Anyone awake? Feel like I'm failing my baby (breastfeeding)

[MiniLop]

My DS2 is 4 days old and I really wanted to EBF this time. With DS1 I BF but had to give formula top ups from a couple of days old until he was a few weeks old.
We've got this far with DS2 and I really thought it was going well until today. My milk came in on Wednesday night/Thursday morning. I've been feeding him for hours on end tonight and he's never satisfied. I know cluster feeding is normal but this is something else. He's sucking and sucking but only swallowing every now and again. When he comes off he cries and sucks his fist like he's starving. I know I'm making milk because I can hand express some out. I'm obviously not making enough though.
Ive been in tears all evening. I just don't know what to do or who to talk to about it.

You are doing great. Don't worry about the odd bottle here and there! My strapping 6ft son is testament to the fact that the odd bottle of formula doesn't make too much difference in the long run. I remember feeding him for hours at a time for days on end and resorting to a ff when I just didn't have anything left. I look back on it all with fondness, but remember feeling like it was the worst mothering ever. It will get easier, but ask for help from mw.

It flies when you're not having fun. Try and protect your nipples. Do try and get some Breastfeeding tea next time someone does a shop. Snacks and fluids. . It always took me two weeks to get established and nipples to toughen up.

I know a bf peer supporter in Sussex.I am off to bed now but I could try to contact her tomorrow?

Congratulations on the birth of your little one.
I breastfed both of mine and it felt like I was breast feeding constantly for the first week or so. Make sure baby is attached properly (nose to nipple then they stretch to suckle). He might be suckling for comfort.
As others have suggested wet/soiled nappies indicate that he is feeding.
Keep trying. If you're still struggling contact your health visitor x x x

Thanks everyone. You're all so supportive and reassuring. Had a row with DH, he's gone to the spare room. He wanted me to give him more formula. I feel so alone
He's finally asleep, after a bit more boob. He had 1.5oz formula in the end. I don't know how much they're supposed to have per feed at this age? I.e., how much in his tummy is BM and how much is formula?

Giddy thank you so much. Your kind words mean a lot. I'm in Chichester, West Sussex if that helps? I'm not sure if my latch is ok, especially on my right side. It's still so sore and painful to feed on that side

Going to try and get some sleep now.
Wish me luck...

Just googled baby stomach size. Seems his tummy can take around 1.5oz at the moment. So there was no BM in there at all
Must try to get some sleep now ...

Try not to focus on quantities, it's not a useful thing to know because you just can't know how much breastmilk they take. All the suckling is to build supply as well as to feed.

If the latch doesn't feel right and it's painful I would unlatch him and try again until it feels more comfortable. You could try different positions, there's the rugby ball hold, and laid back nursing too. Has anyone shown you how to stroke your babies mouth with your nipple to encourage a wide open mouth?

Speak I've tried relatching many times, it doesn't help. Tried the rugby ball hold which can be less painful as it's pinching in a different place! Laid back breastfeeding didn't work, he just doesn't know what to do. I'm tickling his nose / upper lip with my nipple to latch him on but he just opens and shuts his mouth like a fish! I don't think he's opening wide enough.

He slept in half hour stints last night so at least I got some sleep. Probably only totalled an hour though.
Midwife today at some point. Hopefully she can help.

Hi minilop many congratulations on your new baby. I am really sorry to read your post, wanted to reassure you with your baby having produced 3soiled and lots of wet nappies in one day, it is a fabulous indicator of a well hydrated baby . Babies do need to feed more frequently at night and that bit of formula, was what you needed to give. Persist with the feeding rugby position as it can be really helpful with getting babies to open their mouths wider, thus getting a better latch. Get your midwife to help but it sounds like you are feeding better than you think

Thanks knaffed that means a lot. Another massive poo this morning so something is definitely going in!
I just feel so disappointed in myself that I had to give him formula. I was so determined not to use it this time around

Another suggestion that you've probably already tried is the exaggerated latch (also called the flipple).

Hopefully the midwife can observe and make some helpful suggestions. She should be able to check for tongue tie too.

No bf advice here as I FF but I just wanted to say, please stop beating yourself up. Constantly telling yourself you're failing is not only not true, but also won't help you feel any better.
A wee bit of formula, no formula, all formula, none of this is bad.
5 days post partum is difficult, please try to cut yourself some slack.

To me it sounds like BF is going just fine, to be honest - it takes a while to get in sync with how much he wants and how much you produce, and how effective he is at suckling. The more he suckles, the more your breasts are stimulated to produce milk. He might just be a grizzly baby too - my second cried a LOT for the first few months. She's grumpy, not hungry!

Ask the midwife to check your latch and advise on positioning. It would be worth asking her to check him for tongue tie too. And to help you explain to your DH why it matters to you to BF.

Remember if wet nappies are coming out, then milk IS going in. It's very different to formula feeding in that you never really know how much they've taken, you just have to trust yourself.

Oh, and night feeding is really important for building supply, so well done you :) Breastfeeding takes a lot of work to establish, and with new baby hormones it is normal to feel a bit overwhelmed. Congratulations on your new baby!

It sounds like you're doing great minilop

We see, within society, ladies BFing and it looks so easy and serene and wonderful little moments shared with baby. The reality is painful latching, sometimes bleeding nipples and the utter frustration that something doesn't seem to be working right, in the beginning at least.

Do seek help from a BFing MW or La Leche League or similar as it sounds like your latch is a little off. Do try not to worry about how much is going in - they digest it really quickly so he'd have space for an 1oz or so of formula within a few minutes of coming of the breast.

If he is having plenty of wet and dirty nappies, you have nothing to worry about. There is nothing wrong with mix feeding but do keep in mind you're still building supply right now so he will as to feed a lot. Have lots of skin to skin contact. Cuddle up in bed for the day if you can with a light blanket over him to keep him warm.

You are doing brilliantly though

My health visitor said 6/8 wet and soiled nappies in 24 hrs. Of this only 2, the size of a £2 coin, need to be soiled. You are doing really well

The formula given is not important, without all the breast milk your baby would be starving, clearly they are not as they are getting what they need from you to keep those nappies busy.

Thanks everyone. Feeling a little better today. Spent a lot of time on the phone to a La Leche League leader talking things through. Also had the midwife round so got some advice from her too. He's lost less than 5% of his birth weight so that's a good sign. She's also arranged for a peer support worker to come and see me tomorrow at home to help me with the latch. It's still really painful on one side.

Fabulous, well done minilop