TikTok or other bf experts - I have been told you know the antidote to my dilemma!!!!!

[cruisemum1]

My beautious ds (23weeks) will not go to sleep at bedtime without my breast wedged firmly in his mouth. I love bf but am weaning from it because of this attachment/association. My problem is not so much the bf to sleep but the fact that when he goes in his cot and realises that Mummy isn't there boob an all, he cries until I rescue him. This can go on for 2 hours which is problematic as I have a 9 yo dd who needs me in the evenigns and at bedtime . He does not settle in his cot for any naps/sleeps despite my trying on numerous occasions. Your help/advice is sooooooo needed. As the end of my tether is nigh....

Would he settle in a ring sling while you do things with your dd?

Hi, I'm not an expert at all but had the same problem with my dd and managed to solve it. We used the pick up/put down technique in The Baby Whisperer Solves all Your Problems and it worked brilliantly though we had to persevere for a while - she now goes down without a murmur for day and night sleeps which I would NEVER have thought was possible! Good luck

cruise....so this is what's happening: your baby has you up and down like the proverbial tart's knickers/yoyo for two hours every evening when you (quite understandably) would rather sit on the sofa/ help dd with homework/watch TV/eat a meal, and instead you have the baby either in your arms or crying in the cot, with maybe 5 minute gaps where you are waiting for him to cry, so relaxing is not an option.

He is too young for 'sleep training' (unless you are prepared for him, and you, to go through some distress) and in any case this behaviour (wanting to be near you, wanting to fall asleep on the breast) is normal for a baby of this age....he doesn't know he is in the 21st century where this is a bit of an issue

So......one option which might make life easier for you is to accept your baby needs you, and keep him close in whatever sling you find most comfortable for this. Bring in reinforcements if you can, in the shape of another body who will wear the sling (baby's dad, if around) and the baby may well tolerate a 'sub'.

After a few more months, either he will have changed his behaviour all by himself, or you will find it easier and less distressing to teach him.

Just an idea

Have you tried those swinging seats? I only ask becasue mine (older 2) were 13 months a part and a swinging seat sasved my sanity (Ds2 would only settle on breast as well).

I know its uncool but you know, a dummy at bedtime only wouldn't really hurt and if it keeps BF going....... you could combine that with an expressed bottle at bedtime so that the association is completely broken and becomes mroe manageable?

dd4 was fed to sleep up to about 6 months, she gradually started sleeping for naps without he breas and eventually would fall asleep without it at night too.

I would agree it's probably much easier on you to do the other evening things with him near you or dh.
Ds1 is 11 weeks and will only nap on dh or in his vibrating chair

oh lovely - some baby friendly responses! will get back later. thank you all

I used to bf ds to sleep and then pop his dummy in. He didn't seem to then notice that boob wasn't there anymore. I know a lot of people don't like dummies, but he still only has his for the few minutes after he nods off when it falls out. It may be a short term solution to get you through this stage

thanks again. ds is not bf to sleep in the day but has to be pushed/driven and will not sleep in his cot for naps (he screams!)
tiktok - you have my evenings down to a tee! i did try the cc thing twice but i found is so distressing it affected my morale for days so i don't think i could do that, well not yet anyway.
abracadabra - I have read bw but when I tried the pu/pd thing ds got so cranked up and upset that we had to abandon it. . He is not the sort of baby who just gives in. How long did it take you and how old was your lo? Was your problem re: settling the same as mine? I may have to do the bw thing again at a later date so I am curious.
Peachy and shoppingbags - I have bought virtually every dummy on the market. ds will not take one! He just chews on them and doesn't seem to realise they are for sucking. I had one with dd and it was an absolute Godsend - but for ds...? not the case!
Magnolia - love the idea that ds will jsut grow out of it . I guess that is what I am hoping for. Do you think it is developmental or did you actively discourage the bf to sleep association?

magnolia - how many children do you have?!

I have 5 children. Wih dd4 I didn't encourage her to stop he feeds and she did have an evening feed but started to go to sleep while awake rather than straight from breast to bed.

I am hoping ds1 will be the same although at the moment only the breast will do BUT dh gave him some expressed while I was out this morning and he fell asleep on him

magnolia - you clever thing! 5 and still time for Mumsnet!!!!!

Hi Cruisemum

I always feed my DS to sleep (I just find it easiest way!). He is now 11 months and since xmas I have started to put him down after bf but still awake and then I stroke his head untill he falls asleep.

This seems kinder than CC - first few times it did take a while.... but now he seems to understand and works quite quickly (or he lies calmly while I leave the room and nods off without any crying).

that works for me - obviously all babes are different

h2h - sounds like what i am wishimg for! i stroke ds's head/face at bedtime feed and hope that will take place of bf when i eventually stop