4 day old DS and struggling feeding

[Aliveinwanderland]

DS is 4 days old (well 5 I guess now as it's after midnight). We are breastfeeding but I'm struggling now and don't know what to do.

We saw a feeding counsellor at day 2 who said his latch was good and gave some general advice about holds. She is coming back next week on what will be day 8.

During the day DS will feed every 2 hours and will fall asleep on the breast. Once asleep he is able to be passed to other people for cuddles but difficult to put down anywhere. Feeding is uncomfortable but not overly painful for me.

However at night it's a totally different story. He wants to feed constantly. He would literally spend the whole night sucking on me and I'm so sore. He will fall asleep feeding like in the day but cannot be moved or passed to anyone else or he will stir and demand feeding again. Feeding him is incredibly painful and I can't sleep at all over night because of being unable to put him down.

He hasn't poo'd in 24 hours so need to ring the midwife in the morning for some advice. I feel like I'm failing him. I really want to be able to breastfeed him but I just can't stand the pain at night time with it.

30 mins is good! Their tummies are only tiny at this age remember. If it's too painful then of course unlatch him once he's asleep. In time your nipples will get used to the suckling and it won't be sore. It's agony feeding with sore nipples I remember it well. As well as the cream, give your nipples some air between feeds if you can.

They sleep lots in the early days (remembers fondly). The light sucking during sleep is called flutter sucking I think. Once ds is lump and in a deep sleep try to gently break the latch with your finger. You can keep your finger in his mouth for a moment and then gently remove it to (hopefully) stop him waking. Then you can place him down somewhere. Maybe use a worn t shirt of yours as a sheet. Place him down very gently keeping your body against his until he's down. Then slowly remove your hands and move away. If he stirs her dp to rock him while you go and sleep/drink tea and eat flapjacks in bed.
A gp said to me 'if you've just fed, she's not hungry' and it helped me to stop using the breast as a cure-all and to let dp do some of the settling. He wasn't confident at first and after 5 mins would say 'I think she's hungry' but if you've just fed and you're confident it was a good feed (good sucking pattern, could hear swallowing) then he wants your for comfort.
I don't believe there's anything wrong with nursing for comfort but you really do need rest so right now your job is to feed your son and rest/eat well. Dp can do everything else :)

Another thing to look fog is when they're actively feeding their temples move.

Thank you everyone! You have all been so helpful!

He is a lot more alert today. Took him for a walk and he stayed awake just looking at things and has had 15 minutes in his chair watching the lights in room. Hoping this will help him sleep better tonight!

Done lots of tummy rubs and leg cycles but no poo yet!

How has it been today OP?

We finally got poo around 2:30pm. Feeding has been much more comfortable today and I've managed every 2 hours so far without it hurting too much.

Same story at night though. Feeds to sleep, would sleep for 2 hours if left laid on me but as soon as he is laid in crib he stirs and wakes up and then usually needs to suckle to drop off again. The only place I can put him to sleep is on a poddlepod but then they are only meant to be used supervised so I shouldn't go to sleep myself.

I dropped off earlier for an hour with him in it and felt so guilty but I don't know how to keep myself awake!

DD2 is getting a little better at being put down at night now and she is 12 days old. Stick with it OP. Also, I co-slept a lot last week. I also put the poddle pod in her cot the last few nights (tonight she's just in the cot). They say not to use unsupervised to cover themselves. I barely slept during my first month with DD1 and I just can't do that this time. I need to sleep. You need to sleep. Do whatever you have tk do in order to sleep!

Well done on the feeding front. DD2 feeds constantly but it hasn't hurt for a few days. You're a week behind me so you are nearly there! The first week really is a kick in the teeth for a new mum after everything you've already gone through but it's about to get easier.

OP DS1 didn't poo for a week as a newborn so don't worry.

Newborns boost your supply by feeding at night - it's completely normal. It sounds like you're doing a great job.

Enjoy your DS

PS DS2 has a sidecar crib so that Co-sleeping is a bit easier. I believe that co-sleeping is essential to establishing a good supply and getting some shut-eye!

Glad things improved yesterday. I've never used a poddle pod so not sure of the ins and outs but for peace of mind while you sleep you could use a breathing monitor that clips to the front of his nappy (snuza hero). I had one for dd when she was having breathing issues in the first few weeks, they're very good and really eased my anxiety. You need your sleep!

Another thing you could try is making the crib cosier and more inviting. I folded a blanket under the sheet in our Moses basket as it was quite a hard mattress.

Both these things together may make sleeping easier for you and ds.

BTW co-sleeping is not always essential for establishing a good supply AND getting enough sleep. I never co-slept with my first and he was ebf for the first six months and our bf relationship lasted over two and a half years. All babies are different though of course

I just wanted to say that if you feel that breastfeeding isn't working for you, there is no shame in combination feeding or even going exclusively onto the bottle. I exclusively BF for the first 4 months and it was hard, so very very hard. He wouldn't be put down, he never slept during the day, cried constantly and although he was marginally better at night, although I co- slept (through sheer exhaustion) I found the whole experience completely overwhelming and emotionally draining.

At 4 months I was at the end of the road both mentally and physically. I remember going to see the HV to have him weighed and his weight had plateaued. I stood there exhausted and crying, he was screaming and yet she still told me to continue BF. I left with an intense feeling of guilt that I 'should' but knew that I just couldn't for both our sakes. That day, I bought my first tin of formula and we never looked back, our lives completely changed. He was content, he slept, he was in a routine. He is now 18 months and a very healthy, happy little chap.

I know that it's very early days for you and you are doing a brilliant job but I'm sure you will feel intense pressure to continue BF, both personally and from healthcare professionals. Whilst it's fantastic if it works well (for both you and baby!) it's not always the best course of action. Please do bare that in mind over the coming weeks/months.

Thank you everyone. Before he was born I wasn't precious about breastfeeding at all and has the attitude that if it didn't work I was more than happy with formula. But now that he is here I feel an overwhelming instinct to feed him myself. I do agree though that if it isn't working for us both we will swap to formula.

He has a snuzpod crib which is what we can't get him to go down in. I think he hates how hard and cool it feels after being cuddled up for a feed.

Last night he did 2 hours on his poddlepod and then I had him laid next to me but on my arm for 2 hours. I tried to stay awake but will have dozed on and off. Then then did the same with DH and did 2 hours laid with him while I got sleep. DH won't go to sleep Himself with him like that but it allows me to have a nap while he has him.

I know exactly how you feel. Before he was born I said I'd give BF a go and if it didn't work that I would have no problem bottle feeding. The reality was somewhat different! Actually the first month wasn't too bad but it got progressively worse and I too had the same powerful feelings that I should be BF at all costs.

Re his sleeping, we bought a sleepyhead pod and it was great, he did settle better in that. He point blank refused to go in a Moses basket, chair or bedside crib!

I heat DD2's cot with a hot water bottle while I get her changed and fed before bed. If she goes down in her cot at the start of the night she seems more inclined to go back in it after feeds through the night. I also wrap her in a fleece blanket up to under her arms so that she stays toasty isn't going back into a cold cot. I didn't use fleece blankets or loose covers in general with DD1 and was very much a "by the book" mum but I'm putting my sanity relatively high on the list this time. I have an AngelCare monitor which monitors breathing so that helps.

Well last night we did 3 hours in bed next to me and another 3 on his poddle pod. He had a feed at 7am and is still asleep in bed again next to me now! Everything I know I shouldn't do but I was so desperate for sleep I was nodding off while sat up feeding him.

I tried his crib several times but each time he is laid totally flat on the harder surface after a feed he was getting hiccups and obviously in pain. He was writhing about arching his back and really upset. He feeds laid across me on his front and has to stay like this for a good 30 mins before I put him next to next to me in bed to avoid the hiccups drama!

It sounds like you're doing really well. It feels like forever at the time when you're going through it, but the first weeks really do fly by and you'll look back and laugh (eventually!)
Do you have any family/close friends for support? My mum was so helpful in the early weeks, she would come over and sit with dd while I slept. Sometimes I would express a bottle for her so I could get a good few hours.
Have you tried putting a thick blanket underneath the sheet in the cot? Can't remember if you said which cot you have but we have the chicco next2me and it's been great. I don't think it's been designed to do this but you can rock it back and forth which is great. So when I feed dd and she inevitably wakes up when she goes back in the cot I can just gently rock her until she drifts back off. Also if you can feed lying down on your side, you can just roll and (if boob size permits) get one boob in the cot and feed without having to get up and then you don't need to worry about falling asleep :)
Well done for getting this far! Keep hydrated, eat well and sleep whenever you can :)

Well done on getting some sleep I bet that felt good!

Prop the head end of the crib up on a book or something, this will help with wind (also handy if he ever gets a cold), and put a blanket under the sheet so the mattress doesn't feel so hard. I also found hooking a muslin or comforter toy between his arm and body gave baby something to 'hold on to' so felt more secure.

If he's getting hiccups you'd do well to hold him upright against you for a good 10/15 minutes after each feed before laying him down.

Just to say for sore nipples breast milk is also great to put on them, really helps with healing.

Sounds like everything is going really well. It's worth reading up on safe co-sleeping positions and advice, in case you need to do it at times, no blankets etc.

Well done for getting some sleep! You need to keep your sleep high on the priority list. I didn't do that with my first and we all suffered for it. As long as baby is fed, clean and warm then you are next.

Thank you everyone.

Ive ordered a snuza hero to try and see if it reassures me a little when I've had to let him self on the poddle pod.

We've just had another first milestone- first explosive poo! Who knew it could go so far!

Oh lovely, I hope the hero helps you OP.

Explosive poop is quite amazing. We called ds a 'poo gun' when he was little

I haven't read the whole thread yet but wanted to say I completely sympathise. It sounds like you are doing great though.
Have you checked for tongue tie?
My ds is 11 weeks now and we're using nipple shields as it's too painful without. He had a tt which was snipped at 2 weeks but in the rare times he managed to latch on without it it's still shallow and painful so we're stuck with them... which isn't too much of an issue.

I felt exactly the same as you, I always said to myself if bf doesn't work out then formula is fine (I was ff, and really not bothered about it) but once ds was born it absolutely broke my heart that I found it so difficult and painful... TBH I'm still not enjoying it but taking it one day at a time.

I hope it all gets easier for you soon xx

Oh I also meant to say that we combi feed- dp gives him 1 bottle of formula at around 9 while I get some sleep in spare room, then dp wakes me for the night feeds- we co sleep while dp moves to the spare room. He then gives him another ff in the morning whenever ds wakes up between 6.30-8.

So no harm in mix feeding to give yourself a break!

We have managed to keep going with it so far. The left side isn't too bad but the right has got very painful so I've expressed from that side tonight as that's less painful than him feeding from it. Last night he fed often and today he has been grizzly and unsettled all afternoon and wanted to feed every hour.

Was meant to have the feeding advisor back today but she didn't turn up so will ring tomorrow and see if she can come and see us.

The last 2 days he seems to have found it harder to latch on. He turns his head the wrong way or tries to suck the nipple end like a straw instead of opening his mouth properly. Takes a good few minutes to get him on comfortably. Dreading having to feed him on public anytime soon as I have to sit with my boob out while he bobs back and forwards attempting to get on.