Bottle refusal - return to work - withholding breast?

[jusdepamplemousse]

I know there are probably tonnes of bottle refusal threads but posting as getting a bit desperate. I go back to work in just under 2 months and DD (6 1/2 months) will not drink anything from a bottle or cup. We have tried ebm / aptamil / hipp / water. We have tried three varieties of cup and countless varieties of bottle. She has on 3 occasions taken a couple of ounces of aptamil from a mam bottle but not recently and there was no consistency to what made her decide to take a bit on those occasions. I've already pushed my return to work back and cannot do so again without major stress and financial difficulty.

I'm thinking the only way to get around the refusal will be to essentially stop offering breast and just offer bottle until she relents. Tbh I feel like a totally shit mother for even thinking about it - it's not something I want to do and honestly I'm not sure I can bring myself. Obviously if we do try it I won't let it go beyond a set amount of hours (maybe 6-8? feels very long but she can go for this long reliably without a feed overnight and is also doing fairly well on solids now).

Worst fear is that we do this, it shatters her trust in us and doesn't work anyway. Also scared it will mean the end of bf'ing full stop.

Just wondering if anyone else has had to go down this route and did it work? Did you have to only give bottles from then on or could you mix feed?

Please don't be too harsh in replies - I know some people will just think it's awful to even consider this - I do myself tbh - but we're now in a desperate times desperate measures situation.

Like other posters have said there are several different ways you can come at this. I went back to work when ds was 7 months and from that day forward he didn't drink a drop of milk in the day.

He'd taken to solids really well from 6 months so instead of pointlessly persevering with the bottle I really worked on getting his food intake up. He did drink water from a Poundland straw cup though, and honestly I think the "sucky" action of a straw cup is much more akin to breastfeeding than other cups out there. Our nursery only required that he could drink water out of something so that was good enough for us!

He did reverse cycle for a good long time until eventually settling into evening feeds only, but I honestly wouldn't worry about the impact on breastfeeding; it won't be the catalyst to stop just because they cut out daytime milk. And actually with a fair dose of cosleeping (100% a necessity to get any sleep with a reverse-cycler I found!) the impact on my job wasn't too bad at all. Plus it is literally only a couple of months max; most babies can happily settle into morning and night feeds quite quickly if weaning's plain sailing.

Good luck!

I returned to work at 6.5 months with a baby who wouldn't take a bottle. I have one piece of advice: let the nursery deal with this. Any nursery or childminder will have dealt with LOADS of babies like this and have tricks and tops you don't. Keep offering a sippy cup of water with food (the cheap Tommy tippee one is the gold standard, avoid anything spill proof) and don't worry about it. Your baby will be nearly 9 months by the time you go back and will be way more advanced and totally capable of never using a bottle all. Even now at 6 months there's no need to give a bottle, really, and going straight to a cup may be easier.

We managed to get my boy taking a few ounces from the Munchkin Latch bottles, but by about 9 months he was just taking expressed milk in a sippy cup.

Have you tried having her sit up and letting her hold the bottle? Friends have had success like this. Don't put teat in her mouth, let her do that.

I second the pp who said at 8.5m things will have changed.

At that age both mine just went without while i was at work and bf when i got home.

For my 2nd i didn't even try with bottles.

I went back to work when dd was 16 weeks old 22 years ago and had no bloody choice
She refused bottle from me as was ebf but I left her with childminder on a couple of occasions before I returned to work and she took bottle from cm
I was still able to bf ( first thing in morning and then as soon as I picked her up from cm after an 8 HR shift, I would rush home and feed her!)
Managed to keep bf her until 11 months when she decided she'd had enough and by that time she was taking drinks from a sippy cup anyway
None of my 3 dcs would ever take a bottle from me!

Oh poor you. As others have said, try not to worry too much. There is a COLOSSAL difference (in my experience) in how much food/water they take at 6 months and at 9 months. At 7.5 months all mine were still mainly breast fed. By 9 months they were 3 meals a day, water when they wanted it, breastfeed morning, night and if I was there maybe a couple of times in between, but if I wasn't around they were happy with just food and water. So enjoy the next month feeding, and see how it goes at 8-9 months.

Just responding to your questions.
Was advised not to by HV and breastfeeding support worker. They said it wouldn't work and would be stressful for the baby. I'm not sure that I could have heard the crying and not fed.
I was up all night at the start. But now feeding is a bit better (by bit I mean toast and porridge only) I'm only up once. But I've always had a good sleeper.
I hope you get on ok. I think that once weaning kicks in they'll be able to go longer anyway. Plus my lo takes water fine from an open cup or mam sippy. Don't you dare put milk in it though!!!

How are you feeling OP? As you can see lots of us have been there. I don't mean to sound flippant but as someone told me in the same situation no baby ever died of stubbornness! I hope you can enjoy your last few months of mat leave and let your childcare take the lead on the drinking. My job can be stressful too, I was worried about performance and sleep and feeding, by 9 months things were so much better and although it was terribly stressful we got through it. Good luck.

Thanks all for thoughts.

Maybe I am overly stressing this to an extent - might just be tied up in anxiety over leaving her generally I guess.

She's just - at least at the mo - totally resistant to all cups and all bottles. DH even spoon fed her some milk the other day and age went berserk. She won't pick up or take a bottle or cup handed to her AT ALL. Like no way. So I guess I'm just worried that she is some serious uber strain of liquid refuser but yes, I've never heard of a child dying from stubbornness.

Might phone nursery for their take on it, I'd actually been putting off calling them as thought they'd tell me to go away altogether if she won't drink at all. Maybe they will be seasoned pros though as posters have suggested. Hopefully!

On the just not offering boob front, I guess my thinking was it would be best if we tackled the drinking thing before nursery started - thought that boob not being there for the first time together with the new nursery set up might be too traumatic all at once. But if it wouldn't work anyway there's no point in just adding in extra days of misery before we have to deal with it all.

Think I'm rambling now, sorry. Really really thanks for all responses, at least I know that others have left non drinking babes before and it's all worked out ok.

after trying 10 bottles Dr browns mam avent tommie tippee latch to name a few only thing that worked was nuk latex teat size 1 medium flow!

DD was like this. We tried and tried when I was due to go back to work (she was 5.5 months so no option to skip milk altogether) - different bottles, temperatures etc, DH doing it while I went out etc. Massive screaming fits and general pain and suffering for everyone.

In the end I had to go back to work. The first day she and DH had a 5 hour showdown about her bottle refusal but she took it in the end and she then bottle fed perfectly happily (just the normal mam bottles and mixed bm/formula at any temp) until we cut out bottles a bit after 12 months.

My friend went back to work at 5months, her DD, (now 9 months) still won't take milk from cup or bottle, she just has food during the day and a 20minute feed when mum gets home (which is very long for her). Your DD will be ok! My ds was a serious bottle refuser, until one day he just wasn't (2 weeks ago at 8months).

My elder dd never took more than 2 oz at nursery either and had a long feed at home time, dd2 eventually cracked - it will be ok definitely.