I want to breastfeed my toddler again

[Grakerstreet]

DD is 2. DS is 4mo. I stopped BF-big DD at 12 months because I was ill. I am currently EBF-Ing DS around the clock.

I was v ill again after birth of DS and got separated from him and DD. Since the separation I have had to BF DS very frequently to keep the milk coming.

As a result I am always with DS and I feel I lost my close bond with DD throughout my pregnancy and birth of DS and the illness.

Am I mad to want to start BF-ing her again? Just in the evenings or when/if she wants it? Should I try?

If she's interested, go for it. There are some very helpful Facebook groups regarding tandem feeding.

If she wants to, why not?

she wants to being the main point

She hasn't shown any sign that she wants it. Should I try anyway? I feel very embarrassed writing this. I don't want to be doing it for me, I want to be doing it for her.

I don't think there would be any harm in offering, but IME once they have stopped, they don't want to restart.

Why not start by inviting her to cuddle while you are nursing the baby. Explain to her that you are giving the baby milk, and that if she wants some then she may have some. At 2 I'd say you are unlikely to be able to breastfeed her against her wishes.

In fact, would change my wording - once they've stopped, they tend to lose their latch. So she might not be able to do it anyway.

She's 2? Just ask her? Is she there when you feed DS? Straight after would be the ideal time i'd have thought?
But also, don't feel bad that you stopped, bad if she doesn't want to, bad that you spent some time away or bad that your attention is shared. What she has lost in 1 on 1 attention from you she has gained in the addition of a new family member.
If she doesn't want to BFF you can involve her in other ways. Could she get a book and cuddle up and have a story whilst you BF DS?

I'd ask her, f she says no, then leave it.

Sorry not BFF (breastfeed forever? ) just BF!

Sweets101 you've hit the nail on the head.

I feel guilty for stopping, especially now all I am doing is feeding DS. That's all she sees me doing all the time. And there is a distance between her and I since I was ill and I had DS. Also my family cared for her while I was ill and I have lost that unique bond.

I just thought I might try now that my milk is in for DS..

Ugh, it's such an emotional thing for me, I don't know why

You haven't lost that unique bond, I promise. It's actually probably more common than you think to feel a kind of "loss" when your second child is born about the relationship with your first - I've definitely read about this before. This was the only thing I could find at short notice though (sorry, it's old.)

www.parentmap.com/article/new-baby-may-evoke-feelings-of-loss

(Just found this one, too: www.scarymommy.com/firstborn-miss-us/)

What you're experiencing is a transition, not a loss. Yes, you'll never be only your DD's mummy ever again but that's okay. She's also not a little baby any more so you're building a different relationship with her now as a toddler. And then as a little girl, and then a big girl. The relationship will change over and over again but she will always be your first born and your daughter. Nothing and nobody can ever change that.

I think it's supposed to be emotional! Don't worry about that.