What to say to pregnant person who says she wants to b/f BUT...

[Pruni]

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I agree Fio. I guess there must be some really pushy ones but I certainly never felt any pressure to do anything (but that's probably more to do with my 'I'll do what I damn like thank you' attitude )

It doesn't sound as if there is much you can do Pruni and I think you should just leave it too. There might be all sorts of reasons she's feeling like this right now - hormones raging, fear of the birth, fear of what's going to happen afterwards etc etc.

I don't think there is much you can do now without seeming like one of the people she is referring to. Just let it lie, and be there for her when the baby has arrived and she's perhaps actually trying it - she might be more receptive to any help then.

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I agree it does depend on who you see - MW's, like anyone, all have their own opinions on bf-ing. Obviously the one I mentioned below was v. pro bf-ing and there were definitely more that were VERY pro (as you'd expect). I was in hospital quite a while (IUGR, C-sec, high bp) and struggled to bf, hadn't slept for about 5 nights (was in being induced) and one night I said to give dd formula in the night and the mw on duty that night kept waking me up to tell me try and bf, despite what I'd said and virtually took my top up whilst I have half asleep and laid dd next to me and tried to get her to feed. That was pretty scary and I wasn't really in the right mind to argue.

Clearly she was trying to support me in trying to bf so I have no issues with this, but it just shows there are some pretty determined ones out there that don't even take no for an answer.

I did meet others though that were more of the 'do what you want' frame of mind.

I know that i'm probably going to cause some people to disagree with me, but i really wasnt sure at the beginning about bf, and the more i saw the HV the more i didnt want to. I felt really pressurised into doing it not only by the HV, but magazines, leaflets, family and friends.
At the end of my pregnancy i decided i would give it a go when the lo showed up, however as it transpired i had an awful labour (6 days) and eventually a CS. When they asked me to bf i burst into tears and said i couldnt do it - and i didnt. My DS was FF from day one.
The next day in the hosp there was a young girl in tears in the next bed who asked me why 'i could get away with not bf'. I just explained that i made it clear i didnt want to. She then explianed that she had said the same thing yet they told her she HAD to try and not give up. To see a woman sat in tears begging for some formula was heartreaking and i feel sorry for pregnant woman like me having reasons for not wanting to bf.
I think its a personal choice.

And just to finish (sorry) - i DO feel bad about NOT bf because of the things i see on here and in mag's and hope that my DS grows to be a healthy and happy boy.

This is just my opinion so please dont shout

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Hmm, I do think a lot of the pressure is counterproductive. I think providing the basic information is good, but pressure just gets people's backs up.

Obviously, a lot of the 'pressure' is down to individual midwives, not a concerted NHS plan.

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Hmm, I would probably take the 'one day at a time' line.

My experience is different from yours - I had a hard time with BF with DS1, at first, but went on to feed for 18 months. DS2 had obviously seen the 'bf for fun and profit' video before birth, and was better at it.

Hmm, maybe a bit of wistful 'gosh I wish I'd known the available support before I had the baby' would have helped? There is so much strange information to collect. For example, we live in a BFN network, so you can call the other three organisations all you like, but if you want the bfc who lives across the street, it's got to be BFN.

I think that you are being a very good friend, but you need to lay off the subject now.

She has said that she is informed and wants to bf exclussively for 6 months. It sounds like she's put off by the earth mother/lentil weaving aspect of parenting and is associating it with bf. I think it's asking a lot to expect her to be excited and looking forward to bf - I certainly wasn't and I've done it with three babies in three years. Certain phrases made me shudder when I was pg the first time - lactating - being one. When the baby arrives, it all just slots into place.

I think I'd hold on to your support for when she asks for it.

Yeah, Glassofwine has a point. I certainly wouldn't raise the bf issue now, but respond calmly if she does ...

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I'd say she very definitely doesn't want to breastfeed. She knows it would be best but is surrounding herself with 'excuses' for if she fails.

I'd leave the counselling bit alone and just be there if she needs you.