Breastfeeding problems on day 1 - should I interfere?

[cornflakegirl]

My friend gave birth just before midnight yesterday morning. I went to see her and her daughter at 5.30 yesterday evening, and asked how the breastfeeding was going. My friend (A) said it had been too hard and she had decided to bottle feed.

A has some learning difficulties, and is termed a "vulnerable adult" by SS. So I'm pretty certain that somebody else (maybe her mum, maybe a midwife at the hospital) has been involved in the decision and has advised her to give up trying to breastfeed.

I'm disappointed and angry. Firstly, because A wanted to breastfeed, and she and her daughter are being denied that. Secondly, because I had trouble breastfeeding when I gave birth at the same hospital, and while they gave my son formula, the assumption was that it was a temporary measure until we could establish breastfeeding. And it doesn't seem like A is being given this option.

I suggested to A last night that she keep trying to feed, and have skin-to-skin time. But I know that it's the people who are around her during the day who will have the real influence.

So - should I keep trying? Or should I just back off and let her get on with bottle feeding? And if I do keep trying, how should I go about it - and for how long?

(Apologies to any formula-feeders I accidentally offend - I'm not intending to criticise the choices anyone else has made.)

Just ask her, cornflake - 'are you happy about bottle feeding or if you could do it easily and confortably, would you prefer to breastfeed?' and depending on her answer, go from there. You might want to ask her permission to talk to her midwife (she should have a named midwife) about it, and you can also say you are willing to be A's support to help her through.

Not possible to say how long you should do this - it will depend on you reading the situation as it evolves.

Whatever happpens, she doesn't need to stop bf completely (though if she's started formula feeding this early on, she will prob not manage to bf for long) and she needs to know the facts.

Good luck.

Tiktok - thanks

How long is it realistically worth trying if her daughter continues not to show interest? I assume that after a few days there just won't be any milk?

My DD wouldn't feed for a full 24 hours if that helps? She just wasn't hungry... she got the hang of it when she was though

Flame - thanks

My DS was 36 hours old before he had a feed, I wanted to say just in case she thought it was already too late.

Congratulations to her!

usandnosleep - thanks for the encouragement

My ds was nearly three days old when he finally managed to latch on, we had no problems after that.

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My first took nearly 3 days to actually feed so I would carry on supporting her - you clearly care for how she feels about this.

Sounds as though you are being sensible with her, try and give her the confidence to do what she wants and succeed. Good luck

thanks chocolatekimmy

i went to see A again this evening, and spoke to her about breastfeeding. she said she did want to try again, and i spoke to a midwife who seemed very positive. she came and spoke to A, and said encouraging things about trying again.

but it's still going to be down to A to actually ask for help to try again when her daughter needs to feed next - and she seems to have it fairly firmly fixed in her mind that her daughter doesn't want to breastfeed.

Oh this is really sad. It's really hard for anyone to have to keep asking for help with every feed, let along someone particularly vulnerable like your friend. She's really lucky she's got a friend like you to keep encouraging her.