

tiktok · 02/09/2017 22:35

Sounds hard and yes, exhausting.

If you google or search on here for the term reverse cycling you can find ideas on how to 'switch' your baby so more of the feeding is done in the day. It's not something you can fix in a day though so in the meantime you do need help, support and rest.

Your Hv should be able to help you work out if you are actually depressed or going through a normal stage of tiredness and adjustment. It may be that meeting other new mothers will help - getting out the house is a good idea and just sharing experiences with others is helpful. Are there groups near you?

Honestly this does not sound like a feeding problem of any sort, and introducing formula could undermine your breastfeeding without resolving the tiredness and pressure. Talk it over with the Hv first or call any of the BF helplines.

Hope you get some real life help soon.

DavidAdams · 03/09/2017 21:14

Hi,

Firstly, yes I am a man! I'm also a father of two exclusively breastfed children and my wife works for the Breastfeeding Network.

With our first we had exactly the same issue, he was up all night and simply wouldn't settle. This wasn't helped by an undiagnosed tongue tie, the poor boy literally couldn't feed even though he was trying to. This caused a lot of pain for my wife and a lot of distress. It's worth checking the tongue tie although this sounds like a different situation.

We tried 'topping' up our son with a formula feed at night as we were told it would be heavier and would fill him up for longer. This didn't work at all to be honest. I guess what I'm trying to get across is that you're not alone and breastfeeding really is hard and lonely. My wife managed to stick at it with a lot of support and was so glad that she did.

I'd highly recommend BfN, they're a charitable organisation and they have a dedicated helpline, their website is www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk

I suffer from anxiety and depression and have a blog about this. My last two articles have been about mental health & breastfeeding and Drugs in Breastmilk. These may be of some interest to you. My blog is at www.businesswellbeing.co.uk

If you don't want to look at the blog that's fine but please do look up BfN.

Good luck and keep going, you're doing great!

Cuppaqueen · 04/09/2017 00:56

Hey Op, sounds tough 😕 The thing that really worked for me in the early weeks was a persistent focus on getting full feeds in the daytime. So I would do virtually anything to get more milk into DS - take off layers of clothing before the feed (the warmer they are, the easier to doze off again), stroke cheek, tickle feet, run my finger up his spine - tip from the midwives, he'd twitch and start sucking again! etc. Aiming for min 30 mins feeding. Then take him off boob, burp well, and keep him off boob eg on lap, shoulder, DH arms, for at least two hours before offering another feed, and same again. The more he drank at each feed, the fewer times a day he was at my breast and the less he woke in the night. Saved my sanity and my nipples!

Good luck

tiktok · 04/09/2017 14:06

David, I'd love to read your blog....but your link is not working.

Yes, I agree that help from BfN would be good idea😀

OP - how are things now?

Orangebird69 · 04/09/2017 14:09

Sounds totally normal OP . Do you cosleep? Or feed laying down at all?

IStoleThisUsername · 04/09/2017 14:16

My ds is now 11 weeks and was the same, but unfortunately wasn't gaining weight so I was advised to top him up with formula. It took a few weeks but he is now thriving (and sleeping 10-6!)

I felt like a huge failure at the start, not helped by comments from my sister ("well I kept my baby alive with just my boobs, you're obviously doing something wrong") but I can now see that this is what's best for my baby and my sanity.
He still had boob feeds, I aim for 50/50 but he probably has more formula than breastmilk although it doesn't seem to have changed my supply.

DavidAdams · 04/09/2017 16:36

Sorry! it's www.businesswellbeings.uk not co.uk (I couldn't afford the domain .co.uk. just .uk is cheaper!!)

user1493413286 · 04/09/2017 16:47

You're at a really tough point although I promise you it will get better.
It really depends if you want to introduce a bottle; it would give you a break but would also reduce your supply by a feed a day at a time. Don't feel guilty whatever you do.
I exclusively breastfed until 7 weeks then introduced a bottle of formula in the evening so that I could go to bed early and my partner do a feed. It was the best thing for me and my baby but was a personal decision and I refused to feel guilty for it.
During the night I used to feed then if she fell asleep before taking a full 15-20 minute feed I'd change her nappy which would wake her up and she'd feed more and go a bit longer before the next feed.
I was also advised to wake her more often in the day for feeds so that she would feed less at night as at one point she'd go 3 hours in the day but 2 hours at night. It made for a couple of hard days but it was worth it.
Make sure you're eating well and drinking lots.

Original poster

Jellybean2017 · 04/09/2017 17:19

Thanks for all the replies so far.

We are still persevering at the moment. Will be going to a support group tomorrow and there will be a lactation consultant there to check my latch. I had a go at feeding lying down night before last and did Co sleep. But I don't really want to do this every night. I had another go last night and if wasn't so successful.

I had a go at expressing yesterday and managed to get 3Oz. So I may continue expressing once a day just to build up a stock so my husband can help from time to time. I guess expressing any more than that will have a detrimental impact on supply?

Today has been tough, lots of tears but my parents came to support me. Still feeling quite down, contacted health visitor but did not hear back. I'm still concerned baby is not getting enough milk due to the amount of time he is spending feeding - three hours on and off this morning.

David, thanks for the link to your blog I will have a read 😊

OP posts:

Orangebird69 · 04/09/2017 17:23

OP, it felt like my son was surgically attached to my boobs for the first year - and not much different now at 22mo 😣. You really are doing well. Have you had ds weighed? Is he following his centile?

Moregilmoregirls · 04/09/2017 17:29

Glad you are going to a support group it can be so hard and they should help. I had tongue tie issues with both mine and they were feeding all night but not getting enough milk, I did end up having to top up with formula due to babies not gaining enough weight. Do get tongue tie and weight checked tomorrow. Good luck it can be exhausting but it should get better as baby gets older.

Original poster

Jellybean2017 · 05/09/2017 18:19

Baby has confirmed tongue tie. We are booked in to have it released on Friday, so hoping this will help!!

OP posts:

sycamore54321 · 05/09/2017 19:04

OP I'm not directly answering your question but you mention not leaving the house and staying in bed cluster feeding etc. In the first six weeks after birth, you are at greatly increased risk of developing blood clots in your legs (same as if on a long-haul flight) so while I know it is so challenging with a needy newborn, please prioritise getting up and being mobile every couple of hours and make sure you aren't constantly seated or lying. Sorry if this feels like added pressure at an already busy time but cluster feeding led me to develop a blood clot at three weeks post birth and it was a two-year recovery process with life-long consequences. So please bear the clot risk in mind and move about regularly and don't sit in cramped positions.

Hope the feeding resolved quickly for you. Congratulations and best of luck.

Need20yearsofsleep · 05/09/2017 19:23

Can you express some milk for your husband to give him so you can try and get a few straight hours of sleep. We tried this but unfortunately my husband couldn't do his nappy cos he's a wuss so I had to get up anyway. Also try and go out for a walk during the day some fresh air helps them sleep and refreshes you a bit. My ds has fed on demand. I got told in the hospital to tickle his feet and do skin to skin or nappy change to get him to feed for longer that could help too as the fattier milk is at the end of the feed I think sometimes they fall asleep before they get to the hind milk. Or try expressing some before he feeds as that can help him get to the hind milk sooner. Hope he starts sleeping better of a night for you soon

DavidAdams · 05/09/2017 20:29

I'm so pleased you got this diagnosed, the difference will be amazing once it's been snipped. Baby will have a little blister for a few days after but it's nothing to worry about and our son fed straight away in the waiting room after having it done

northdownmummy · 05/09/2017 21:15

Good to hear you got the tongue tie diagnosed. That should make a big difference.

My eldest was a very sleepy feeder at night. What worked for us was to make sure she was properly awake before starting a feed. This required either stripping down to vest, or often a nappy change. She'd then feed for a good 40mins rather than 5.

Another thing that helped me when they were very small was breast compressions while feeding. Babies tend to snooze when the milk stops flowing after letdown, breast compressions can help them keep going which will in turn stimulate your boobs to produce more milk, then they get more and feed longer....boosting supply and so on

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