CAN'T DECIDE!

[Selkie]

Hi, this is my first time on this forum. My second baby is due in 3 weeks. I bottle-fed my first baby, and would like to try again to breast-feed with my second. I like to have routine, it makes me feel much more confident. However, speaking with friends who BF, and reading different threads has made me nervous. Everyone seems to have such a tough time. I have a toddler to look after, and I don't want to be feeding around the clock, co-sleeping, letting them use my breasts as a dummy, or feeding them when they are two! Any thoughts?

I bottle fed DS1. Felt guilty. tried to BF DS2, but with a two year old running around just did not have the time or inclination to sit for hours at a time with my baps out. Try it but if it doesn't suit, go with what you know and are happy with.A happy mum = happy baby. Both mine are strapping healthy boys now.

I found that the first couple of weeks were a bit hard, because they coincided with a heat wave and the baby wouldn't leave me alone, but after that it was all smooth sailing, and the convenience of not daling with bottles etc was fab.
The thing is that the expression "demand feeding" can, IMO, get misinterpreted. In the beginning I was told to feed my DD whenever she cried but it soon turned out that this was giving her tummy ache and making me misunderstand her cries. I started spacing out feeds to sort out her colic and found that it is possible to have a structured day (or a routine if your baby will go for it) and breastfeed. If you haven't seen it, have a look at the Babywhisperer book, which taught me how to feed my baby when she was hungry and not to shove a breast in her direction whenever she cried. Sheraz is right though, if you eventually decide not to breastfeed, then that is your prerogative.

Why not start off by breastfeeding, and see how you get on? It's the best thing for your lo, and just keep an open mind and see how you get on.

Oh, and my DD slept through from 9 weeks, never co-slept (because I did not want to have to break that habit later on) and I was not a human dummy! So it can be done.

Hello and welcome

I think you should give it a go

Both of my children were breastfed and neither of them used my breasts as a dummy .. in fact the maximum length of time I ever fed for was 10 mins

there was no feeding round the clock .. although in the first 2 months there was quite a bit of tanking up from about 5pm

I'd say give it a go .. you have nothing to lose

I tried but failed to bf my ds, then when i had dd i tried again because i really wanted to do it, dd toke to bf like a duck to water & it ws fab, i lasted a few months then things when wrong so i started doing half & half then gradually onto bottles, yes dd slept better once on bottles, but i did not enjoy making them, cleaning them & buying powdered milk, i felt very upset but as i said i done it for a few months so i feel more than happy now when looking back.

By the way i also had a toddler it is possible

Just try it you never know every baby is different ds i just could not do it dd as i said was like a duck to water i loved it & enjoyed every minute

I say go with the flow & keep an open mind.

Goodluck

Agree with Beansprout - why not try and see how you go. A friend of mine was going to bottlefeed but became convinced to give breastfeeding a go - it worked well for her as her DS latched immediately and there were no problems.
She did not go with feeding on demand - it was just not her way, so her baby became routine breastfed and had a dummy for the rest of the time. It worked well for her and in my opinion, a breastfeeding routine is better than a bottlefeeding routine.
Good luck with whatever you end up doing

Selkie - prob the best attitude to take is not to have a set 'I must breastfeed for x weeks, x months etc' in your head, but just take it one day at a time. The first few weeks are a bit of a whirlwind, but they are anyway, no matter how the baby is fed.

Think Tiktok (bf counsellor who posts on MN) described it rather as 'responsive feeding' rather than 'demand feeding'

Yeah give it a go!
I breastfed my second when my first was only 3 and my dh was away and I had to move house alone!
We managed fine.
Feeding time is also a lovely time to have a snuggle with the toddler and/or read a book.
Or,I would lie down with the three of them for some quiet time.

You can always express the odd bottle so that frees you up a bit while ensuring all the benefits of breasteeding.
I don't think anyone regrets trying to breastfeed,but a lot of people regret not trying.

I'm with the others - give it a go. It doesn't have to be tough, you just have to want to do it! I'm lucky in that I have had no problems breastfeeding, my babies have all been very cooperative. Personally I would have found all the faffing about with bottles more of a bind than breastfeeding when my girls were 2 and newborn. I used to read books to DD1 whilst feeding DD2, and having another one forces you to keep feeds short. In fact now that they are both at school I'd quite enjoy having to sit down for some long feeds with DS but he's such an efficient feeder that it's all over in 10 minutes!

None of my three co-slept - it's not our thing - they were in their own rooms after a few weeks, and capable of falling asleep boobless in their cots.

Evening Selkie.

I tried to bf my first dd1 - she was basically mixed fed from the start and I stopped bf completely at 10 weeks.

With dd2, I was determined to be more successful - so I got 'knowledged' up a bit more. Got a bf counsellor to come around in the first week home with dd2 - after a few rough weeks - became successful in bf dd2 - and was well chuffed!

So it depends on how important it is to you? If you want to give it a good crack, I'd recommend getting a number of a local bf counsellor ( I used La Leche) also I recommend having a look at Kellymom.com - a really helpful bf website - I printed off the first couple of pages re the first weeks with a newborn - so I knew when to expect growth spurts etc. It really does get easier as the time goes on.

My dd1 was only 16 months when dd2 was born - and I ended up having an emergency c-section with her - but I persevered and carried on bf. Though, it was made easier as I had good support from dp - and dd1 went to Nursery.

In the early weeks, expect to feed 8-12 times a day - might only be one breast though - but they only have little tummies so do feed often - and just get through the growth spurts - they do pass - but I found it helps if you expect them! So in the early days, it seems that you do feed around the clock - but as they get bigger - you do feed less.

I used to write down in a journal when I fed, which breast and how long etc - because I wanted to know where I was - may seem sad - but worked for me!

Also, get in some Lansinoh for your nips - in a purple tube - can get it from Boots/Mothercare - isn't cheap but is well worth the money IMHO.

I never had been one for co-sleeping but did have dd2 next to my bed for the first couple of weeks - and 'dragged' her into bed to feed. TBH learning how to bf lying down was one of the best things I did - makes night feeds so much easier - they don't last for ages - both my dd's slept for long stretches at night from an early age.

HTH

I mix-fed ds1 until 5.5m, then went over completely to formula. I managed to breastfeed dd (second child) and, to my surprise, fed her until just before her 2nd birthday. We co-slept for the first 3 or 4 weeks, then she wnet into her cot and was in and out of my bed at my convenience. I found bfing to be an excellent time to have a quite time with ds1. We would read, chat, cuddle, very easily while I fed dd. I used a dummy for each of my children, according to their needs, so dd didn't dummy on my boobs. (I did make the mistake of letting dd sleep wit the dummy, which was not a good idea, and cost us more hours of sleep deprivation than breastfeeding did.) Dd started sleeping through from about 3m and slept through consistently from 6m when we took the dummy away.

She got the occasional bottle, as was convenient, if I wanted or needed to be away from her for whatever reason, and also if dh wanted to feed her and she hadn't had a bottle in a while. I think itwould have been tougher with ds1 if I had been bottle-feeding, as there's much more preparation needed thna just whipping out a boob, Aklso it needs two hands, whereas bfing leaves one hand free for the toddler.

Yes bf can be tough but not for everyone, you might find it a breeze so go for it. You might also find it hard but still be glad you did it when it gets easier. So many benefits for your health too.

You need to think about what your priorities are - is a routine more important than the health benefits for you both for example (remembering its only for the short term anyway).

Having a baby and a 2 year old will be hard in many differnt ways. I had the same last July (as well as a 5 year old) however though I fed frequently for the first several weeks (it was to be expected) I never co slept or let her use my breasts as a dummy (well maybe I did witbout realsing!) and I expect we will be down to a night feed only by a year or so.

your 2 year old will probably have a bit of a tough time for a while anyway with the new arrival but they are resiliant and do adapt and they won't remember it in years to come anyway.

Selkie - welcome.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, as they say !

You won't know what it's like until you have tried it.

I have never ever been used as a boob dummy (I personally wouldn't have minded even if I had been as I have a very close physical bond with my son), I did have a tough time at first, but that was due to being a first time mum and not knowing the difference between me boob and me elbow, as it were !

If you like routines, that's fine. It is recommended for baby's health and your milk supply not to place a newborn on a strict routine, as they need to be demand fed. Most bf babies seem to find their own routine though, usually by around 2 - 3 months of age.

The gaps between feeds tend to get longer as they get bigger and also learn to take more milk more quickly.

But bf isn't to everyone's liking. You need to be realistic and not expect that it will be easy. It isn't always easy, it all depends on whether you think the pay off is worth all the effort.

Good luck !

BTW, rroutine works even from very early on - not the first week perhaps, but even as early as 2 or 3w you can find yourself slipping into a systematic way of doing things. Schedules don't really work with newborns, IMO, but routine is good for everyone. We'ere big fans of routine in the Candelabrum, here, wether using breasts, bottles or weaned.

tbh it has never occured to me not to bf because of having older kids. shortest time i bf was 2 weeks (due to very nasty mastitis), longest was about a year and i def found bf easier, mainly as you dont have to be organised enough to make bottles up (i am very disorganised!) and bf leaves you with a free hand to do other stuff like reading books or playing board games. no 4 is due soon and although i plan to bf i have bought a steriliser, bottles and several cartons of milk as it takes the presure off just in case. i always find that planning for worst case scenarios means they are no longer a disaster if they do happen and im sure i'll use a few cartons at some point (i cant express more than an ounce for some reason!). good luck whichever way you decide to go

Hi Everyone!!

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement and wisdom! Will definately give it a go and see!

good choice, hope it goes well for you both