Erm... stopped breastfeeding and the munchkin child is growing - help me argue please!!

[Flamesparrow]

DS started off fairly average sized... he put on weight from birth (never went below birth weight iyswim), but s l o w l y...

12 months old and he is still in 6-9 month clothes most of the time. The wonderful centile charts place him around 2nd.

Started dropping breastfeeds around beginning of Feb (giving him cows milk bottles instead at night), stopped completely about 2 weeks ago... and he's suddenly started growing.

So far I am glowering at anyone who says that it was me being stubborn and keeping breastfeeding that made him so small.

Was it though?!?!

Would he have suddenly had a growth spurt now anyway??

DH said "he's suddenly started getting bigger hasn't he" - and I said "Don't you even think about mentioning the feeding change" - he just grinned

Soooooooooooo... do I have a leg to stand on?

i fed DS2 only til 16 weeks and he was a slow grower. He still is a slow grower. Isn't 12 months ish the right time for a growth spurt anyway?

Oh - munchkin child wasn't meant in a derogatory way... he's been "my little munchkin" from early on because DD watched the wizard of oz and yelled it was him

Flamesparrow, you know already that he may have grown faster at this point anyway.

But you also know that growing for the sake of growing is unhealthy and may have serious implications for health way down the line - there is a ton of stuff on this in the research, showing that unphysiological growth, which is the sort of growth supported by formula feeding, has long-term effects.

The the only weight monitoring charts that show true physiological growth are the ones based on babies who are fully and exclusively breastfed for about six months and who continue breastfeedng therafter. On those charts your baby at 12 months may well have been above the second centile, but even if he was still on that centile, it doesn't matter - this is not an unhealthy place to be

Physiologically speaking, babies would be breastfed for a lot longer than a year, of course, and so normal physiological growth would be shown in babies/toddlers/children who bf alongside other foods and drinks - and those drinks would include animal milks in many cultures, too.

Having no breastmilk at all at a year is culturally very normal in our society, but biologically and historically very unusual.....and while your baby is almost certainly fine and healthy, his faster growth with the bottles of cows milk and the lack of breastfeeding is nothing for anyone to applaud, still less use as a way of 'getting at you' for continuing to breastfeed

Hope that's clear and I have helped you without seeming to criticise you for not breastfeeding - which I am not doing, I promise! I'm just sharing info

Thanks TikTok (and MoM)

I'm still a bit at stopping I think. He was doing 5 min feeds every 3 hours in the night, biting me, pinching me, and I was exhausted - hence the stopping. He had one morning when I thought I'd stopped that he attached himself (which was lovely) but apart from that he's made no attempts to continue even with erm, full access?

Feeling a bit rejected I think even though I was the one who made the initial decision.

My mum was on at me from early on that it was the breastfeeding stopping him growing/sleeping and it irks a bit that he has decided to do both now!

Flame, is he making his own curve on the graph? (ignore the centile numbers) my theory, in an entirely unprofessinal capacity is that if they are putting weight on and growing and are HEALTHY most importantly then they are doing ok.

Poke your mum in the eye and show her how much he has grown because you were feeding him yourself!

Dunno what he's doing on the graph - have always gone with the theory that he's happy, healthy and walking so only know because of being asked!

He's fine, i'm just irritale i think

Having said all that - he's not well and has just fought his way in!

FWIW, I know how you feel, DD is 8 months and also tiny. I have been under pressure to reduce/stop bf, and have now compromised by doing half and half. This is partly due to the suggestion that bf is just not giving her enough calories. I know this is unfounded, but it still makes you doubt yourself. I sometimes feel guilty that I'm still bf her at all, like it's for my convenience! I try to remind myself of the other benefits of bf that don't seem to be mentioned as much as calorie intake.

Nora, why do you doubt the calorific value of breastmilk? It's actually very slightly higher than formula milk, ounce for ounce.

Of course with breastfeeding, you do not know how many ounces the baby takes, and you can't therefore work out the precise quantity of calories.

Instead, you rely on the baby's own needs to establish his intake - a baby who needs more will take more, and the one who needs less will take less. This may not happen with formula,

Why would a baby be better served by being given amounts according to a table of 'average needs' than by being able to take as much or as little as he needs at any one time?

And of course as you say, appreciating the other characteristics of breastmilk, which are nothing to do with calories, can back you up even more

Growth spurt, if you ask me. I bf ds until he was about 5/6 mo, then he went on to formula because I had to go back to work. He has had a major growth spurt at around 12/13 months so I think that is fairly normal...

Tiktok, hope I haven't confused the message here. I wasn't for a moment saying that I think formula is the better option, but wanted to let Flamesparrow know that she's not the only one being made to feel almost guily about bf, when there is no basis for it. For me it's been a dietician and a hopital paed who have guided me down the formula route, and it can be very difficult not to start to doubt your own judgement when medical professionals are involved. Not sure if she had similar advice to me which is why she feels this way. I think there are too many mixed messages about bf within the NHS - pre-birth you are told it's the best option, then when your baby doesn't hit the 50th centile you are made to feel that you have been almost doing the wrong thing by bf, which surely is ridiculous!

flamesparrow - way back when i was a baby I weighed 10lbs 11oz at birth (I know, my poor mum)
I was b/f exclusively until weaning.
My birth weight dropped dramatically - as it ususal by#ut back in the drak ages of the early 70s, my mum was under enormous pressure to bottle feed me as I was so puny'. I spent my childhood years being the smallest, skinniest and shortest in the class., Until puberty, when I shot up in height
Thing is, I am now a grown woman, and I am 5ft6' and weigh 8.5 stone. I am fit as an ox, have raised two kids and am (reasonably) iny#telligent and very healthy.

The point of this rant is to say 'look at thebigger picture'. You hvae b/f your child, and he is a year old and healthy. The size/weight he is now does not reflect his size/weight when he is older.

Chill, block your ears and know that you have done your best.x
It is sad when you have to stop feeding, it's a milestone, but it's an emotional minefield....

Nora, I wasn't clear, either.....I was trying to say that I know you know the correct info! But I was asking why, when you know the correct info, do you still defer to medical professionals who clearly don't know the correct info!

I recognise women do find it hard to believe in their own judgement, not as a matter of 'faith' as all this stuff is evidenced and researched, but as a matter of confidence.

I think you are spot on about the mixed messages in the NHS - it really is no good at all recommending breastfeeding and then backing it up with ignorance

Flamesparrow, should have said, even though I have been giving DD not just normal but High Calorie formula for half of her daily milk intake for a about 2 months now, she has not deviated from her growth curve in the slightest. So it would appear it hasn't made any difference whatsoever. Would imaging it would have been the same for you

Tiktok, I think it is one thing to be sure that bf is best generally, and another to disregard medical advice when it involves your own child. I know I began to doubt the quality of my milk, my supply, my technique, everything really. But obviously now in hindsight it's apparent that DD's growth has not been boosted by following their advice. I think what is lacking is proper bf assistance (in conjunction with dieticians/ paeds etc...). Somehow researching on the web, scouring Kellymom etc, does not cut it when you are getting conflicting advice at the hospital. It's a confidence thing I guess.

I empathise, Flamesparrow.

DD2 was a pretty big baby at birth (9lbs6oz) and I BF her. I had tried to BF DD1, but she was an animal and it was the most umpleasant thing ever, so I had willingly given up after only 1 week. I produced milk like your average cow with DD1, and suffered terrible engorgement when I quit. However, with DD2 I produced next to nowt and her weight dropped. I could tell I wasn't producing enough and for 3 weeks running she failed to gain 1oz. After 7 weeks of agonising (I loved feeding her, but my body wasn't giving her enough) I reluctantly gave up and switched to formula. I wouldn't say that she thrived, exactly, but at last she started to gain some weight. It is not the be all and end all, and I know that many people seem to think that babies have to gain walloping amounts of weight to be healthy, but she was always healthy and content, just a little on the petite side. The good ole' centile charts can make you a bit paranoid - DD2 was in the 95th at birth and under the 10th by 6 weeks and you start to worry that you're doing something wrong.

Don't try to defend yourself to anyone. There can be many positives to be gained by being breastfed for a year and they outweigh (pardon the pun) the weight issue IMO.