can't cope with the 2-hourly night feeds any more its been 6 weeks and I'm going insane!!!

[kiera]

please can someone advise me as I'm at my wits end here, LO is now 4 1/2 months and started waking every 2 hours through the night when he was 3 months and only a feed would get him back off to sleep again. 6 weeks on he is still doing this and the effects of mega sleep deprivation are setting in, not only this but he keeps coming off the latch (day and night) and my nipples are getting very sore. I have a 3 year old to care for in the day and no family or close friends around to help out so can't catch up on any sleep. I am doing everything I can to get as much rest as possible (co-sleeping, feeding lying down, getting dh to do the middle of the night nappy change) but I literally can't function any more on such fragmented sleep.

I am having trouble now actually getting to sleep as am so stressed out, when I sleep I have nightmares, when I'm awake I'm stressed out, wound up, and despite my best efforts have found myself screaming at child and baby today and feel absolutely awful about it. Last night I cried myself to sleep. Cannot take any more. Yet do not want to give up bfeeding and I am so proud of getting as far as I have. Dh has suggested giving a bottle of ebm or formula for one of the night feeds although I know I will wake up when he cries anyway plus I am concerned about the effect on my milk supply. Alternatively we could try getting him back to sleep without feeding but I foresee even more sleep deprivation and him waking again soonish as he seems genuinely hungry. Will not take much in day as is easily distracted, despite my best efforts.

What are your thoughts please?

Poor you. He might seem genuinely hungry but if he's had adequate feeds during the day and then one last feed at night (say 10:30pm) then this should be enough to see him through. I would say that he is probably comfort feeding rather than a genuine need. Your baby will continue to thrive without sleep - you on the other hand will not and you don't have the opportunity to catch up on naps like he does. Bite the bullet and do the whole controlled crying thing, offering cool boiled water as an alternative if you are in any doubt that he may be hungry (true hunger and mind would always drink this - if they didn't then i knew it was comfort). Yes you will be shattered but at 4.5 months the controlled crying should only take 5 nights max and then think of the blissful nights ahead. I did this with both of mine and they were sleeping through within 3 nights. Good luck and be strong and remember that your health is also important and the time that you want to share with your other child.

DS did the same thing at the same age and we started semi-cosleeping (i.e. from the point that he first woke up each night). We hadn't planned to, but it worked for us (the first few days I found it difficult to sleep, but then got used to it). We kept it up through to about 9 months, when he started sleeping better on his own and pretty much night-weaned.

I have real sympathy for your situation, but your baby is still too young for you to assume he is not hungry. I also think he is too young to consider the controlled crying approach. I realise not all people will agree with this, but can you try a dummy and see if you can provide some comfort? I can't really think of many solutions, hopefully someone else will have more suggestions for you. I really hope things improve for you soon.

I'd try a dummy too.
Or co-sleeping.
Or trying to get your dh to shush him back to sleep over a w/end when you will have more energy.

I'm not a believer in controlled crying at an early age,but will happily admit to having let mine scream themselves to sleep once or twice when going through similar.

kiera, you sound knackered. Does ds feed efficiently and then go right back to sleep? Or does he stay awake for say, an hour, before going down again? Can you describe "he keeps coming off the latch"?

BF babies quite often need night feeds until one. Kellymom has info on this so I don't agree Marshmellow. At about this age a lot of babies are too nosy/interested during the day to get good feeds in (mummy's armit not all that interesting to look at) and then stock up during the night.

Are you getting comfy enough during your cosleeping so that you can drift off? Remember babies are bendy so he can fit round you it might help a bit. i wouldn't think a bottle of ebm would hurt either.

maybe put him to bed in the living room with dh and a bottle of ebm. You stright to bed with ear plugs so you at least get one decent stretch.

My dd1 did this for months and I found it the only way to stay sane.

Yes,you deffo need the occasional night of unbroken sleep.
Feed him at say 11,retire and tell dh you don't want disturbing until 7 at the earliest.

oh poor you.

it sounds like you have hit crisis point - could your dh take some time off work to help you out a bit? or could someone come and stay?

if you can express giving ebm shouldn't affect your supply AFAIK.

from what you have written it sounds like things might improve if you could get ds to feed more/better during the day. something similar happened to me, what i tried was to offer a feed as often as possible during the day i.e. at any possible hunger cue or every 90mins to 2hrs and especially when LO had just woken up from a nap and was relaxed. also, i tried as often as possible to feed in a quiet room, and lying down if at home. this did seem to help.

good luck, i hope things get better for you soon

I'm in a similar boat to you, Kiera: ds2, 3.5m, feeding every 3h round the clock, sometimes 2-hourly. Something I've found helps at night is to go to bed as soon as both children are asleep and to feed (at least the first couple of feeds) sitting up so that I wake properly and can concentrate on making sure that LO feeds properly and doesn't just drift off. I find if he just feeds himself back to sleep he tends to wake sooner. Once or twice a week I give myself a holiday from this and just feed lying down, not worrying about staying awake or keeping track of feeds.

I find that if I do the lazy feeding too often ds2 gets into a habit of waking every time he comes into a light sleep part of the sleep cycle because he wants the boob to put him back to sleep. He doesn't fill his tummy so is permanently hungry during the night. It's not a good habit to get into - leads to more broken nights in the long run - but as an occasional thing it's a more restful night.

blueshoes -

Does ds feed efficiently and then go right back to sleep? Or does he stay awake for say, an hour, before going down again?

yes he does - sucks hard for a few mins then back into a deep sleep usually. sometimes he'll get a bit fidgety around 4am usually needs a nappy change then. unfortunately that does wake him up a bit (cue excited squealing) but I just ignore him and eventually he goes back to sleep without crying (as long as he is next to me in bed which he is after the first feed of the night).

Can you describe "he keeps coming off the latch"?

loses his latch and just sucks on the nipple. not nice. just plays with it (likes to push boob in and out of his mouth with his hands!) or pulls off to have a look around. once he's off the latch he doesn't really go back on again. not v hungry in the day though - fills up at night!

I think you need to be a bit stricter tbh, for your own sanity. I think your baby has a habit of using sucking to get himself back to sleep when he comes into his light sleep, which is lovely for him but is really hurting you. Don't worry abotu your supply.If you've been feeding every two hours for more than four months, that milk isn't going anywhere. I think you need, as someone else said, to feed, go to bed at 11pm and leave your dh with some expressed milk and tell him to cuddle or shush the baby to sleep and not disturb you, say, 4am at the latest, and then take the baby away again after a feed. One or two night feeds may well be necessary at this age, but not two hourly wake ups. That's torture, and I know, because I've been through it.

Hi Kiera, thanks for clarifying that. You need to catch up on your sleep because this nightfeeding is driving you dolally. Agree that your dh could shield you for a long stretch.

So during the periods when your ds feeds efficiently, I presume earlier in the night, you can probably do it without too much disruption, since you say you are already co-sleeping and feeding lying down. I find that after midnight, I just about had enough. At that point, your dh can take over with the expressed milk, nappy changes.

If your ds is clearly not hungry but just wants to play, I would just let him yell on the pillow (I co-sleep as well) for maybe 5 mins. That lets off the excess steam. If your dh can't get him back down, with my dd, dh would put her in the buggy - it was a travel system - and wheel her down, then take the carseat and put it next to the bed once she was down.

I too have a 4.5 monther ds, and he wakes every hour, not necessarily to feed but to bugger around - faff (hands flapping around his face, could be the eczema), latch on, a few sucks, pull off, faff, latch on, pull off - it is driving me up the wall - which is why I asked what your ds was doing. And he can do this every few minutes for up to 2.5 hours without fully waking. Sometimes, once an hour the whole night. If he would just feed and go down, I know I can handle that - sighhhhhh.

My dd trained me in her time to sleep very shallowly, so I am still functional during the day. It took her 17 months and weaning to get her sleep on track. Lord knows how long ds will take. I just call it the graveyard shift

well I fed lo at 6pm and left dh with a bottle of ebm while I had my first night out since he was born - went out for a meal with some friends. got back at 11pm and you'll never believe this but he SLEPT THE WHOLE TIME but WOKE UP THE MINUTE I WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR - literally - I just couldn't believe it - he has never gone this long between feeds apart from once when we did pu/pd and he was exhausted from crying and once when he was ill. do they have a telepathic link to us or something?? anyway dh had put the bottle in the fridge and did the first night feed which was fantastic and I was amazed to find in the morning that he had actually taken the bottle which is the first time ever. only 2oz but he'd had a big feed at 11pm so wouldn't have expected him to take much at 1am anyway. so pleased. I did wake up when dh was shushing him to sleep but much better and was able to sleep 12 till 3 when he woke for the next feed. we're going to do it every night now : )

Hooray!

Oh great stuff.
They are little buggers eh?

Blueshoes, when my ds2 does this pulling-off and faffing around it usually means he needs to burp/fart/poo. Once he's go whatever it was out of his system, he settles back down to the feed. If it happens at night then I just sit and doze with him upright in my arms for a while. Something usually comes out within 5-10mins.

thanks prettycandles. You are right - I try to burp him when he gets frantic and my ds might come up with a burp and then settle. But then he might wake up in the next 15 mins, and does the same thing! Or he might not burp and continue with his faffing. Or not be interested in nursing. I'm confused. It could be his eczema on his face.

if hes slept through before id say he is comfort feeding. could you try giving water instead or just leaving him to settle back off?