Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Flip

Original poster

Bfing my 3.3 yr old, but thinking about stopping - do you think I should, and if so, how?

17 replies

NoNickname · 22/03/2007 13:29

Ds is 3.3 and has two feeds a day - first thing in the morning and last thing at night. They're both very quick feeds - no more than about 3-4 mins per side, so not really disruptive to our day or anything like that.

I have always hoped he would self-wean, but tbh I am beginning to get quite fed up of it all, especially as he has started waking in the night a bit recently (bad dreams?) and is wanting milk. For the last year or so, if he has woken, through teeth or something, a quick cuddle is all he has needed before going back down fine. Dh has started going in to him to avoid the milk question altogether, but it has made me start to question extended bfing, and whether I can go on much longer. I am beginning to resent it for some reason, and I really do feel like he would carry on forever if I don't take a lead in weaning him.

Are there many extended bfers out there? What would you do? Has anyone else given up at a late age - rather than the chid give up themselves? How did you feel? If I do decide to wean him, what practical suggestions do you have? (Dh is not usually home at night when ds goes to bed, so it would still have to be me who does the bedtime routine. I can distract him quite often out of the morning feed, but have never managed it at bed time unless I am out and dh puts ds to bed).

All thoughts and comments welcome.

OP posts:

Elasticwoman · 22/03/2007 13:55

I suppose I did let my ds self-wean, but I encouraged weaning by (1) restricting the times/occasions when he could feed (which it sounds like you already do) and (2) offering something else instead eg story at bedtime instead of breastfeed. If he accepts story he has made the choice.

I never refused to feed him if he was upset - if he'd fallen over, or in the night after a nightmare. In fact, he used to get into bed with me and latch himself on in the middle of the night - I would wake to find him feeding! At least no screaming in the night and I didn't have to get up.

Original poster

NoNickname · 22/03/2007 14:14

Thanks Elasticwoman - I like the idea of offering an alternative (although we already have a story, so don't know what I would offer).

I haven't definitely decided I want to stop -I think ds is going through a bit of a stage at the moment - miserable, whingey, tantrummy, etc - and I feel that he is generally annoying me much more than usual - so I also wonder if that has any bearing on how I am feeling.

OP posts:

Elasticwoman · 22/03/2007 17:34

You could offer an alternative drink in a cup, but if it were me I'd want to clean his teeth again afterwards.

Perhaps you could offer a supplementary story, poem or song (eg nursery rhyme).

Btw, don't tell me you can't sing. Unless you have had a laryngectomy you can. Mil has terrible singing voice and it never stopped her. SShh, don't tell her I said that! dh went on to win scholarship to music school so it didn't ruin his ear or put him off music.

rowan1971 · 22/03/2007 17:45

Don't have much concrete to offer as my record (so far) is 2 years, but can empathise with your occasional feelings of frustration. Have you searched the other threads on extended bf-ing? FrannyandZooey and yellowrose both gave me good advice recently.

yesireallycan · 22/03/2007 18:01

My DD is 2 yrs 8 months and I'm exactly the same as you - she comes into bed for "boobie" first thing in the morning and also last thing at night. I'd pretty much like to stop now too. For one thing it's not always very comfortable and for another I just sort of feel like I've had enough. Although she did recently completely avoid a nasty virus that both I and her big sister had quite badly so the antibodies thing is quite compelling. Anyway sorry can't offer any advice really! I am sort of following a friend who weaned her 3 year old by just making the feeds shorter and shorter - she would let her feed but say "quick!". Over time they just got shorter and shorter and eventually stopped. I guess they DO all stop in the end - don't they!??

Tinker · 22/03/2007 19:53

Oh, I was just about to start a thread liek this myself Mine is 22 months and I've had enough. Will read thread now

Tinker · 22/03/2007 19:56

I want to go cold turkey - get away for a few nights - but am worried she'll still want to feed when I get back. I find it so uncomfortable now, back feels twisted because of holding her/lying in strange contorted positions in bed etc.

Elasticwoman · 22/03/2007 22:54

Sorry to tell you Tinker but dh paid to send me on lovely break away for 3 days when ds was 20 months. Ds didn't miss me at all (so I was told) but on my return latched on straight away, much to dh's chagrin!

One trick a friend of mine had, was to make her (older) child stand up to feed. Had to stand on a chair to reach the nipple! But it prevented him from feeding to sleep, and shortened the feeds.

Tinker, I suggest you see a bfcounsellor about positioning before you damage your back, and she will also help you with weaning.

Jacanne · 22/03/2007 23:10

My friend weaned her DS just before his fourth birthday because she was pregnant and had has enough. She went out with him an they chose a special book together and she told him that they could still have a special cuddle at bedtime, just the 2 of them and that she would read to him from the book but that he was a big boy now etc.

She was dreading it but it worked really well - he asked a couple of times and she said "remember, we're not doing that anymore" and he was surprisingly fine about it all. It might not be as hard as you think.

Original poster

NoNickname · 23/03/2007 13:40

Thanks Jacanne. I think I would be very sad to stop, but I really am starting to resent it these days. So often people say that continued bf is great while both of you are enjoying it. Most of the time that's the case; I think it's just the middle of the night feeds that have crept back in that I resent.

OP posts:

wangle99 · 24/03/2007 22:13

I weaned DS at 3 years and 2 weeks. I realised one morning that it was right for us then, plus he was going to be going to a private school nursery and I dreaded him asking for it when we were there although he was only having a morning and night feed.

I fed him in the morning and said this will be the last time you are having milk. he didn't believe me. That evening we had tears and sobbing (and I was beside myself too), next day he asked and by day 3 he didn't ask at all. He still is obsessed with my boobs (drives DH to distraction lol) and loves to snuggle up and the other day he said 'i'd quite like some of your milk mummy' but I said it had all gone and he was fine with it.

Good luck!

bigbird2003 · 24/03/2007 22:40

I've never been an extended BF but if you feel the time has come for the end then I would imagine you would have to follow a similar line as someone giving up a comforter/dummy/bottle. Luckily at 3, LO is old enough to reason with and understand it has come to an end

Hope it all goes well and well done for giving him the best start any child could wish for

MorocconOil · 25/03/2007 09:16

I am still bf my 2 year old. It is fine as it is only once a day and never at night, so will probably carry on for a while yet.

I was talking to a Mum at a toddler group the other day and she had just weaned her 2 year old by smearing marmite on her nipple!!Apparently her DS only tried it once then gave up! Someone else there(she was born in India) suggested a paste made up of Garam masala. Sounds a bit drastic, but apparently it works a treat.

yellowrose · 26/03/2007 09:06

NNN- what you describe is almost exactly like my son, he will be 2.9 yo. He never ever wakes now, but if he does it will be because he has a cold, stuffy nose, etc, which thankfully we have all avoided this winter.

I am also planning to self wean. He is very easily distracted esp. in the morning. I am on medication which I take late at night, so trying not feed in the morning, and feed lunch time instead, which he hasn't objected to.

I actually think toddlers this age are not that difficult to wean if that is what you wish to do. There are gentle methods and not so gentle methods. The gentle ones may take time, but much nicer for you and the child than doing "cold turkey".

Have you looked at the La Leche League website or gone to any of their meetings ? They usually have child-weaning mothers there and have lots of experience. You could also just talk to them on the phone. Their website has a few books you can buy and read (get their cheap ones on ebay ?).

I think kellymom.com has a few tips on weaning a toddler too.

Anna8888 · 26/03/2007 09:28

My daughter (2.4) objects strongly to the body lotion I sometimes rub into my breasts. So I have the solution at the ready for the day I want to wean...

sideways · 26/03/2007 09:33

dd self-weaned at 3.5. I was starting to wonder if she ever would and if I would have to force the issue, but I think she just got fed up.

We had cut it down to just at bedtime when she was nearly 3, and it was only lasting about a minute.

She asked for it occasionally afterwards, but I just reminded her that she didn't want it anymore and we have extra cuddles instead.

Tinker · 26/03/2007 15:33

elasticwoman - you've made my blood run cold This morning she was taken downstairs instead of coming into bed - she screamed and screamed . So, feeling guilty, I fed her when I came downstairs. When she was finished she smacked her lips and said "Milk. It's lovely" Oh dear, it's not going to be easy.

Flip