Anyone successfully bf after DISASTER first time round?

[becaroo]

My question is twofold. My 3.5 yr old ds was born very small, jaundiced and poorly. Tried to bf as that was what everyone seemed to think best. I had no milk. I had electric breast pumps on each breast in hospital and still nothing. Not a drop. The m/w and nurses tried to hand express but all they got was brown fluid tinged with blood. It was agonisingly painful but I kept going till day 4 when he was so floppy and unresponsive that the m/w sent me back into hospital with him. Eventually my milk came in on about day 8 but by this time my ds was in hopsital being fed formula via ng tube. I am trying to get pregnant again and wonder if I should just buy a steriliser and bottles and a load of formula before the baby is even born. (I am not anti formula by the way...it saved my sons life) I would so love to breastfeed even if only for a while but, bearing in mind my last attempt, am I being unrealistic. Thoughts?

Sorry to hear it didn't work out first time. I have been lucky both times but met women at a BF group who struggled the first time but had no difficulties the second time so don't give up hope.
To put your mind at rest, you could research what equipment you would like just in case you have to bottlefeed and leave clear instructions for purchase with your DP/DH before the birth.

Hi, I struggled the first time - dd was early & very sleepy & wouldn't suckle - she was cupfed by the midwives for the first couple of days & they struggled to keep her awake. Never managed to get breastfeeding established properly, although she did eventually latch on, so we managed a couple of months of mixed feeding.

This time round with DS, the only thing I requested in my birthplan was that I wanted him put straight on my breast as soon as he'd been cleaned up & checked over. He fed for an hour straight off & we've never looked back. He's now 7wks & exclusively breastfed. So, nothing like as bad as your first experience, but does show that BF can work second time round even when it wasn't particularly successful for the first child

Good luck!

becaroo - think positive

You had a bad experience the first time, but that doesn't mean you can't breastfeed - tiny, sleepy and particularly jaundiced babies have problems which can make it very tricky in the early days.

When you see her, make sure your midwife knows how keen you are to breastfeed. Ask if there are other breastfeeding groups or mums you could meet up with in your area. That sort of support could make a lot of difference to your confidence. It helps to have more information at your fingertips for when you have a question and other mothers who have successfully breastfed can do wonders for your morale - go for it!

My sister struggled with breastfeeding first time and ended up in hospital with her dd (nothing serious). Second time she had no problems at all. She had quite a bit of support (La Leche etc) first time so I don't think it was a technique thing, but my neice's birth was quite traumatic (for my sister) and I wonder if that had some effect. Second time around she had a very empowering home birth, and fed easily from the start. I don't think you should worry too much about getting lots of kit, you could always get a small amount of disposable type bottles (not sure if these still exist - my youngest is now 6) and ready made formula. That was you have an emergency supply just in case to reduce yor possible stress levels, but don't make any great outlay.

becaroo....I think all those hp's hadn't had a clue, get yourself sorted with people who do have a clue and can support you efficiently!
Best to read some good books and website...Kellymom, LLL....LLL has a booklist, too, I think!
Also getting local support sorted...NCT?ABM?LLL? Breastfeeding cafe...they all have websites with their numbers, or there are threads that have all the numbers on them....
Bf, can work out, no matter how badly it went last time...have 3 very different bf stories to tell myself...sometimes it's more difficult then other times, but it doesn't mean anyhting, as bf is not only different for each woman, but different for each woman Baby combination!

Thank you for your posts....I am just so scared of the same thing happening again. The HV has told me that because of my ds health problems I will be monitored very closely, but I am still quite angry and upset at the lack of care my ds received, both ante and post natally. I cannot look back on his first year with anything other than a shudder and a grimace. It shouldnt be like that, should it? Also, my mum and mil were both very anti bf (both of them bottle fed all their children) and so got no support at all really. My M/W and HV were useless. My dh has asked if I will try again and I have said I might. Very confused about a few things though....My diet is not great as I have IBS with the associated gastric problems. Will this prevent me from making good milk? If I am ill while bf, could I pass the illness on to the baby? Is there anything I can do to make sure I actually have some milk next time? Sorry, this is turning into a long post but MumsNetters seem to know everything, so here's hoping!....

Firstly here all the support groups/websites and numbers:
Association of Breastfeeding Mothers
www.abm.me.uk
Helpline: 0870 401 7711
Offers voluntary mother-to-mother support, counselling and information for breastfeeding women. Helpline open from 9.30am to 10.30pm

NCT Breastfeeding helpline
Breastfeeding Line: 0870 444 8708
The National Childbirth Trust has trained breastfeeding counsellors who can offer individual advice and support

La Leche League
www.laleche.org.uk
24hr Helpline: 020 7242 1278
Helpline offering advice and information on breastfeeding, plus local group meetings.

Breastfeeding Network
www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk
Helpline: 0870 9008787
Offers free, confidential telephone information on breastfeeding and one-to-one local support.

What you eat/drink won't effect the quality of milk (afterall, severely undernourished 3. world women can bf succesfully).
Esepcially as you mention that you don't have the support from home (mother mil) I think you should get into contact with a Breastfeeding support group now , so, that by the time your Bubba is there you will know the people that can help you, etc...!

I had to work at it Becaroo. BF for 3 weeks with dd1, for just over a year with dd2 but with nipple sheilds the whole time, then for just over a year with dd3 but had awful ductal thrush (but luckily excellent support from HVs and one of my GPs).

Sounds like you need to speak to an expert who might be able to explain WHY you had the problems you had. If i were you, I'd be looking for answers now, as to maybe why it took so long for your milk to come in etc so that you can prepare yourself before another baby comes along. There's nothing like understanding why - it might help complete the picture for you, regardless of whether you decide to BF or FF future LOs.

do you know if you had lost a lot of blood giving birth, /were very anaeminc? That can sometimes be the reason that the milk takes a bit longer to come in...I certainly know it took longer for me the 3. time, as I had lost more blood and had a C-section...!
Another reason that can medically cause a problem is underactive thyroid, and it is not uncommon to devellope that when pg or after, if I remember right.
Also, jaundiced Babys often are more tired and therefore don't wake up as often looking for food, hence the stimulation is less, vicious circle.
BUt definately seek professional advice and maybe your m/w could go through your notes with you, and can pin point the possible problem, etc...

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3Love...I had a normal delivery but I bled for about 3 months afterwards. He was born in June and I didnt have a period till November. My GP said this was normal (contrary to everything I had read) I did ask to see my notes some time after but apparently they got "lost"......
Will get in touch with one of the organisations you posted...thank you everyone.

yes! typing w/ one hand so brief but meet your local b/f counsellor before birth and again asap after. so much better 2nd time, still hard for first 4-6 weeks but great after that. was more scared of b/f than birth

I know what you mean Lio! Will do that. thanks.

3love...just to let you know, have been in touch with LLL and they were very helpful. Thank you

Hi Cali, yes I felt exactly the same as you, knew how I could mentally approach the birth, but was in bits at the prospect of b/f again.

becaroo, Cali is the best at pom-poms but I will be bringing up the rear (and what a rear - many cakes have gone into making me the woman I am today )

glad LLL were helpful

Cali and lio...you have really made me chuckle. Think I may be slightly mad as I am not even pregnant yet and already worrying mmyself silly. I have a feeling I will need all the pom pom wavers I can get !!

Hi Becaroo

I struggled with DS1 for a couple of months - slow weight gain, not latching on properly - he used to come off the breast screaming and looking at me as if to say 'what do you want me to DO??'. Miserable. Tried everything - BF support groups, parentcraft at the hospital, cranial osteopathy, you name it, but eventually gave up and now have v happy, formula-fed little boy. DS2 (both born by CS) immediately latched on and has been a great feeder ever since. I think part of the reason was that although I really wanted to BF ds2, I decided not to beat myself up about it if it didn't work. First few days I couldn't believe he was actually putting on weight, but have now relaxed a bit and so happy that it's working out (he's a month old). But I think the key is to remember that you're not anti-formula. If it happens, it happens, the important thing is that you have a healthy, happy child.

Good luck!

Becaroo, actually it's great that you are planning ahead, knowledge is power, there is some great, truely good books, that ou mihgt be able to read thorugh, before you are to tired to do anyhting, because you are pg or have a newborn
here some LLL book that I am sure you can actually trust
It's sometimes, especially if you maybe unexperienced, so difficult to weed out the good and the bad advice...I mean some authors may claim that they are pro bf etc...but the advice they give can be harmful to the bf relationship!

Thanks again for all your help