Really worried about acquaintance's baby

[SleepWhatSleep1]

I'm hoping for Tiktok or someone's wisdom.
This mum is a peripheral friend - friend of a friend. She's breastfeeding her baby and I'm very worried. I'm hoping someone will tell me I'm being daft, and no concern.
Everytime i see her the baby is feeding constantly. Now i had 2 tongue tie babies who cluster fed like champions, but the baby is now 15 weeks, and during the 3 hours i spent with her one morning last week i think i only saw her swap sides, never actually stop feeding.
The baby is long yes, but looks soooo thin (to my eyes). Pinched at the nose and temples, and the skin looks sort of loose. But mum says she's gaining weight - i can see she's growing as she's definitely getting longer, but..... I've also seen photo s where she's smiley and happy. If a baby was not getting enough milk, she wouldn't be happy would she? I know mine just screamed when they struggled to feed (before i learned exaggerated latch technique).

...my heart is now racing with anxiety. The idea of social services turning up (and you then become "known" to them for life) instead of a health care worker when my dd was small.

Report ... but report to the right people!

Squzita - it seems someone else unknown has done exactly that. Called SS who sent round a HV. Mum confused as she's refused hV care until she's told they've been sent by SS. I don't know if she let them in, I'm just glad someone is looking into it.

Mutual friend just rang HV. I've rung nobody :)

OP you aren't being a busybody at all. I was in the position of your acquaintance with DC1 and despite being a generally sensible human being missed all the signs that DC wasn't getting enough nutrition. Looking back at photos still makes me cringe with guilt at my idiocy.

I had very little breastfeeding advice or support but my Mum said that it looked fine so I just accepted it. DC barely slept and fed constantly. I thought this was normal because I had heard that newborns are hard work. In my sleep deprived state I didn't question it, even when DC suddenly became very sleepy and wouldn't wake easily. I took her to hospital (not in UK) and the doc asked if she was feeding on and I replied that she was, because that's what I believed.
He sent us home saying she was fine. She definitely wasn't. In the end MIL and SIL staged an intervention and gave DD a bottle. I had turned the bedroom into a cave really, trying to keep out natural light so that DC would be calm and sleep. It was awful and I will be forever grateful to MIL and SIL for what they did but at the time I was very resentful and took it as a criticism of my parenting skills, thought DC would be damaged by formula and lose benefits of breastfeeding, all sorts. I was sleep deprived and not in a good place.

You really are doing the right thing.

I can't remember how much of birth weight DC1 lost but it was something horrendous like 25%. It is frightening how easily it can happen. DC was almost 3 weeks before the intervention, and was mixed feeding until 12 weeks when she got the hang of bfing. After that she would no longer take a bottle and I bf her until she was 2 and a right chubber.

25%! oh my goodness poor you and your dd! that must have been a horrible time for you

I think it was much worse for DD

I just wanted to share the story to point out how easy it is to find your judgement skewed if you are exhausted and don't have access to good advice.

Worry about a baby is judging??
The experts here will have best advice about feeding but you're correct that mums can't always objectively see their baby isn't getting enough. I had friends tell me they thought my babies looked underweight and I honestly thought they looked fine, though I knew I had feeding issues as mine struggled to latch and cried.

Seeing the pictures now it was obvious they were struggling. I was lucky as I had hcps that helped me.

squizita

I read this out of context it seems

apparently mum is furious that someone has called SS on them!

But thanks for the patronising lecture anyhoo

Sorry i was typing ambiguous my - my fault. I'm always trying to multi task and fend off small people trying to snatch my phone!

I don't know if this will help you or your friend by my son put on about 1-2oz every 2 weeks. It turned out he had cmpa. I was breastfeeding at the time until I found out then I switched to neocate and he put weight on a bit more (not much difference though). He was very sunken in the face, had pale skin, bad nappies and eczema. He fed constantly too but it looked like the milk hurt him.
Just throwing that out there, might not help or it might!
If you're concerned, have you asked your friend if she is? It could go either way of course but I never mentioned my sons growth or other issues as I was worried people would think I was a ftm going a bit mental.

Not patronising. Really stressed and upset.

I work with SS sometimes. I had a small baby for known medical reasons. I had unhelpful peopLe from work warn me what could happen if someone "got the wrong end of the stick" based on seeing her.

Reading people suggesting SS before HV made it all come back. SS was never called to me of course, but the chats I had with certain so called friends haunted me her whole first year. I took to carrying her red book to show engagement at all times.

Having a small baby can be terrifying.

Anyway SS did not knock in this case: the HV did, thankfully.

Without outing myself too much - my DD lost a lot of weight in the first few weeks, was feeding all the time and constantly pooing - I kept telling the HV and midwives who were all quite flippant and said its normal for breastfed babies etc. but my gut feeling said something was wrong as DC1 was breastfed and nothing like she was. I did push it and she was diagnosed with a serious condition affecting her digestion and she just couldnt absorb anything. With medication shes now happy and healthy and a chubby little thing but if she was my first DC I might have gone along with the HVs and thought it was normal.