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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Undermining comments about breastfeeding

75 replies

frogs · 12/07/2004 12:42

Following on from other people's rants, I thought it would be good to assemble a collection of daft and undermining comments people make about breastfeeding -- particularly friends and family who supposedly have our 'best interests' at heart.

I'll kick off with one from my mum, who really doesn't mean to undermine, bless her, but can't help herself.

This one was made having just watched dd2 (6 months) eat a grand total of three rice krispies at breakfasttime: "I would have thought you'd only be breastfeeding morning and evening by now." What's the poor baby supposed to be living on, FFS, fresh air?

And then there are the golden oldies: "Isn't she on solids yet?"; "Are you still breastfeeding?" and "She looks hungry to me, perhaps you should give her a bottle."

More of the same, please, for our rogues gallery, so we can all remind ourselves what nonsense they are.

OP posts:

Tigerlillies · 17/07/2004 02:53

Oh where do I start...

"You are naughty you are!" My gran commenting on bf, co-sleeping, babywearing.
"Don't eat cream cakes you don't want a fat baby" a 40 yr old woman who had bf two children with the belief that what you eat goes straight to the baby!
"You are disgusting! I'm trying to eat my meal here. Gross." a childless, young female in a restaurant shouting at a lady discreetly bf her newborn.
"Refuse the breast during the day and give him cows milk" a HV at my babies 8 month check.

Tigerlillies · 17/07/2004 02:55

This site has some good replies to these comments!

SofiaAmes · 17/07/2004 03:07

The only derogatory comment I ever got about bfing was from Brian off Big Brother when he was still a flight attendant on RyanAir. He made rude comments about my breasts and breastfeeding. I complained to RyanAir and they said I'd made the whole thing up. And go figure, he's now doing children's tv. I wouldn't let my kids watch anything he's on.

ScummyMummy · 17/07/2004 03:13

Wow! Claim to fame, Sofia!

Ghosty · 17/07/2004 06:02

Love and hate these
My friend gave birth to a 9lb baby and was told by a midwife on the first night in the hospital that she would never be able to breastfeed such a big baby on her own and she would have to supplement with formula ... no surprise that by 3 weeks baby was fully formula fed
3 months later I had a fight with a midwife in the same hospital when she insisted that my 10lb 10oz baby needed formula ... I won
My MIL is in total awe of me that I am still breastfeeding my ancient baby of 5 months ... she has never ever commented on my mothering skills before (my DS is 4 and a half years old) but a couple of weeks ago she told me she thought that I was a really good mother for breastfeeding for so long.
I love breastfeeding but it certainly doesn't make me a better mother than anyone who bottlefeeds surely FFS???

hazlinh · 17/07/2004 07:55

strangely enuf, I've never been told off for b/f my baby.I think generally, ppl in Malaysia are convinced abt its benefits. Plus its becoming 'trendy' here.Ppl keep ordering me to bf dd even when in public but I get so paranoid doing it and I hate doing it that I try to scuttle off to some quiet corner, failing which I'd rather head to the car to do it, trying to pacify dd while she bawls in hunger.I can hear the chorus..'BAD MUMMY'. Have been told off by the grandmother-in-law, my own mum etc etc. I'm so shy about whipping out my boobs in public esp in this conservative society.bt b/f has definitely gained in popularity here compared to the 60s and 70s when mums were all told that formula was the best thing for babies.my own hosp was great, designated 'baby-friendly' and dd suckled immediately after birth, and co-slept with me too.my worst enemy is MYSELF!! siigh

bloss · 17/07/2004 08:46

Message withdrawn

geekgrrl · 17/07/2004 09:55

a GP (when I went for my 1st antenatal appointment, dd1 was 13 months old and eating very few solids).'Well, you'll have to stop breastfeeding now. Just go away on holiday without her for a couple of weeks. She's only doing it to manipulate you, you know.' Mmmmh.. weaning by abandonment, nice....
I said I intendend to tandem feed if dd1 hadn't weaned herself by the time dd2 was born. 'Oh no, you don't want to do that. She'll be very violent towards the baby and kick and scratch her when she is feeding.'
What a complete load of b*llocks. I changed GPs that day.

tiktok, I so agree with this: "ie the remarkable and persistent tendency of the human race to stick its nose in where it's not wanted, and to make comments about things they know sod all about.". Beautifully demonstrated by the other thread. (can't even be bothered to post on it, the ignorance is just breathtaking)

MarmaladeSun · 17/07/2004 16:15

It's so sad isn't it? I remember when I had had my first baby, and she was only a fewd ays old. My sister had come over from Oz to visit, and we all went to a restaurant as a family. DD started crying for a feed, much to the annoyance of the other diners who didn't like the noise. I discreetly turned my chair, put a cot sheet over my shoulder and babe underneath and proceeded to feed DD. The same diners who had complained about the noise now tutted and moaned to the waitress about me breastfeeding! You can't win can you? In my opinion anyone who objects to bf are the ones with the problem, as if they weren't gawping at the woman's boobs in the first place they wouldn't even know!

tootie · 17/07/2004 20:33

My HV made me feel really confident when she came to visit us in the first few days and said "good grief you could feed the whole street with those"(gee thanks).Also when I got masctitis bf number 2 I was advised to walk around the house topless to "let the breasts breathe"!Really practical with a 2 year old and a baby...

Hayls · 15/09/2004 14:42

Frogs just directed me from another thread I started so I could add a comment my hv made. I was talking about my 7 month old's reluctance to drink from a cup or bottle (water or ebm) and she asked if I had tried her with 'proper' milk yet. I'm sorry I didn't ask what she meant because I'd love to know but at the time I just didn't think!

Tickle · 15/09/2004 19:49

Overheard, about me bfing ds1 on a train (prob 6mths at the time)
"God, it's just so unnatural, letting your kid suck your tits". This from one mother of a toddler to another...

lulupop · 15/09/2004 21:31

from my mother (in every other way a wonderful mum and grandmother): "you should start giving her formula, she's a right little madam. She'll have you flopping it out every half hour at this rate" (about my DD, 3 months at the time)

toddlerbob · 16/09/2004 01:51

Isn't he getting too big for that?
Yes mum, swap seats, I think we need the sofa now we don't fit in this chair anymore.

Open mouthed awe.
(bottle feeding friends who have just had a conversation about how hard it is to drop bottle feeds, how their kids won't go to sleep without a bottle in their cot, how many ear infections they have had (probably caused by drinking whilst laid flat?), and then proceed to queue up for the microwave to heat up the bottles they all just strenuously denied they gave at lunchtime.) I really wanted to say that giving up bottle feeding didn't seem to be any easier than I imagine giving up breastfeeding is and at least I didn't have to wash all those bottles and pay for all that milk.

Surely you are thin enough now?

But he has teeth!
Well your kid hasn't chewed through his silicon teat now has he?

You'll be pleased to wean so you can eat what you want! (from a junior doctor in casualty - she got put straight on it's comforting, painkilling and generally making you feel you are doing something useful while your kid suffers factors, as well as a stern warning about the potential damage she could do to other mothers who were in a stressful situation.)

aloha · 16/09/2004 09:48

Eat what you want?? What a stupid ignorant doctor. Of course you can eat what you bloody well want when you breastfeed!

mummytosteven · 16/09/2004 09:56

aloha - if you have a nut allergy tho you are advised to restrict what you eat whilst bfing, to avoid the risk of the little one developing a nut allergy. I could not get sensible consistent advice on this topic at all - La Leche League said to avoid the allergic nut and peanuts, midwives/HVs hummed and hawed but in the end seemed to plump for caution and try to get me to cut out as many nuts as possible!

tiktok · 16/09/2004 10:35

mummytosteven, I don't think there is consistent sensible advice about nuts and bf....that's prob why all those people were confused! The evidence that avoiding nuts in pg and during bf if there is allergy in the family is thin indeed....though if someone had a serious nut allergy then they would prob be sensible to avoid nuts just in case....

Pidge · 16/09/2004 11:08

tiktok - you're so right, it's impossible to get a straight answer on this. I'm allergic to walnuts and pecans (not anaphylactic), so obviously I don't eat those, but normally I would eat other nuts. I breastfed dd for 2 years and now I'm pregnant again and frankly I could murder a peanut butter sandwich!! I have been resisting, but it's annoying to think I could be missing out for nothing on eating nuts which are so so nutritious.

toddlerbob · 16/09/2004 21:11

Aloha, I know it shouldn't make a difference scientifically and having done a year without eggs I wish it didn't make a difference in my experience too. In her defence the doctor wasn't telling me that I should not eat stuff, I was telling her that I didn't because it helped. I was annoyed because she thought that eating what I liked was more important to me than feeding my baby.

Bob is a lot better with his allergies, of course he is older now and so you would expect that, but at least I know I did everything I could, even if it is flawed scientifically.

mummytosteven · 16/09/2004 21:16

Thanks for the reply Tiktok - I share some of your misgivings as to the nut allergy theory- but felt bound to try my best, given that I have (non anaphylactic) allergy to brazil nuts. Had I "merely" had a history of hayfever/eczema, I would have been more relaxed about the whole thing. And I really do sympathise with you pidge- by the end of my PG, I couldn't care less about alcohol - I was just desperate for peanut butter!

Mog · 29/09/2004 15:40

I've just found this thread as I'm back to breastfeeding with newborn number 3. The best comment we had, which still makes us chuckle was from MIL. She's never understood me breastfeeding for so long and has always seen my being vegetarian as something strange. When we were visiting them shortly after dd was born and dd was a bit restless one night, MIL said to my husband 'Do you think it's the vegetarian milk' Kept us laughing for days

tiktok · 29/09/2004 18:42

Mog, that's a corker!!!

yurtgirl · 30/09/2004 13:31

Message withdrawn

cellulitequeen · 30/09/2004 13:39

My MIL just couldn't get her head round why anyone would BF and used to say things like "ooh I don't know how you can do that, it doesn't seem natural (!). I got the doctor to give me pills to dry my milk up". DS did so well on my BF and I used to take great pleasure in knowing that his bonniness was down to me. Ha ha MIL!

Clayhead · 30/09/2004 13:54

I have just fed my 13 month old ds in a local cafe and received several comments along the lines of 'still feeding', 'aren't you tired', 'don't you want your body back'. Even though I know it's no one else's business and stayed strong whilst I was there, I'm so upset about it, I wish people just didn't say anything at all, I never comment on the way others feed their children.

He's teething, he's feeling sore and a short day time feed makes him feel better.

I am much more sensitive than when I fed dd since reading on mumsnet that lots of people think feeding after 1 is weird (thread a while back), even if they bf before this age; I never knew that before I read it here.

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