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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

OMG, you'd think I was feeding my 3 week old fruit shoots and cheeese strings by the reaction I got a playgroup this morning.....

95 replies

LadyTophamHatt · 07/02/2007 13:16

beacuse I was giving him a bottle.....

I actually heard myslef justifying it over and over and pointing out about 2000 times that actually the bottle was full of EBM.

FFS the BF mafia has followed me to east sussex....

Honestly, the looks I got were shocking.....and I was embarrassed to be sitting there feeding him wih a bottle.
Yes, Embarrassed....WTF!!!

OP posts:
snig · 07/02/2007 13:40

tell them its normal cows milk in the bottle amd that breastfeeding was too much trouble and you just couldn't be assed anymore

VeniVidiVickiQV · 07/02/2007 13:42

LTH, its not your job to put these women in their place, but, I think you might enjoy it....

Practise a lovely comeback for next time, along the lines of, "So what if I had stopped? Would I have to give you the whole sorry story of how tough its been for me but how much I wanted to do it and feel a failure, in order for you to approve? Well, I havent stopped, I'm expressing 8 times a day, and putting far more effort into feeding my baby b/milk than you are, or could possibly imagine."

OR, you could simply say, "I'm feeding my baby Yak's milk because he has a breast milk intolerance"

TeeCee · 07/02/2007 13:42

LTH - oh sod em, silly mares.
You know you're doing the right thing.

I do know what you mean though. When I gave DD2 a bottle of expressed milk I felt like hanging a sign round my neck saying

"nothing to see here, it's boob in a bottle, step away from the baby, step away"

Hmmmm, not a bad idea, Dragons Den here I come!

Rhubarb · 07/02/2007 13:43

Oi you lot! Come and feel sorry for ME

Sorry LTH, but I need help! Tell 'em it's the only way he'll take his ritalin anyway!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 07/02/2007 13:43

oh god yes express milk right there in front of them all .

snig · 07/02/2007 13:44

'boob in a bottle' bottles fantastic idea

tiktok · 07/02/2007 13:46

'Feeding him yourself' is an English expression for 'breastfeeding' ...it is just an expression, and my mother, grandmothers and aunts use it all the time. It's maybe a bit old-fashioned, but it exists.

Both comments made to you are a little insensitive, at the very worst, and you say yourself they were said in a 'nice' way. Not everyone knows about being sensitive. To call these women the bf 'mafia' - when you know this is one of the words disliked on mumsnet - is unfair.

The looks you got - I think your interpretation of hostility could well come from your head, LTH, seriously.

The 'blanking' people may get when they hear someone is bottle feeding maybe because people don't know what to say - they don't want to say anything in case it's a sore point (and it sometimes is).

Of course anyone should be able to breast or bottle feed anywhere without worrying about it - and we should all be sensitive to what other people might be feeling about it. But at times it's possible to be over-sensitive...doncha think?

Be honest, would you have still felt embarrassed if no one had said anything? If the answer is 'yes' then the feelings come from inside you and not from an imaginery mafia

snig · 07/02/2007 13:46

or you could tell them your dog had a bit of milk left over after feeding her puppies. waste not want not...

spina · 07/02/2007 13:49

i b/f 5wk old lo in the lobby area of a local restaurant while waiting for my dh and dsister to turn up on sat night and i too got some looks from the slightly merry 20 something boys picking up their take away biryanis!!! dif looks though.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 07/02/2007 13:52

AH, I beat you spina....I b/fed my 21 month old in a catholic church during a christening

determination · 07/02/2007 13:54

PMSL

Rhubarb · 07/02/2007 13:58

I fed my ds in a catholic church too, everyone was lovely though. Thought it was pushing it to go to communion like that however!

BassMama · 07/02/2007 14:05

Thats awful! what a bunch of self righteous bitches!

I was once in John Lewis in the changing/feeding area feeding my DS. I bottle feb him as I tried BF for 5 days but something was wrong - it wasnt working and so he basically ate nothing for the first 5 days, midwife said get him some formula, my mother had the same problem with me as a baby.. anyway, back to the story..

So i'm in John Lewis feeding my son his perfectly good, nutritious formula. A woman came over and sat beside me, her DS wasn't even being fed she was there to change his nappy.

She sat beside me and started to lecture me on Breastfeeding, and why I should be doing it. I tried to explain why I wasnt, and she said I hadn't tried hard enough! She then told me that I was selfish and basically, a bad mother. She then said to another woman, 'people like me' (bottlefeeding mothers? or young parents? i was 22) shouldnt be allowed children!!!!!

I was so upset I cried and went home. DP was FURIOUS when he got home. I was seriously affected by this and felt that i had been publically ridiculed.. I felt unable to go out and meet other mums for fear of what they would think of me. I started staying in a lot. It really affected me in a big way!

Anyway - about 2 months ago I heard a woman on a bus commenting on the sling another woman had her baby in, and that it was bad for the babies back? So i said to her 'comments like that can really upset some people, please keep your opinions to yourself'. I felt good about it but i had to get off the bus i was shaking!

WOW sorry that was a bit long..

Original poster
LadyTophamHatt · 07/02/2007 14:06

ohhhh tiktok...i feel a little told off

is bf mafia a mn no-no then?? didn't know thattbh, always though it was quite amusing...but i didn't get involved in bf/ff threads before.

OP posts:
nogoes · 07/02/2007 14:08

Feeding him yourself. I don't like that expression either my mum uses it as she is too embrassed to say the word breast.

WeaselMum · 07/02/2007 14:15

BassMama

I can't understand what on earth that woman would have got out of upsetting you. Did she also offer you a time machine so you could go back in time and "try harder" with breastfeeding?

No-one's ever challenged me, so I choose to believe no-one cares how I feed my baby. I just get on with it and if anyone ever comments along those lines they will get an earful!

spina · 07/02/2007 14:21

you go girl bass mama. you prob saved someone else months of not feeling confident to go out.

Re: feeding in church i needed to do that once but as we were sitting in the front pew of my mum's first anniversery mass and the whole parish(she was a very popular teacher) was staring at "her oldest one back from England". I refrained from feeding my ds1 "myself". some of the people hadn't seen me since i was 13.

back to the point of thread.. i remember being extra sensitive to what others thought especially with ds1. i think they should make breast milk a totally diff colour to make the situation easier.

is there anything you could eat to change the colour of ebm. lots of smarties perhaps?

spina · 07/02/2007 14:24

whoops. posted the church bit on wrog thread!!!!

tiktok · 07/02/2007 14:27

Sorry, LTH....maybe I was telling you off a teensy weensy little bit

Mafia is on the disliked list, though, I can tell ya!

What's the answer to my question, though? If no one had said anything would you still have felt embarrassed/awkward?

If so, then.......

sazzybee · 07/02/2007 14:31

I'd be tempted to say that I'd had a double mastectomy and was unable to bf if it were me but I'm nasty.

I have to say that as an about to become 1st time mother, the thing that freaks me out most is the way women sit in judgement on one another about the way we care for our children.

It's horrible

NineUnlikelyTales · 07/02/2007 14:31

LTH I exclusively express for similar reasons to you. I often feel that people are watching/judging me when I bottle feed my DS, but 5 months on I have come to the conclusion that most of the time it is all in my head. I even do it at my local LLL meeting, and most of the women there don't know that it is EBM...and noone stares or looks funny or anything.

Be PROUD that you are working 100% harder than either a direct BFer or a FFer. You are doing your best for your DS. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone.

My technique is to go on constantly about how I EE. Probably bores the pants off most people, but at least I feel better!

Nine

wurlywurly · 07/02/2007 14:32

I was told saturday night that only BF children grow up to be good looking.

fannyannie · 07/02/2007 14:36

"I was told saturday night that only BF children grow up to be good looking."

ROFLMAO oh dear so what happened with DS2 of mine then - he's already charming the girls and he's only 3. DS1 (who was breastfed) is a good looker too - but DS2 has that extra 'charm' and twinkle in his eyes

Caligula · 07/02/2007 14:38

Stop going to poncey middle class playgroups then.

wurlywurly · 07/02/2007 14:41

FA one of my nephews friends said this to me and when i explained that i hadnt breastfed(lots of reasons why not) I then asked them if my children where ugly as they wasnt breast fed, and the look of sheer terror on their faces was priceless.