Baby won't let me stop breastfeeding

[FrankAndBeans]

8 month old DD has been EBF, eats solids but not reliably. I want to stop breastfeeding as she is waking up 8 times at night for the boob and I am touched out. She refuses bottles and barely drinks from a cup or beaker. Am I just stuck BFing until 1 now? She prefers BF to actual food, I've got no idea how to get out of this.

She is feeding a lot at night, so I'm not surprised she's not hungry for solids during the day as sounds like she gets all her nutrition at night. Is there anything that you can do to reduce this? (Example would be sending in partner to settle and maybe she doesn't demand a feed?).

My DD of the same age wakes usually around 1x night which keeps BF sustainable but having broken sleep like yours would be a nightmare. She's generally been accepting of sippy cup etc but only really found started drinking good amounts recently so it might be that just takes her time to get the hang of it.

I feel you may struggle to stop BFng if she's feeding so often, however if you were able to reduce those night wakings I wonder whether you would find it easier to continue in the short-term before establishing other things.

We are co-sleeping as she needs the breast to fall asleep. DP is not being very supportive at the moment which is unlike him. Until she's on formula he feels like he can pass the buck. He has no idea how often she is waking.
To be honest our whole attitude towards her sleeping is terrible. She goes to bed at about 9 and gets up for the day at about 10 so it needs to be completely overhauled. I'm just so touched out and I'm exhausted from having her literally attached to me all night.

In my opinion, you need to move into a different room for a few nights and let DH deal with her.

OP i have no advice for you so I apologise but I just want you to know you're not alone in this! my daughter is 7months and is EBF (refuses any sort of bottle), while she doesn't wake 8 times in the night she does wake around about 4 but still feeds quite a lot during the day! We also co-sleep and have exactly the same sleeping times and she falls asleep on the boob also
DP thinks that while she's BF he can get away with not doing much, if she was FF he'd be in for a shock

I hope someone can come along with some advice and you can get some much needed rest

I'd love to Er but DP is being a dick at the moment whilst insisting he isn't. To be fair, he is away at the moment on and off so after Christmas I will have to get firm with him but he gets so snappy when he is woken up, huffing around sometimes it is easier to just feed her.

Isla
It's so hard, I feel for you. I don't know what it is about breastfeeding that makes them think they have a free pass. DD1 was formula fed and he lots of night feeds. He doesn't know how lucky he is at the moment!

DS was the same at that age. We Co Slept as that was the only way to get any sleep. He refused the bottle from me and DH was useless at trying. Although Nursery couldn't get him to take a bottle either. It got better and he started to have a long feed to sleep and only one feed at night.

OP, you have my sympathies. My baby feeds happily over night, although not eight times, then has no room for breakfast.

I need to break the cycle by decanting him into his own room and sending DH in alternate wakes. In the middle of the night getting the motivation to put him back in the cot or cuddle him and not give a feed is so hard, when with a feed he will go back to sleep. I need to play the long game, psyching myself up.

Can anyone remind me how long it takes to get them out of the habit of this?

Come up with a plan and tell your dh, all of you, that he is the parent too and it's time they stepped up to parent .

Sudafed dries up milk. Might help with her appetite for solid foods anyway.

Good tip Elspeth but I'm worried she will just completely refuse anything else and get dehydrated. She has when someone else has had her and the only thing available has been expressed milk in a bottle.

As you are co-sleeping it seems she is using your breast as a dummy each time she stirs in the night. Does she use a cot for naps during the day? If so have you tried the cot at night? I would persevere with the beaker if she refuses the bottle.

eddie
I've just put her in her cot for a daytime nap for the first time just now to get her used to it. She definitely uses it as a dummy but refuses all dummies! I need to get more resolve to actually put her in her cot at all sleeping times.

Well it's very gradual, don't worry. When I did it, it took about 3 weeks to dry up completely.

Another tip I read was to put a few drops of vanilla essence into formula/cows milk/whatever. It's sweet and tastes like a milkshake. Then if she takes that, gradually reduce the amount over a couple of weeks without them noticing until it's not needed.

I'm not sure stopping breastfeed per se is the answer but more looking at general behaviour / associations particularly around sleep will help.

From my personal experience (although certainly not anyway near as challenging as OP) I just got to the point where I was so exhausted things needed to change. I started simply just focusing on 1 thing at a time: for example - 1) all daytime naps to be in cot 2) start the night in the cot 3) not to feed within 3hrs at night etc. Surprisingly things got better really quickly (as in days). Once DD was used to sleeping in her cot rather than in bed with us, she woke less, fed less at night, ate more during day and got on a really positive spin. Now that she wakes 1x or sometimes never at night, I feel much happier BFng.

Maybe it might not work for you but I hope that I have given some ideas for options!

I've put her down in her cot for every nap today. She's not lasted more than 45 minutes and then wanted to nurse again as she was still tired. Nothing else works, I'm at a complete loss. If I want to put her in her cot I have to put her in already asleep

It has me. Daytime naps are in the cot, but I need to ditch the suckle on the sofa when he wakes early. He starts in the cot at night, but DH has been enlisted to go in if (when) he wakes 2 hours after going down, wanting a feed.

I also gave him a Weetabix mid afternoon so I can be comfortable he does not need feeding more often than three hourly. (when I debate caving at two am)

That's a start though, Frank.

Does it still count if she doesn't know she's going in? Thanks for the support, it is appreciated.

Yes it's better if she's awake and knows she's falling asleep in her cot, but maybe you aren't there yet. Think baby steps, and maybe this weeks objective is just to get her having some experience of being regularly in the cot.

The only way I cracked it when DS2's night wakings were getting worse and worse was to do gentle sleep training, starting with bedtime. I did pick up put down which has worked with both mine.

So I fed but didn't let him fall asleep,and put him down in the cot awake. The first few nights took forever, and then it started getting better. It also took care of a lot of night wakings as it broke the sleep/boob association.

I found trying to tackle naps or wake ups first really counterproductive - it was getting the first nighttime falling asleep right that cracked it.