Feeling really guilty for wanting to give up breastfeeding second baby

[Kerala2712]

I breastfed Dd1 for 18 months, and had two miscarriages in that time. I fell pregnant the month after stopping feeding her and had a horrid pregnancy- hyperemesis, pgp, depressed/anxious, moved house twice once 4 weeks before then 6 weeks after c section. DD2 didn't latch for three weeks, but we expressed and bottle fed and then she got the hang of it. She feeds fine, puts on weight, its easy by comparison to first. I'm struggling with pnd, anxiety, feeling really low and exhausted. I am struggling to bond with DD2, and resent breastfeeding now. I feel terribly guilty about it, but just want to stop. I am feeling better after 6 weeks on sertraline, sleeping better and able to do more, the intrusive scary thoughts/worries are settling, but I still think I want to stop. She's 17 weeks old and fine. I am worried that i will feel even more detached if I don't breastfeed her now, and I might regret stopping if i feel better in a few months, but I'm soooo tired and weary, i just want to feel normal again (rather than sweaty/smelly/achy/tired/hormonal). I've not had my body to myself since June 2014 what with two pregnancies and breastfeeding! I know in my head she'll be fine, i just need some positivity. And group hugs please.

Should probably say DH 'will support whatever i decide' which isnice, but unhelpful

You have fed your child for 17wks, that's a great thing, try and be proud of that. If your think stopping breastfeeding will help you feel better, it will be better for all of you. Happy mum, happy family. I stopped at 6 months with my youngest dd, the others got me for longer, but I did what I felt I needed. my mental health definitely improved when I stopped, I felt much more in control of everything. Good luck with your decision

You have done brilliantly to get this far at BF. If you want to stop now then do that. You need to be a happy mummy In order to enjoy the moments that will just become memories. Think positive of how far you have come and be proud of yourself. Maybe you will bond when baby's a bit older. I didn't bond with my 1st until she was about 8\9 months...and my 2nd it happened straight away even tho my pregnancy wasn't thst great. 😄

You have a lot on your plate. Please put your mental health first, for your sake but also for the sake of your family. It makes absolute sense all round.
You hear a lot about women regretting not breastfeeding. But there is the opposite too. I have to say, when I was at my lowest with PND, it was absolutely what I should have done (given myself a break), but I soldiered on stupidly.
Remember that you look after your baby and your family in millions of ways and feeding is just one of them.
You asked for a hug- here you go