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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

I think my problem is I'm jealous and full of guilt!

5 replies

LowFatMilkshake · 08/02/2007 14:12

Okay so firstly I am posting this after I posted on another BF thread without reading the whole thing (not my fault, I had a slow connection and it was'nt all visible - unbeknown to me) and was rightfully chastised.

But what I wrote on the thread, and the comments of others before and afterwards got me thinking about my views on breastfeeding.

I could not breastfeed my DD(3). I tried so hard because I wanted to so much, but after 4 days she was admitted to Special Care as she was literally starving - I was starving her. While in SCBU I was given an electric pump to express for her and even the nurses were perplaxed when nothing more than about half an oz appeared after 30 minutes. In total I managed to give my daugther about 2oz of EBM. My MIL blamed me for ging into SCBU saying I should'nt have tried to BF - like I knew.

With my DS (8wks) I so wanted things to be different and started trying to express in the week before he was due to get a supply going....alas again not to be. I tried for 2 days after he was born, but had a constantly screaming child unless I offered the bottle - and mindful of the last time I was more than prepared to do that. I kept trying to express, but to no avail and all I could produce in 3 weeks of expressing (including each time I put him to the breast trying to express afterwards) was 3 oz - all of which he got.

My mum could'nt BF me, and last week I was speaking to an aunt (mums sister)and she said she could'nt BF and niether could her DD, so I am now thinkning it's a family thing. But it has'nt stoped me feeling inadequate as a mother because could'nt do it.

I would loved to have BF my children for thier health and for mine in terms of preventing cancer - which mum died of 2 years ago. I would love to experience the closeness my friends talk of and understand the sadness they have felt when they stopped - but for me it will never happen.

So when I see threads about people getting a hard time for using a bottle (regardless of the content EBM or formula) I get rather cross, and this is what I did on the other thread - all guns blazing sort of thing.

Since being able to read the full thread I have seen people were full of support for the original poster - as was I when I read the opener, but I just got a bit defensive.

I guess what I am trying to say is all those in favour of die-hard BF , please bear my tale in mind when see someone using a bottle. And I in turn apologise for all those showing support who got the sharp end of my keyboard!

OP posts:
kittypants · 08/02/2007 14:19

didnt see your other post but youve nothing to feel guilty or jealous of.i to 'failed' bf after 5 or 6 weeks but i had a go.like you my lo was poorly so ,hes better thats all that matters.

LowFatMilkshake · 08/02/2007 16:33

Thanks Kitty -

Theonly person who supported me this time round apart from DH was themidwife I had gone through it all with before.

A new MW to the community rounds spent half an hour sat onmy bed teling me I must be doing something wrong - when she left my house I was in tears and feeling like I was harming my child by giving him formula!

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kittypants · 08/02/2007 16:35

i tried expressing milk as ds couldnt latch on but after 5 weeks ,hv said not to bother!!gggrr.
poor you.i think so long as youre happy and babys happy it doesnt matter,you shouldnt be made to feel bad.

Jessajam · 08/02/2007 16:39

I'd say jealous and full of guilt about sums up most women's feelings when they "fail" to breastfeed...it certainly was how I felt...and I didn't even have the excuse of an ill baby...and when people are being pro-breastfeeding all around you, you just sit there thinking "I know ALL this, I know I should have breast fed, but I still haven't managed it, so I feel like a crap mum, even though no one has actually said that..."

Well done LowFatMilkshake for having the courage to admit having a "moment" !!

I use too many ... 's sorry!

LowFatMilkshake · 08/02/2007 16:43

Jessa - Have never said sorry - but I do find my self explaining the whole story each time I am questioned.

Like you say we know breast is best....but then again, I think mother knows best is a beter statement in our cases, as now we know what we will do to make sur our children are happy health and content!

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