Baby 2 weeks old, giving up breastfeeding, heartbroken and need some support.

[Lucinda15]

I have one 5yo DS who I breastfed for 10 months. We persevered through latching issues which made the first few weeks/months very hard work. There were lots of tears and heartache but I got through it breastfeeding him is one of my proudest achievements. Although, looking back at his his first few months i realised how clouded they were with the difficulties we had breastfeeding. I developed PND and I'm quite sure the anxiety and difficulties with breastfeeding contributed to that. I promised myself if I had another I wouldn't put myself under so much pressure to breastfeed.

I've just had DC2. She is two weeks old. We have had terrible difficulties breastfeeding. The latch has been awful, I've been in terrible pain despite a huge amount of guidance and support from midwives/breastfeeding counsellors/HV's who have been round almost daily. On the face of it our latch looks fine, but I am early always in pain, and if I do get a pain free latch for some reason we can't maintain it. I have had her properly checked for tongue tie by a specially trained midwife who confirmed she didn't have it. I've developed an awful cracked and bleeding nipple which has been excrutiating. I was feeding though it but have now decided to express that side and feed only on my good side. But now the good side is feeling very sore and I think may be developing a crack. I just feel at my wits end with it.

I feel guilty about my DS who I've not been able to spend time with as I've been mainly breastfeeding or expressing inbetween feeds. I've also been really stressed and irritable and have been bad tempered with him unfairly which makes me feel like a shitty mum! My DH has been holding the fort around the house but is going back to work next week and I'm dreading managing the school run and everything else around painful frequent feeds and expressing. I just don't feel I can invest the same amount of time getting through this like I did with my son.

We are on the verge of giving up and switching to formula but I'm having real dilemmas about this. It was so important to me to breastfeed, and I felt after my son I could work through anything. But I really feel I've tried everything I can and I'm getting nowhere. And I remember what I promised myself about not putting pressure on myself next time. But I still feel guilty for giving up and worry I'm not doing the best for my daughter. But I really don't think I can carry on.

I am nor sure what I'm after by posting this.... would just like a little bit of reassurance that it's ok to give up and put this behind me

Oh sorry, I thought you meant you had been trying to feed her again after a break.
Did the LC you saw say whether or not she thought TT?

Yes, definatley get the thrush looked at as it can make you feel rubbish. Same for your DD, thrush may make bottle feeding uncomfortable for her.

Even if you're not b/feeding, tt can still cause problems later on with speech and eating solids so best getting looked at.

Hopefully someone will be along to advise re:the allergy.

It sounds like it was a combination of things that made it difficult for you so try not to focus on a possible tt being the reason as if it turns out she doesn't have it, you may end up feeling worse. Sometimes despite our best efforts things just don't work out the way we thought they would.

My lo is 12 weeks old and has suspected CMPA and its hard giving up the dairy plus weve had alot of troubles with feeding breastfeeding also. 6 weeks dairy free and symptoms have returned!. Ive wanted to give up breastfeeding however she refuses formula, will starve herself and scream so im at the point where breastfeeding doesnt feel like my choice anymore I however cant see her scream ans the special formulaa taste disgusting. I hope you get some answers soon x

Just a quick update; I took DD to see the dental surgeon for a second opinion. He diagnosed a 3rd degree lip tie and a posterior tongue tie. I am stunned and relieved and sad all at once. She had them fixed yesterday and I'm struggling a bit with my emotions while I'm helping her heal and doing the stretches. It feels like torture but hopefully will improve quickly. I have a tiny flow of milk left, he said I could try to get her back on the boob. I've spoken to la leche league for advice so may give it a go. I'm sad it's gone this way but relieved that I wasn't going mad in thinking there was something blocking our progress!

Hi Lucinda
Congratulations on the birth of your baby, sorry you have had such a tough start to feeding. Glad you have finally got an answer to what has been going on.

Just wanted to say, ds had a posterior tongue tie and we had to do those exercises after it was cut. It was torture to do but using a tiny bit of dentinox teething gel seemed to help, and he did quickly calm afterwards. It didn't reattach thankfully and feeding became ok in the end with much less pain (it was unbearable before and I dreaded every feed). Others I've spoken to haven't been told about the stretches/wound massage and it has reattached, but has got even worse (due to scar tissue I think). So definitely worth it.

I hope it works out for you, all the very best.

You poor thing. Many midwives (private or not) simply aren't qualified to diagnose tongue and lip ties and what you were describing just sounded like absolute textbook TT/LT. I am so annoyed for you that you have been through so much pain.

It is possible to relactate, you know, if you can be bothered! Indeed there is another thread on here just now. jack Newman has written extensively on this subject too- www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/induced_lactation/protocols4print.shtml

Kellymom is awesome too- kellymom.com/?s=relactation

OP you absolutely do not need permission to bottle feed your baby. If this is what you need to do just do it. It 100% does not matter what anyone else thinks. We are constantly made to feel so about such choice, and it is yours alone to make. There is nothing wrong with the bottle!!

It is ok. I had to give up after 2 weeks as my milk was not coming through properly and my little man was losing weight. I tortured myself and sought reassurance on moving to formula too. Breast feeding is best, we all know that, but sometimes it does not work for women and the most important thing is that baby gets fed, it doesn't matter how, and that baby gets love and you enjoy these early weeks as they soon pass. I put so much worry and pressure in relation to bf in those two weeks, I missed out on just enjoying my baby. Once I moved to formula and he started putting his weight back on, I relaxed and started focusing on enjoying it. I make sure I still do lots of skin to skin, and when I bottle feed, I hold him close, and gaze into his eyes which just melts my heart and my hubby can now feed his son which he loves and I love to watch that bonding between them.
The thing to really take on board is what people said to me, there is no right or wrong and you are not letting anyone down. Look at everything you will give / do for your little ones future. As Women we are amazing in the fact we nurture an egg to become a little person and bring this amazing life into the world. You are doing great and always remember that.

Google vasospasm, that may be the pain you're describing. I had it with all three of mine and it passes after a few weeks but the shredded nipple pain won't go until the wounds heal. And they will heal.

You can stop, you're a grown woman with your own mind. You don't need permission.

Glad you feel relieved OP. Just out of interest, did you have the lip tie done too?

Those links cardinalcat posted for relactating are really good if that's what you wanted to do.

This is an interesting read about the tounge tie stretches.
www.analyticalarmadillo.co.uk/2012/12/what-is-appropriate-aftercare-following.html?m=1

Thanks for the reassurance everyone and the links. Yes littleteofeet she had the lip tie done as well. She seems to be tolerating the stretches better today, I'm just petrified I'm not doing them right and dreading reattachment. Wld hate for things to get worse!! I just tried her back on the boob again. It will take a few goes to see if there is continuous improvement but so far I felt nothing, and the nipple was not blanched or wedge shaped when she finished which is amazing!! X

What a fantastic update, Lucinda! How are things this morning?

Hope you're getting on ok.

Are you in the U.K.? I didn't think they cut lip ties here so that's really good you got it done. Would you mind letting me know where you had it cut (or PM me).

We are doing ok. Unfortunately I think it's too late to reestablish breastfeeding... she has become quite unhappy since the procedure. I've had a check up and everything is healing well and apparently she shouldn't be in much if any pain anymore but she is incredibly clingy and unhappy at the moment. Won't really let me put her down and crying an awful lot. Which is really hard for me. I feel I've caused all this for her and want to make it better. The surgeon thinks she is just needing lots of attention and cuddles cos she is unsettled. I hope it's no more than that. Anyway. I've tried to offer her boob but she dsnt seem interested anymore, and gets very frustrated. I also have to do stretches and massages on her wounds at feeds and have a 5yo to look after, so trying to breastfeed her and possibly express around all of that is just not realistic at the moment. We are all very tired and fraught and feeling the pressure... hopefully things will get better once she is healed but I think my milk would be completely dry by then and I'm not sure it will work. I've very mixed emotions about it all.

littletwofeet I will pm you, it was a dental surgeon based in London.