Really struggling with breastfeeding :( pls help

[FTM85]

Hi all

My gorgeous LO is 5 weeks old on Monday and I'm really struggling with breastfeeding. As the name suggests I am a FTM and feel I was never prepared for how difficult breastfeeding can be. I have been clusterfeeding it seems all day every day since she was born. I KNOW people say this is normal and I'm so proud with how far I've come as she is really thriving - midwife and HV couldn't believe how much weight she'd put on after birth - but I just feel so alone with it all.

The longest she will go is about an hour to an hour and a half without a feed - not everyday but most. I must say we've been lucky that she loves a long sleep in the nighttime sometimes going 4-5 hours without a feed. But I feel I can't leave the house. I'm quite shy with BF in public especially out on my own which I'm sure I will get used to. But I can't stop the pram without her crying and wanting to suck. The health visitor and Bf counsellor said this could be just for comfort if she is nursing so frequently but I'm really struggling to get her to take a dummy, she loves it when I hold it in and will often fall asleep but she doesn't have the ability to hold it in her mouth (I've tried various different ones).

The other night my husband and I tried a bottle of formula in the hopes that I could mix feed with one bottle a day - we felt she was taking the milk as she was sucking but then after about 15 mins the amount was still the same so I think she was just holding the teat in her mouth. I don't want to buy various bottles as it will cost a fortune and there's no certainty she will take to any.

Basically I just feel pretty alone with it all. I get jealous of my husband being able to leave the house or even have a bath. I feel copped up on the house while he is at work. It's 4.45am and I'm sitting downstairs with her while she's nursing and screaming at me inbetween as if she's frustrated (nothing wrong with positioning or latch have been through all of that).

Basically I just feel at the end of my tether. I really don't want to give up - people keep saying it will get easier but when? Really struggling :(

Please be kind x

I found a different playgroup (and once a week breastfeeding group) for every day of the week and went from when DS was about 3 weeks old - useless for him at that age but great from me - a cup of tea and plenty of other mums. Church playgroups (I am not at all churchy) were the best for older women helpers who were happy to have a cuddle with DS and feed me tea and they generally cost about a quid a session. Off the top of my head I can remember 8 different groups we visited over time and by the time he was ready to play I had sussed the best ones for him 9and me) There was always a comfy area for the mums with babes in arms.

On the breastfeeding front you are so nearly there! Keep at it and in only a few weeks it will settle

5 weeks at the time seems such a long time but in a month or two you'll look back and think how quickly the time went, if baby is generally happy and putting on weight you're doing brilliantly. One day you'll suddenly realise that it has got easier, and you maybe even left the house and went out somewhere without it taking hours to get ready and having to stop to feed, again, before you go!

Enjoy the time being able to sit and watch whatever you like on telly, I found that was one of the things with dd2 I couldn't do while feeding her as her 3.5 yr old big sister watched it too! I never really got the hang of feeding in public, but usually the only person it bothers is you even though you feel like everyone is looking at you! Can you do stuff like go round to friends or relatives houses to get you out and about but be somewhere relaxed to get the hang of not feeling like you're flashing every time? Those aprons you can get are brilliant, I borrowed one once and really wished I had got one

Babies learn to go longer between feeds, though some go longer than others, everyone is different so don't compare to others, I'm sure both mine never went more than 1-2 hours until starting weaning.
Just remember you've managed all you have done so far, you only need to look at your baby to see what you are achieving!
The feeling of being constantly on duty takes a while to get used to, but enjoy it, before you know it they will be at school feeding for themselves!!

Hi OP, hope today has been a better day.
For the first 6 weeks I had an awful time, the days were ok and thankfully I was happy to feed in public, however the evenings were the worst and we had undiagnosed tongue tie to top it off.

I second getting a sling, in the early days I used a stretchy wrap which was so snug and I had my hands free most of the time. Plus I could feed her very discreetly even when out the house as the wrap pulled to the side to feed and still kept us covered.

At about 6 weeks things suddenly got better and I carried on feeding until nearly 18m, it got so much more enjoyable.

Good luck, you've already done so well to get this far. Well done and hope things pick up for you too x

I'm sorry I haven't rtft (up bf a 2.5 week old and not sure I can keep my eyes open!)

I bf ds1 and am currently bf ds2. I had no idea how hard it would be. Ds1 fed really well, no pain, no issues like that but I'd had no idea how relentless it would be. He was feeding every hour at a minimum, all day and night. We started Co sleeping at 7 weeks when he was up every 40 minutes through the night.

Ime you need to get out. It was crucial for me. Start by going with or meeting someone else for a coffee for example. Get your changing bag etc ready the night before, get up, feed baby, get ready and breakfast etc, feed baby again and go.

Offer a feed once you've got to where you are going. You c as n feed in the car if you have one or go directly to a cafe (m. & s are always helpful) order drink, ask them to bring it over and sit and feed. Then you can have a wander around while she's full.

Same thing with a playgroup, supermarket etc.

Have you tried a sling/carrier? I used a soft structured carrier as don't get on with the stretchy wrap thing. Ds 2 cries for a minute or two then sleeps and sleeps. Still take the pram, but being uprights and your motion can really help.

Not directly connected with the feeding but please make sure you stand and walk lots in between or even during feeds. You are at hugely increased risk for deep vein thrombosis / blood clots in your legs or even lungs in the first six weeks after the birth. The standard breastfeeding advice to sit on the sofa and feed, feed, feed exacerbates your risk by reducing your mobility and blood flow to the legs. I learned this one the hard way and was utterly shocked that nobody ever mentioned it to me before it happened.

On the feeding itself, it does sound utterly draining and if the baby wasn't gaining weight as well as you say, I'd definitely be querying whether she is getting enough as that is very frequent. I'm not trying to question your perception in any way but that 4-5 hour stretch of sleep at night is actually quite good and probably only possible because you are feeding so frequently in the day. How long does each feed last? At this age, have you tried checking that every cry isn't a hunger cry - it might be a cry of too hot, too cold, bored, uncomfortable, wet nappy, etc. Start switching your responses from immediately feeding to checking other options first and then feed in case she is simply feeding because it's available.

Your experience with the bottle sounds very unusual if, as you say, she was actually sucking. Sorry if this sounds simplistic but are you sure you were holding it so that the teat was filled with milk? I can't see how she could be sucking and no milk left the bottle. any chance you made a mistake about how much was in there in the first place? I'd certainly consider trying an occasional bottle feed again.

Best of luck.