2 weeks in and not sure I can do it much longer!! Help!

[ratfly]

I posted a while ago about a fussy 10 day old baby, who would feed constantly in the evenings and pull off the breast and cry loads. While we are coping with the evenings better (through teamwork between me and hubby), I'm so exhausted that I'm not sure how long I can do this for.

Baby is still fussy in the evenings - he seems to have fed enough, goes to sleep then wakes up crying and (I think) hungry 10 minutes later. Each feed is taking upwards of an hour - at least 25 minutes on each breast accompanied by lots of winding. If he falls asleep on the 2nd breast, and I try to put him down he wakes up and roots and cries again. And he is feeding at least every 3 hours.

This now also affects night feeds too - when I can't wake up hubby for help as he is back at work. These feeds often end with me crying too. Baby is doing really well - he has put on over 1 lb since birth - which I am really pleased with. But the exhaustion is making me get to the point where I am dreading each feed, thinking he will be really fussy. I am considering giving him an evening feed of formula to let hubby feed him, and to let me get a few hours rest before the night feeds begin.

Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

Have you spoken to an nct breastfeeding counsellor? You can phone them and speak to a volunteer. Keep bumping your message as well to make sure you get answers from those in the know as sunday pm can be quiet.

How old is he now?

To be honest, its a tough one. You've got to do what you feel is right for you. But, I have to say, what your DS is doing kinda sounds normal (albeit at the extreme end of things). My DS was very much like this too. He settled down after a couple of months, and I wont deny it wasnt utterly exhausting. But, it did get better - clearly so because at 21 months I am still b/feeding him.

I think if you feed him on demand, he will be getting enough. Trying to stretch feeds out will not help with your supply. Have you tried co-sleeping?

babies do tend to 'cluster feed' in the evenings so yes, I'd say it was normal though admittedly tiring

I don't necessarily think it's all hunger, so I don't know that formula would solve it. I have bottle fed one dd and breastfed another and neither of them were more 'satisfied' after a feed; don't think it will be easier/ better to do a formula feed

does your hv think it's too early to express? I started expressing really early to give dh a bottle to give dd, which was nice for both of them

I expressed from one breast in the morning while feeding from the other and then saved it for nighttime

if you're going to look at bottles it doesn't have to be formula

Thanks for your quick replies. VVV - DS is 2 weeks old.

Hercules - I have spoken to the breastfeeding counsellors almost every night! They say everything is going well, but I know that if I am dreading his next feed that emotionally it really it isn't going well IYSWIM.

I have also cut out dairy, as someone suggested that it could be making him colicky, and I am finding that really difficult too, as it is a massive change in my diet...

ime colic is trotted out far too often as an excuse for baby behaviour

certainly I wouldn't be cutting out dairy when your body is doing its best to make milk unless you have a damn good reason ie one recommended to you by a health professional

the last thing you need at the moment with a tiny baby is to be faffing needlessly around with your diet

I wouldnt cut out dairy from your diet if it is making you moer stressed. WHat about cranial oesteopathy? SOme people swear by it? WHat about a dummy, I know it's early though?

I think also the thing to point out is that it's hard now but later it will be lovely, honest

oh crikey he's only 2 weeks old. This is utterly utterly normal.

I would cut the formula feed - this could affect your supply early on.

Feed on demand. However often that is atm.

Eat whatever you bloody like if it makes you happy - especially if your DH has cooked it

Cuddle him as much as he wants - he's only wee!!!!

You may want to make sure that he is opening his mouth wide enough, and that he's fully supported underneath. You could try feeding him whilst laying on your side, or with you leaning right back/laying on a bed plumped up with pillows so that he is laying almost face down on you whilst feeding.

Try feeding him in the bath with you - lots of skin to skin contact.

Hi ratfly - congratulations on your baby! I think this sounds pretty normal to me - it's really hard work isn't it! Do you have other children? If not, I would suggest going completely with your baby's routine - sleep when he sleeps, feed him lying down in bed, don't try and 'do' anything. They do seem to settle at around the 6 week mark and things become a lot easier. Feeding every 3 hours is exactly what he needs, to stimulate your milk supply as well as giving him enough milk!

Sounds like you're doing really well though.

Ratfly - colic does tend to occur in the evenings with many babies. You could try Colief. It's not cheap _ £10 for a bottle, though it does last for ages, and is available from Boots and most big pharmacists. You have to express a few drops of milk before a feed to mix the colief with (I then shot it into his mouth with a medicine syringe) and it is entirely natural (it is made from the hormone lactase which occurs in baby's gut, to break down the sugars for him) and it saved my sanity/marriage, as both of my boys were horrifically colicky, and screamed and screamed, until we found it. Might be worth a try. It is awful feeling sooo tired, and dreading the next day too.

(It is your choice whether to continue or mix feed, of course. Having sobbed myself through the first few weeks,I found that it does get easier, and was hugely grateful that I continued feeding. I think the real relief kicked in at about 6 weeks old.)

Thanks again everyone. I really need to hear that this is normal and that it will settle down soon.

My hubby has actually given him a dummy already. Only when we are sure we have tried everything else, and it does keep him quiet. I feel so sad for the poor little mite, sittin gin his crib with a dummy when all he wants is his mummy and a boob. But I am so exhausted that I need my rest now and cannot give him the attention he needs.

Hubby is of the opionio that if we have met all his needs and he still cries then to let him, but I think he is too young for that and it breaks my heart to hear him.

I just need to hear other coping strategies, and that this is all normal behaviour. I am interested in co sleeping, but the midwife warned me off it...

He is too young to be left to cry, IMO. And going by your DH's theory - if he is crying then you havent met all his needs? If he just wants a cuddle - whats wrong with that? He's just a tiny little thing.

Ratfly - start another thread about co-sleeping advice. You will get lots of tips on it I promise

ratfly I rememebr this stage well with dd2, for about 6 weeks from about 2 or 3 weeeks old she did this all evening. In the end it was a cuddle rather than food she wanted tbh. Can you do a good feed around 9 or 10 pm, then give the baby to your dh and you get some rest for 2 or 3 hrs. I fed on demand, but I also streched that demand out by 5 mins or so each feed and at around 10 days my dd was usually feeding every 3 hrs. But it sounds like isn't food it is the cuddles combined with wind etc. If I lay down with dd she would scream, she was only happy upright. SO DH used to take her, drapped across his chest and play his playstationf or a couple of hours every night to give me a rest, then about midnight she would have one more 'proper' feed and sleep. By letting dh have her, she couldn't smell me, therefore couldn't get milk

An update - we had another hectic evening, but this time I fed lying down on the settee instead of sitting up. All in all, ds fed for about 2 hours straight. After feeding continuously for 40 mins, he fell asleep at the breast, but if I removed the nipple he woke up crying. Then we winded him and he was still acting hungry, but was fussing at the nipple. So we swayed etc for about 20 mins. then the whole thing repeated.

Finally he is down in his cot (for how long?!) after I snuck a dummy in when he was asleep at the breast. I don't feel so tired as I was feeeding lying down. I will try some co-sleeping tonight if he doesnt settle after feeds.

Looking at the log of feeding, he has been having these marathon sessions every evening for the past week. If it's a growth spurt it's bloomin well a long one....

This is what little babies are like, sadly! it's totally normal, formula is not a magic bullet and you could end up with a formula-fed baby who is just as unsettled. Things will get better - oh and eat what you like! And have a glass of wine too!

Hi Ratfly, my ds would suck for hours if he could. Unfortunately my sore nipples wouldn't allow that and I had to unlatch him when I felt he'd had enough and was only comfort sucking. If I hadn't I'd have had to give up totally - as it was, my nipples were shredded by the poor latch and have only just recovered!

What I found was that most of the time he'd be just as happy sucking on my finger so I just cuddled him and did that for as long as he wanted. If it was more milk he needed then he soon let me know and wouldn't countenance a finger! So anyway, what I'm trying to say is that maybe the dummy is just satisfying his need to suck and you're not depriving him of anything iyswim.

I expressed a lot on the 2 weeks following my dd2s birth due to cracked nipples and carried on until a bit of a routine established re her feeding. For me, I feed her when she wakes and sometimes I wake her if boobs feel as though the are about to explode.

Evenings are a cycle of feeding, winding and cuddling. We give her a dummy occasionally as well.

If you think that the more you feed him in the evening, you stand a higher chance that he will sleep for a longer stretch at night. Maybe not yet, but in the next few weeks you should see results.

Keep going, whatever you choose to do will be the right thing

You've had great advice on here so far, Ratfly.

Agree totally that a 2wo shouldn't be left to cry.

I remember MSNing VVV when DS2 was a similar age and saying "brb, DS2 needs feeding" going off for half an hour, then back again for 20 minutes, then off again for 20 minutes, back for half an hour, off for 40 minutes, etc, etc.

It's utterly normal - just think, three weeks ago, your DS was held 24/7, had never known cold, hunger, discomfort from a scratchy label, what it felt like to have a tummy ache - this bit's so hard, and I do really empathise and sympathise.

Try and sleep when he sleeps, do co-sleep safely.

ratfly, as everyone has said, this wounds like the tough end of normal to me. If he's sucky, you could also try the end of your (or even better, dh's) finger - dd & ds would spend contented hours sucking dh's little finger when they were that age.
It WILL get better. Do you sleep when he does in the day? It honestly is worth doing that rather than housework...
xx

oh - the other thing that helped me at this stage was someone told me that at that osrt of age, babies tummys are the size of a walnut ... it doesn't take long to empty a walnut

Hi Ratfly, sounds like you are doing a great job so far! Anyway, my experience (2 sons) is that this is quite normal, especially the feeding all evening thing. What I do remember is that it started to improve at about 3 weeks and was getting to be almost bearable by 5 weeks. And then eventually it became much easier (I could even read a book at the same time as feeding!). So I would say hang in there if you can.

I found that both mine liked to be upright rather than lying down when they were fussy in the evenings and carrying them in a sling was the best thing for this (or - better - dh carrying them in a sling while I had a lie down!).

Good luck anyway - this stage is v v hard but it will get better.

ratfly, your baby is doing fine, and the weight gain shows you have loads of milk....one thing you might try is to feed him on one side only, putting him back on that same side when he comes to the breast again after a v. short break.

This is likely to make him less fussy, as he will not have to cope with a fast let down, and will not reduce the amount of calories he has.

It's not something for mothers to try unless they are sure their baby is thriving growth wise, which yours is.

Try this for a couple of days to see if it makes a difference - there is absolutely no need for formula and leaving a tiny baby to cry is unkind, IMO.

Thanks for your kind replies - you guys have a wealth of advice and information between you! I feel like this is normal behaviour now, and not that I am doing something wrong. That reassurance is worth loads!

I expressed last night and let dh take the 11.30 feed. Ds gulped down 3oz of EBM! But slept through til 3.30. So, a refreshed mummy this morning!

Hunkermunker - you are so right. I keep forgetting that just 2 weeks ago he was inside me, with all his needs met. It must be such a shock being out here - bless him!