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Infant feeding

Please tell me how to,stop breastfeeding!

29 replies

Titsalinabumsquash · 29/01/2017 19:47

My DD is 19 months and she is a breast obsessive, she feeds randomly, whenever she feels like it, if she asks and I don't deliver she pull at my top and screams and yells.
The worst bit is nighttime, she falls asleep feeding about seven and then wakes up an hour or two,if I'm lucky later and then is suckling all night, her latch is and has always been awful so I'm permanently in pain and grumpy as anything because I'm tired, emotionally and physically.
She doesn't need milk, she eats meals and has cups upon cups that she will drink water or milk out of, it's a comfort thing, I am her dummy and it sucks.
I can't cut down one feed at a time because there's no pattern accept at night time and she cried so much if I say no we end up with three miserable brothers to deal with from being woken up and since one is disabled and feeling like shite anyway, this is not easy in him.
I can't do the whole don't offer, don't refuse thing because she demands it and if I say no all hell breaks loose and at nighttime she just helps herself if I'm dozing off.
She won't have a bottle for anything or a dummy or a comforter of any kind. It's my fault really, I've carried her on my chest since the day she was born and she's always been right there on me in some way, I don't think she's realised we're two separate people yet.
Please give me some tips because despite the lame attempt of lighthearted humour I'm starting to feel really low. I just want to be able to give her a cuddle without her pulling my boobs out or yelling at me for them. Sad

OP posts:
WellErrr · 29/01/2017 19:52

Go out and let her choose her own cup/drink bottle. Warn her that there'll be no more milk tomorrow.
Put plasters on your nipples and tell her the milk has run out as she's a big girl now.

Give loads of cuddles and love and reassurance but just don't breastfeed.

You'll get lots of different replies but they are YOUR breasts and it is ok to stop breastfeeding.


WellErrr · 29/01/2017 19:53

And it's not your fault. Really. But you can solve it Flowers

WellErrr · 29/01/2017 19:54

AND (sorry!) I'd wear a polo neck or a bodysuit to bed for a few nights.

MrsHathaway · 29/01/2017 19:59

Oh, I remember how awful that stage was with my DC3. The first two had been easy one-a-day feeds and sleeping through the night ... He didn't get the memo. I was bleeding and couldn't heal, and was about ready to walk out in front of a lorry.

In the end I completely lost my shit when DH was overseas on business. Every time DC3 asked or went hunting Hmm I simply said "no, all gone" and offered cows' milk in a lidded beaker in the day or water at night. There were a couple of hellish days but then it was all over.

He needed a lot of cuddles in that time and thereafter as it was only the suckling that needed to stop, not the close contact and attention. He was 21 mo and non-verbal so very similar age/stage to your DD.

My other children did very well on "don't ask, don't refuse" but that simply hadn't worked for him as he has a totally different character.

Very best of luck.

Jayfee · 29/01/2017 19:59

Not the same but my daughter was nearly 3 and still insisted on a bottle ( stopped breast feeding at 9 months) We went to Spain and she bit through the teat so i told her they didnt sell them in Spain. It worked.
So I agree with well..err entirely. good luck

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 29/01/2017 19:59

I think you just have to toughen up a bit op and I say that as gently as possible! You are entitled to have your boobs back after 19 months.

I would start by night weaning, keep the bedtime feed but then no more until the morning. She will scream but once she realises you mean it and won't back down it won't last long.

Then decide how many feeds you are happy with in the day time (maybe start with 3 morning, lunch and bedtime) and distract but refuse at other times.

Then gradually cut down all together, being able to say no to your child is part and parcel of being a parent. She will of course be cross but thats o.kay.

wonderstuff · 29/01/2017 20:00

I got pregnant and my boob monster decided my milk was yucky (possibly not helpful)
Prior to that I had got it down to one feed at bedtime by consistently saying no, you're a big girl no boob til bedtime.
She will get upset, but she will get over it quickly if you're really firm and consistent.
I vividly remember feeling like I was doomed to breastfeed forever.

Jayfee · 29/01/2017 20:01

would it be mad to try a few harmless things like marmalade on bread and when you find something she hates put it on your boobs if the other methods dont work??

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 29/01/2017 20:07

Thank you for posting this. I've been pondering the same thing with my 15month old. I've recently started telling her after each feed that the milk is finished until whenever I next think I'll be willing to feed her, so "milk is all done. More milk after playgroup". Followed by distraction after distraction until its time and I offer. It's slowly working and she's getting less angry with me when she asks and I refuse. Luckily she does have a lovie that she will snuggle at bedtime as the interminable bedtime feed is the one I most want to stop.
Good luck.

amysmummy12345 · 29/01/2017 20:13

No real advice, my DD was 26 months when I fell pregnant with dd2, one morning she had booby and was sick (the milk must have changed somehow) I took my chance and told her that the milk had gone mouldy! She only asked one more time for it, I reminded her how it made her sick and she never bothered again!

Titsalinabumsquash · 30/01/2017 11:07

Right today she has been told, no boobies until bed time. Hopefully she understands!

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 30/01/2017 13:31

All the best.

ApplesOranges · 30/01/2017 13:39 13 month old is similar and I've been thinking about how I'm going to stop
Not much advice on stopping

IceLemonGin · 30/01/2017 13:46

Following this as 18mo DD is still a boob monster and I'm pregnant with DC2 and don't fancy tandem feeding so want her weaned well before summer!

wonderstuff · 30/01/2017 17:09

Good luck x

amysmummy12345 · 30/01/2017 18:51

How goes it OP?

Titsalinabumsquash · 30/01/2017 23:46

Not great, she screamed herself sick (all over me, the sofa and the floor) she's on,y had 2 feeds (both to nap/sleep) so I guess that's something. Confused

OP posts:
ScarletSienna · 30/01/2017 23:54

There are gentle ways to wean but they do take weeks. I have a 21 month old who sounds similar. I know he doesn't understand an explanations yet so would be distressed and I can't do that to him. Sarah Ockwell Smith has a method I'm thinking of trying. Flowers

Writerwannabe83 · 31/01/2017 08:06

I stopped at 2.5 years and was ready by then. Like you I was constantly being groped, pulled out, screamed at etc and I'd just had enough.

My DH took him to a Barcelona for a week and that pretty much put an end to it - although that may be a bit of drastic solution Smile As soon as DS came beck though he started asking for it again but I just kept telling him that it was all gone and repeated this over and over again until he finally just stopped asking.

It's been three months since I stopped and although he still has hand inside my bra a lot and asks to "hold mommy's milk" he's never asked for or attempted to feed.

Somehow you're going to have to find the inner strength to just say NO Smile

amysmummy12345 · 31/01/2017 08:51

Sorry to hear that 😞 the nap ones were the last ones to go in our house, the comfort ones we used distraction tactics to get round her.

MrsHathaway · 31/01/2017 09:51

Well done for your determination. It will get better.

Titsalinabumsquash · 31/01/2017 16:51

DH has said he'll book a week off work so he can take her for comfort then she's getting upset at the lack of bf.

OP posts:
FannyFanakapan · 31/01/2017 16:56

I had a friend who put a bandage around her boobs, stuck plasters all over the bandage and told her child her boobs were too poorly and the doctor said no more milk. CHild was sad but respected the magic of plasters. kept lifting top hopefully and then big sighs at the plasters. Was fine with cuddles and milk in a beaker as a consolation prize.

jazzandh · 31/01/2017 17:07

Can you tackle one part at a time......I didn't feed on demand, so I can't help with tantrums (well not regarding that anyway!!)...

...but I started by substituting one of the feeds, think it was morning, with a "fluffy" ie frothy milk in a cup (possibly with a tiny biscuit) to begin with...nice china mug etc and chocolate powder sprinkled on top.....we would have it in bed (DH and I with a coffee) and a cuddle.

Hopefully DC sees that there is big girl life!!

Bedtime you can chose the same - or wake her up as you put her to bed - so she falls back to sleep by herself and will begin to break the association.

I fear you may have to ride out some of the tantrums, even if it is to feed to a schedule - "not now ...before your nap etc..." ...still that's good practice ...they come thick and fast at this age and you may as well get some benefit from standing your ground.

You will get there........

jpclarke · 31/01/2017 17:19

My ds only stopped feeding at 23 months and I thought he never would, I was pregnant and it was so painful. But what I started to do at night as I was also his soother and we went through a stage of him waking 6-7 times a night when he was 21-22 months old. But I knew the harsh line of not giving it wasn't going to work so I knew it had to be led by him and a natural approach so I started by distracting during the day when he looked for it, this did not always worked but it was a start and he reduced day feeds. Then at night when he would look for it I would try and comfort him, rub his back etc get him to go back on his own. If he got upset I would give it to him but slowly he actually starting just going back to sleep without it. Then he had a few days of late naps and so when I took him to bed he was so tired he didn't even look for it, so before I knew it he had weaned himself off it and it wasn't at all upsetting on him or me.( Although, I did shed a few tears when he stopped looking for me)

My advice is after going as far as 19 months it won't happen overnight, you have to make small steps to change the routine but it does work. He now sleeps mostly through the night, might wake to get into my bed as we coslept for so long but will go straight back to sleep.

Best of luck but Rome wasn't built in a day!!

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