night weaning or total weaning at one?

[BikeBug]

Hello all,

I would really appreciate some help / advice about night weaning, and whether the way to go from demand feeding to no feeding at night is to go via no feeding at all, because I can't see a clear way forward right now...

I've always bf on demand - exclusively for the first 6 months, and then, after a slow start with solids, just whenever DS indicated that he wanted some milk.

The he big problem I have is that DS still wants to feed at night, lots, and he has always been an absolutely terrible sleeper, up 5-6 times a night. I'm still feeding him at bedtime and at least once more in the night, often 2 or 3 times. If I refuse, he climbs all over me, pulling at my clothes and crying.

Because he was such a slow starter on solids I was fine with this at first, thinking at least he was getting food somehow! But now he is one, and I'm knackered - haven't had a single full nights sleep in a year. I keep thinking that the only thing to do is to wean him off the breast entirely, then he won't want it at night anymore. Refusing to feed every time he wakes up is exhausting me, and I'm too soft to stick to it anyway - I always give in after about half an hour.

Does this make any sense? Sorry it's so long - I'm rambling through my chronic sleep deprivation now! Would really appreciate your thoughts on any of this.

Wow, Bike Bug you have done so well to be still night feeding at a year. I got to the "I'm so exhausted I'm a rotten mummy, I've got to get some sleep" stage at 8 months or so with all of mine. Do you have a DP? We found that if my DH went to them in the night and offered comfort and water (in a cup) if hot they all slept through within a couple of nights. Worth a try if you can. Now daytime feeds another matter.... I've got a constant daytime feeder 18 months on my hands... Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Oh, I've had this and have just cracked it with my 22 month-old. What are your sleeping arrangements - baby in with you or in his own room? Our youngest was in with us until we moved house. That definitely added to the night-waking. I used to feed her to sleep because otherwise led to loud loud crying and vile neighbour shouting through wall.

Do you have a partner? Is he supportive? From day 1 of moving into this house, whenever our youngest woke up, my partner went in and dealt with her - just held her, sang to her, whatever to get her back to sleep. The deal was that I just wouldn't go into her. Took a few weeks but she stopped waking in the night. I still bf at otehr times but not in teh night now.

Good luck

Thank you andlittelamb and Tinker for such quick replies and kind thoughts. I do have a DH who is supportive, and who did the night wakings (or at least 10pm-4am) for two weeks a couple of weeks ago, while he had some holiday from work. Night wakings were less frequent, but far longer (over an hour), with no feeding till I took over after 4am (so DS would generally get a feed at bedtime, one at about 5 and another at 6.30 when he woke up for the day). DH's job is a 90 minute commute up the motorway, so it's not generally safe to have him exhausted from night waking (mine is a bus journey into town), or I'd have him doing more to share the load!

Apart from that... DS starts the night in his own cot in his own room. If he wakes before 1am, I resettle him in the cot. This usually means feeding at 7pm, resettling at 7.45, 9, and 10.30 ish. Then after 1am I am too tired for all that, so take him into the spare bed with me for the rest of the night, hence becoming a snack-bar. Sigh. I know that the more I feed, the more he wakes, but it is just soooo tempting at 3am to give in to the distracted wailing and pawing and let him feed, knowing that if I do he'll be asleep in 15 minutes, and if I don't, we'll still be up an hour from now... I just think I might need to remove the temptation from both of us by weaning... But he loves his milk more than anything, and then I feel really mean

Just wondered how you were, really. I think maybe your DS has to learn self comforting at night. Does he have an object? My DS has a taggie in his cot which he loves - I don't know if he uses it if he wakes in the night though. If you would like to try one I'll send you a homemade one!

I know exactly what you mean about loving milk. I can't bring myself to wean and just keep hoping he will self wean. It's just getting a bit embarassing when he puts his hand down my top (particularly in church!)