6 months -referred for poor weight gain - I feel cr*p (long, sorry)

[elliott]

Sigh. Ds2 is now just over 6 months and has been on solids since 20 weeks, still bf (about 4-5 times per day), no formula bottles. I'm about to go back to work next week and I'm planning for him to have one bottle and one bf during his nursery day (I've decided not to express as haven't been very successful recently and don't have time to express AND go and feed him).
Anyway. His weight gain has been slow since he was about 8 weeks old, and ground to a halt by the time I started solids (1oz total gain between 16 and 21 weeks). At 21 weeks he'd fallen through enough centiles to merit referral for further investigation, according to the local protocols. Since I'd just started solids, hv agreed to wait a month or so. She came a couple of weeks ago and I was pretty shocked to find that, although he had put some weight on (12oz over 5 weeks) he is still drifting down the chart and is now on the 2nd centile (from 90th at birth and 50th at 8 weeks). So I've agreed to referral to a paediatrician - which hv said would take 6-8 weeks 'since its not urgent'. Needless to say since then I've been on a no holds barred campaign to up his weight....
The appt arrived today - its on Tuesday! I can only imagine that the dr took one look at his growth chart (which I have to admit does look horrendous, taken in isolation) and decided he needs urgent attention!
I feel awful - have I been blase and complacent while ds2 has been horribly neglected? I also feel really embarrassed at the prospect of having to explain and defend what I'm feeding him - I do consider myself pretty well informed on how to feed babies, I put a lot of effort into giving him a good diet, and I feel like I'm going to be told I'm doing it all wrong....
Then of course my other worry is maybe there is something physically wrong? In which case why haven't I spotted it? He's such a calm and happy baby, right from the start he's not demanded a lot of feeding, I've had to take the iniative to offer him feeds. I now feel totally inadequate about my ability to bf - like I've allowed my determination to continue bf to get in the way of his health (although its all been pretty straightforward, I haven't been struggling to feed him or anything)
Sorry for long and rambly message. Not sure what I want people to say, just wanted to say how awful I'm feeling about it, like I can't look after my own baby properly or something.

Eliott, hope it goes ok tomorrow. Let us know won't you?

Thanks everyone for the support. The appt was fine, v nice female doc who gave ds2 a very thorough examination. I'm pleased to report that my 'get fat' campaign has been highly successful - he gained over a pound in the last 2 weeks! So doc says because he's started to catch up, it pretty much rules out an underlying physical problem and I just need to keep an eye on things over the next couple of months.

She wasn't able to answer all my questions (I guess maybe some of them don't have answers) but she was very good at avoiding any kind of 'interrogation' or blame about what and how I've been feeding him. she just said that sometimes children's appetites don't always match their need for calories, esp in the first year when they are growing so quickly, and she explained a bit about the purpose of the growth monitoring service in our area (felt a bit guilty as it was really set up to help deprived malnourished kids to reach their growth and development potential -not that she actually said that in so many words - but I felt I really shouldn't be wasting her time as I'm sure there are kids out there who need help far more than I do!)
I asked why I'd been seen so quickly - basically they try to see the younger babies quite quickly, also she takes most of the summer holiday off and didn't think he could be left until Sept, given that his growth chart (which was all she had to go on) showed a pretty steady and long-standing decline.
So all in all pretty satisfactory result, I'm reassured that I'm on track with ds2 and there isn't an underlying problem, hopefully in a month or two I can stop getting him weighed and forget about it completely
Though of course I'm still a bit puzzled/disappointed that I haven't managed to grow either of my boys very well on breastmilk alone....but then maybe they'd have been the same on the bottle.

Glad you have been reassured, elliot. You have grown your boys as they are meant to have been grown; they are indivduals, not dots on a chart

Oh that's good news elliott!

Excellent news elliot! As usual, tiktok has said what I would have said if I were more eloquent!!

Elliott - as per my last post ds has not gained - he is on a straight line under the 9th percentile and i am very worried. I am giving him butter and cream in his food as per advice from hv. What did you give your ds to make him gain weight?

That's excellent news Elliott and funnily enough my Ds3 put on a pound in 2 weeks after being referred too. Maybe they're just tricking us into worrying ourselves stupid

Grommitt, being a bit cheeky and answering your question too but when our Ds wasn't gaining enough weight I just feed him food that I ABSOLUTLEY knew he would eat and added a dessert after every meal too. It meant that he would only be eating about 3 or 4 different savory meals but it has worked and at our last weigh, in, on friday, he's put on 9oz in 2 weeks and the HV said that fantastic at this age(he's nearly 9 months now). I have also not reduced his milk yet so he has around 30oz per day.

Grommit, sorry you're worried about your ds. Basically my 'get fat' campaign has followed the principle of letting him eat until he doesn't want any more - 2 courses at lunch and dinner, and a big breakfast, whilst also offering him bf whenever I can (usually 5 per day). Its been a bit complicated by him starting nursery where he effectively gets an extra meal but less milk (and the food is probably less calorie rich than I give him).
Today he has had: bf first thing; one weetabix with whole milk and a dollop of dried apricot puree; bf before nap; cod cooked in milk with potatoes and broccoli (no pudding as in a rush to get to appt); bf after appt; tea at nursery (veg puree and fruit puree); seemed starving when I picked him up so bf before supper; supper of two tablespoons small pasta plus cheese sauce and broccoli; still starving so large dollop of packet meusli made up with about 3oz formula; then bf before bed. phew!!
I am giving him quite a lot of whole milk or formula and ricotta cheese or greek yoghurt mixed in with his food, and also cooking stuff with plenty of olive oil. He gets meat or fish or lentils every lunchtime, then at teatime something like pasta or risotto or mashed potato with veg. HAve to say I've no idea whether I'm doing the right thing, but it seems to be working!

sorry about extra puncuation, sleep deprived and being harrassed by 3 tired DS's

I guess I'm lucky in that he seems to like everything I give him - so I just need to shovel it in!

I would also carry on feeding him until HE stopped. There have been a few times when we did this that he's eaten soooo much that I had stopped him though because I thought he'd make himself ill.
It was amazing and he just ate and ate and ate. It was hypnotic watching the spoon going back and forth shovelling more and more in.

Maybe he's slow weight gain was because I was starving the poor little thing.

Thanks Elliott and Emmatmg - I will keep pumping poor little ds with as much food as possible and see what happens. He has had 20 ozs formula today plus breakfast cereal made with full milk and some double cream, lunch of lentils, sweetpotato and added melted butter followed by a yoghurt and tea of fruit and rice with a dollop of double cream. I would be the size of a house after all that food!!!

emmatmg, I know what you mean - quantity wise he's almost eating as much as ds1 (age 2.5!) But I do think he's benefiting from growing a bit more - his sitting has really improved recently, I guess he's building up his strength. I think his main problem is he's so good natured he doesn't really object if the meal ends before he's quite had enough, so I'm making a conscious effort to allow enough time to make sure I'm not short-changing him.

grommit just notice on other thread that you're seeing a dietician on Saturday - I hope it helps and you find it reassuring. How is ds doing? I would be really interested to hear what advice you get about feeding him.

I've stopped worrying about ds2 since I 'proved' he can put weight on - still need to go and get him checked in a few weeks' time though. he was 15lb 5oz at his appt last week.

Elliott - I will let you now how we get on with the dietician. I have spent the last 2 weeks adding melted butter, double cream or olive oil to his food. He is due to be weighed by health visitor on monday but I want to give it a few more weeks as I don't want the same panic as 2 weeks ago! I am still worried about CF - if he doesn't put on weight in a months time he will be tested

Hi Grommit. Is there any reason why you are worried about CF (didn't realise you were, sorry)? Does he have any symptoms? I hope you will have a pleasant surprise when he gets weighed again.

When ds2's weight gain dropped through enough centiles to trigger the 'action' button, my HV gave me a choice between seeing a dietician and seeing a doc. I chose a doc because I was mostly concerned that we ruled out any physical problem (and I'll admit, because I was utterly mortified at the prospect of having to go through ds2's food diary with the dietitican, so I do feel for you!) I thought if that seemed ok, I could probably work out how to give him a good diet myself But I was expecting the doc at least to discuss something about his diet, which she didn't AT ALL - so now I'm kind of interested to see what a dietician would say anyway! Can you ask to be referred to a doc or will it depend on what the dietician thinks?

Anyway probably put this in the wrong thread - will go and catch up with the other one now.

Elliott - worried about CF as he has had a persistent cough since birth. This has improved since he was put on an inhaler. Both Doc and specialist said CF is unlikely but they would not rule it out. I suppose I have read too much and worried myself. Will post again after dietician - she sounded very nice on the phone and will come to the house (thank goodness for Bupa!). She thought she would prob start on high calorie milk and go on from there. Ds's little legs do seem chubby (nice fat folds) and his face has filled out so fingers crossed all my fattening up is working!