the kid won't quit: extended breastfeeding

[rowan1971]

My ds2 has just had his 2nd b'day and is still bfing happily. That's fine with me. Trouble is, his demands seem to be escalating, to the point where I'm almost reluctant to sit down cos he'll be climbing on to me and demanding a feed. He eats plenty of solids (tho possibly needs to eat more?) and is a fine weight/height. Anyone else had this? I wonder whether he's realised that this is one way of getting me to himself and pushing older brother out of the picture slightly. Don't really want to wean him if he's not ready - would ideally like to restrict his access without making him anxious.

Any advice gratefully received.

bump

Must go and play with ds (he is making up elaborate punishments for mummies who stay on the pc for too long) but will return later and try to help

sometimes loads of floor time with them helps playign drawing jigsawa etc. It helps work out whether it is a attention thing or not.

perfectly ok to set down rules at this age though. DD1 was restricted to mainly in bed at this age. made ikea a nightmare though when she was tired shouting for milk at pointing at the beds.

I think us extended bfeeders all go through this at some stage. At the age of 2, I personally don't think there is anything wrong with saying "You can have some milk later", and then distration distraction.
They do eventually get the message. My dts are 2.4, and quite good at accepting that its not time yet

Thank you. And MrsApron about the beds.

Don't really want to just restrict to bed-time yet. Has anyone tried timetabling feeds at this age - say, halfway between meals, or every two hours, or something like that? How long does it take them to get the idea?

He's also totally reliant on bfing for getting to sleep - my fault for being a lazy woman thus far - so he's waking me up several times a night. Which I could do without. Is there any way to restrict nighttime feeding while c-sleeping, or is that a -having-your-cake-and-eating-it situation?

I'm no use on the night feeding thing, as I almost entirely quit it ages ago, but I found being tugged at etc very tiresome, so from about a year, limited bfs by place, not by time. So I will bf DS2 in my bedroom, or in his, or in his brother's room, or in the bath, but not in the living room, and not out and about.

This works very well for us - if he's feeling poorly, he can feed loads, but when he's feeling fine, he only feeds twice a day at the moment (he's nearly 2.5).

Thanks Nockney. Restricting by place seems like a canny idea - may be better understood by him than doing it by time.

yep Nockney thats what I menat about the beds! so nap time or morning or bedtime or give me peace time but on the bed rather than anywhere else.

You can nightwean and cosleep but you may have to get up and go away until he gets the idea. DD1 was fed to sleep 9/10 times i think at 2. Dr sears or poss dr jay gordon has a section on night weaning. my dd1 got the idea quite quickly and it wasn't too bad really. i was preg though and low supply at the time so it wasn't all that satisfying for her at the time. She didn't bloody wean though! A determined BF if ever I saw one.

rowan - by DS is younger than yours (17mo) but I'm in the same boat as you. co-sleeping/BF alot at night. though my DS doesn't feel he needs solids as he's more than happy to just have 'guppin'

DS#2 is 4 now and still bfs. But I restrict it to bedtime. He comes in to our bed at night but I don't feed him then....I'm hoping that it will just start to fade away. It is already really. Gave up day feeds about 12 months ago. I think that it's a question of distracting and sometimes just saying no....firmly!

Rowan I don't think timetabling works at this age unless the child has restricted demand themselves IYSWIM

I know various people who have restricted to only in bed, or only at home

I fed on demand until 2 (seemed easiest and most pleasant for both of us) and then tried to push the boundaries back a little. They can wait for a while especially if distracted. "We'll have some milk, but first x y z" started to work ok at this age.

We never cracked the night feeding despite trying half heartedly in various ways - in my ds's case it really was very important to him and even the thought of stopping was scary, so we didn't. He outgrew it almost completely by the time we moved him to his own room age 3, and being in a separate bed stopped it altogether.

I think this age is hard going but you are still reaping so many rewards from it. It's a perfect way to calm down a tantrum or make friends again after a tussle of wills. I think the world is a challenging, frustrating and scary place for 2 year olds and having the constant reassurance and security of breastfeeding is a great help to them - keeping them on more of an even keel perhaps than if you stuck to a rigid timetable.

Here's Jay Gordon on night weaning

Pantley and Sears are also helpful, can find links if you need them

For me, I ended up feeding 3 times a day, and they seemed to understand this. Morning, afternoon and nightime. I think because I sometimes feed them on their own (so this works out as more than 3 feeds) as well as together, my milk supply has always been good enough to respond to the occasions when they needed it more. Illness or upset.

Just wanted to check in to say thanks for invaluable advice. Have to go bf my little treasure to sleep but will get back to this soon.

Franny is my hero.

Franny, that's a fantastic link. Thanks. Never heard of him before - Deborah Thingy (not her real name) and Continuum Concept is as far as I've got with attachment literature. Maybe what I need is to reassure myself about my choices! Also, some external reassurance that he will be happy to self-wean eventually. My partner is a little freaked at the extended feeding and it's rubbing off on me a bit I suppose. That repulsive 'Bitty' sketch from Little Britain really isn't helping (pet peeve).

So: distraction for him and chilling out for me. Followed by a little light night weaning when I'm feeling strong.

God I hate weaning.

Thanks everybody!

Ah, I sort of assumed you prob had Dr Sears coming out of your ears

(well, not literally - dear god what a disturbing image )

Here is the Great Wise Will himself on night weaning

HTH

Please can me and purplemonkeydishwasher come to live with you.

yes but you will have to bring your own snack boxes and sleep in my infamous slash writing den (ie the spare room)

Rowan - have you tried distraction ? It works realy well when you are out and about as they are too busy to ask in public.

I know what you mean though ds used to do this, esp. when he had a cold or teething. He is 3 in June, so much less of an issue now. He has dropped feeds all by his own choice.

Good luck !

Agree Dr Sears is very good on a no. of topics. I alos have his family food book, it's excellent.

Also try Elizabeth Pantley (Amazon), I used her book when trying to get ds to wake up less frequantly in the middle of the night. She is a long term bf-er so knows what she is on about

Thanks yellowrose. Seems like I have some reading to do. It's just good to be reassured that I'm not the only one!

Oh rowan, you are NEVER alone I hope you have lots of enjoyable reading. Those are great books.

i just ordered that elizabeth pantly book. it's due to arrive next week some time. I'll let you know how it goes!