Ds and I had many many problems getting bfeeding going. He was 6 weeks premature and whisked off to intensive care after birth for three weeks. I then got agonising sore nipples and decided to give him ebm for a few days to let myself heal and ended up expressing and bottle feeding for 4 months, until I finally got exclusive bfeeding going. He is now 6 and a half months old.
The whole experience of breastfeeding for me is tied up with sadness. I feel like my body failed ds because I couldn't carry him to term. I never got to hold and breastfeed my newborn baby. I felt guilty for failing to breastfeed when we had problems and now I feel guilty because I want to stop. I have kept waiting for a lovely breastfeeding moment that so many people have talked about but it has never happened. I have talked about stopping bfeeding before but guilt about stopping has kept me going (even through five hideous bouts of mastitis). I am scared of stopping because I won't be able to start again.
What should I do?