Night weaning or fully weaning if it needs to be my one year old?

[lizziefield1982]

I am breastfeeding my one year old son, exclusively till six months and all night and for naps since then. He eats a good volume too. I did plan on expressing so my husband could give a bottle etc, but it ended up seeming more work, so he has never had a bottle to drink from as we went straight to tippee cups for water. Anyway, fast forward to now, I am knackered! In the first trimester with our next baby and it suddenly feels like I need to make a change or I could be in an even more exhausting situation soon.

He is boobed off to sleep at 7pm, after bath and a little play, then wakes at about 10pm and every few hours after that till 6am when he is ready to start the day again. He is feeding 4/5 times a night, and a year in and with a new baby on the way I know I need to have him sleeping better before I am feeding a newborn on demand around the clock.

I should say these night feeds are not like proper feeds. He suckles for minutes lazily sleeping as he does until he drops back off, however recently I have found him angry, for want of a better word, like there is no milk for him at night, unless I let him suckle for hours he ends up crying and getting crosser.

In six months time when his db/ds arrives I would like him to be happy being put to bed by daddy, in his own cot, and stay there all night... So anyone got any idea on how I move from mostly co sleeping, incessantly feeding baby to this dream scenario please?

PS he has no blankie/toy/sleep aide/dummy despite my best efforts to attach him to something other than my boobs!
PPS I am very unlikely to manage any cry it out stuff, I just can't when I know all he wants is my comfort, and why shouldn't he...

Please help!

Hmm I think you have to make the decision that you won't feed him anymore at night! If he wakes, just offer comfort and water until he goes back to sleep, he will cry though but it will be worth it in the long run.

Could your dh help by being the one to go to him when he wakes up?

Is your ds in his own room?

Following... in a similar situation (Ds does drink a lot though.)

I can't really speak to your situation because I'm about to start night weaning my 22 month old but I've done a lot of reading! There's Jay Gordon, Sarah Ockwell-Smith and Meg Nagle (which is roughly what I plan on following). Most of them do advise not starting before 18m though, so I wonder if it would be clearer for your baby if you stopped feeding altogether? I guess it also depends on how you feel about feeding 2? My lb went through a similar phase where he just wanted to be parked on my boob at night, but your milk could be drying up because of your pregnancy.

I do think what's difficult here is that I don't really want to stop feeding at all, and if he just fed a few times so I got more sleep I wouldn't be thinking of stopping at all, and tandem feeding would be fine. But now, in the clarity of the early morning (and two hours of dry suckling) I am so tired I feel like I would do anything to stop this madness and sleep!

Thanks for your reply so far, not heard of Meg Nagle so will look her up.

I would decide when you want to feed him. Eg. At bedtime and again at get up time and then offer water only at other wake up times. It might be easier to get your DH to do the night wakings for the first few nights.

If you are currently co sleeping, I'd also go to sleep in another room for the first few nights.

Does he have any other way of getting to sleep other than feeding? We were in the same boat a few months ago (DS is 12 months now) - we used a sleep consultant as I was beginning to lose the plot, who advised to give the last evening feed before bath time rather than feeding to sleep. We then rocked to sleep instead, and from there went to only holding to sleep, and then putting him down in his cot but stroking his back etc. It took a few weeks with a little crying (but with us always in the room), but was totally worth it. DS now has one morning and evening feed, and one feed in the night. Might be worth moving this to the sleep board maybe?

I did this with DD but younger, about five months. The only way it worked was for DH to settle her instead until she got the hint. If i tried to settle her it didn’t work because she could smell my milk and wouldn't accept anything less, a cuddle and a ssshhh wouldn't cut it. I think it took about a week but every night she woke up less frequently and for less time.
At his age you know he doesn't need the milk so I'd cut him off if I were you. I've just had my DS and I couldn't spend all night jumping from one kid to the other it's tough enough during the day!

Is he teething?

I think maybe I do just need to toughen up! I just need to make the decision and stick to it.

He only feeds to sleep unless he is in the car or pram, otherwise it's basically only feeding that does it.

My husband is adamant he would be a bit more tough love so I got a bit more sleep, it's me looking for a softer solution really. So he would do the night waking a I am sure.

Sorry not teething no.

Go out at bedtime and put your dp on night duty for a week, you're available until 6.30 and from 6am

I would do something like Gail suggests - a form of gradual retreat. DS may be a bit peeved at being rocked rather than boobed to sleep, and then the gradual steps from there, so you may get a bit of crying/whinging, but it is a lot softer than CIO or even CC.

If he's not teething or ill then now is perfect and I think you should grab the chance before the autumn bugs kick in! Good luck

Oh and yes it probably does need to be your DH who does it as DS is more likely to accept non boob solutions from him!

Oh my hubby will be so pleased! He is on holiday in a weeks time, we may be spending it trying to night wean.