Desperate - newborn, bleeding nipples, switch to expressing / formula?

[cheapredwine]

Please, can anyone help. 4 day old newborn, first timer and anxious as fuck. He's keen to feed, rooting, lip-smacking etc but my nipples just can't take it. Both are cracked and bleeding. Lots of midwives on ward checked latch and they think it's ok. Not getting huge amount of advice from community midwife now we are home. He wants to feed a lot, especially overnight, and I just can't see how we can carry on. I am spending a lot of time in tears, it's absolutely awful. It was a traumatic delivery and he also has jaundice (blood levels were checked yesterday though) but was 7lb 12 at birth. I've had about 5 hours sleep since Saturday morning which of course isn't helping. Feeling utterly overwhelmed.

We in arse end of nowhere so struggled to find nipple shields other than Boots own which are huge on me and he wasn't having any of it. He won't feed from the worse effected side now and it's agony trying so I haven't in the last 6 hours or so, he's been solely on the other side.

Husband has just been out and bought Avent manual pump in desperation. I hardly have the energy to look at the box let alone read instructions.

Seriously considering FF but don't know where to start.

Logically I know am being hormonal etc etc, that this is basically normal, but I just don't know what to do.

Ah glad to hear it op.

You're making me nostalgic for my new baby days...

It's taken a month for me to be nipple shield free 90% of the time. I got mine from Amazon prime. If you're not using them do try them as they helped the pain so so much for me.

Well done for persisting!

No one ever tells you that breastfeeding hurts like bleeding cracked nipples for first 2-3 wks that is normal after that your nipples toughen up honestly give it a bit more time x

Well done OP. My milk didn't come in until the night of day 5 and dd lost just over the expected amount. You have nothing to feel guilty about, and lots to be proud of. It's really hard and you've persevered.

My advice is that bf just means feeding the baby. Burping, settling, rocking to sleep, holding the baby all night because that's the only way they sleep etc are not part of bf so make sure you take the opportunity to have some rest. Feed, hand the baby over to be burped, settled etc and go to sleep. Have someone bring you the baby when they're hungry, and then back to sleep. I speak from bitter regret as I didn't do this enough.

Definately use the nipple cream, I had this too and my midwife told me the latch was perfect it was just a case of the full milk coming through and baby then starting to suck softer, not having to work as hard to get the milk out. Honestly by the end of week 1 breastfeeding was a dream x

It sounds a bit silly but I feel like have a MN cheer squad behind us on this and that's so lovely up know dont care if that is that a bit soppy for MN ;)

I Had NO idea how tough this would all be, and so up and down you feel. Night times are hard, endless seemingly.

Have ordered some nipple sheilds from Amazon, will arrive today. Nipples are such a mess and just dread feeding. He cluster fed last night and by the end... Ugh

I have lots of milk, hand expressing a bit. Midwife said yesterday to give it to him in sterilised cup she gave me. But won't he choke? How do I do that?

I tried cup feeding my dd when she struggled with breast feeding. Have a look on YouTube for cup feeding videos to help. They literally lap at the milk like a cat so no choking. It sounds like you are doing amazingly. These first days are in my opinion hell on earth and dd is my second dc so you would have thought I'd have had a better idea!

Whatever way you decide to continue feeding is up to you. The most important thing is for you and your baby to be happy and your baby to be fed. I bf ds and then after failed attempts with dd moved to bottles on day 3. I did the guilt and tears but that passed. All babies are different, you have to make the right choice for both of you.

I genuinely think cup feeding a tiny baby is ridiculous. Do everyone a favor and use a bottle and teat if you want to feed expressed milk. You will drive yourself mad otherwise.
Well done on the healing. My tips would be the same as many - correct sized nipple shields, leave breasts exposed to the air as much as possible when not feeding, a small dab of Lansinoh and reapply it frequently as it dries in. The compresses mentioned above did nothing for me but I know others loved them - keep them in the fridge and cut in half if you do use them.

My major problem occurred once my milk came in and I was too engorged for the baby to latch. The advice I was given was to hand express a little at the start of each feed to soften up the heavily engorged areola area. This made it easier for the baby to actually latch onto my hard swollen breasts.

(Weirdly I miss those few days of engorgement when I had a decent rack for the only time in my life!)

You could try using the syringe from a calpol bottle instead of a cup - squirt a tiny bit in at a time. Cup feeding a dribbly newborn is agonising if you're watching them waste your precious expressed milk!

These first few days are so hard op, one foot in front of the other, it's all you can do. And if you end up FF, meh. Honestly, it's such a tiny, tiny part of raising children. I just can't get worked up about it at all.

My DS was able to drink beautifully from a cup as a newborn - so it isn't always 'ridiculous ', give it a try to see how it goes if you want. The first couple of attempts needed both of us but he soon got the hang of it. Got us out of a sticky patch on days 5-14.

Good luck with the nipple shields - hope they help. I was in exactly the same situation in the early days - cracked and bleeding nipples that wouldn't heal - and the shields saved me. Just to say re size - they should look a bit big as your nipple will get pulled into the gap when the baby sucks.
Alternating pumping on one side and feeding on the other also helped to give one side a break. We fed the extra milk with a bottle and didn't have any probs with nipple confusion (actually ended up with a baby who was/is happy to switch between boob and bottle when friends were struggling with bottle-refusing babies).
Good luck to you - it is so tough in the early days. I was also told latch was fine and I think the reason I had your problems was not about latch or tongue tie, but because I have (or had) rather flat nipples which baby had to stretch out, and they cracked in the process. We are fine now and still breastfeeding at 8 months - hope it gets better for you too if you decide to stick with it.

Speaking as someone who is going through it all second time round, I remember how hard the nights felt as a new mum. So exhausting, and even frightening, I got my DH to be awake with me all the time, and made him get me a cup of tea and croissant at the 2/3am feed as I was afraid of dealing with it all alone.

BUT... knowing that it all passes fast, and you do get used to the disturbed nights and stop feeling so wasted before long, this time I've not found it nearly so hard to adjust. Instead, I am trying to make the most of the closeness with my baby (we're bed-sharing, easy to do safely, see www.isisonline.org.uk/), and I love snuggling up, literally feeling that milk coming out of me into her. It really will be very different even in a few months time. Amidst all the troubles first time round, and the awful pain with feeding in first fortnight, this quote helped me a lot in being 'in the moment':

"When the days are long and the years are short, make the most of your time with them."

Oh infrance I hear you, yes, it's frightening... My OH is amazing and he and lovely MIL have taken a very cross DS away downstairs so I can get just a little bit of time to regroup. I like the croissant idea! delost I have very small and pretty flat nipples too, think that's a lot to do with the problem.

The skin on say half of the right nipple has now come away entirely. I've tried the Medela shields though (and midwife helped which was good) and they help massively. I am terribly engorged though and wow, hadn't realised how much that hurts. Not to mention leakage.

Been recommended not to pump, only hand express in case it makes it all worse. Struggling a bit with hand expressing but is that the way to go alongside feeding regularly (though seemingly not enough for DS!)

My logical mind says much wanted last chance IVF baby + induction + traumatic delivery + FTM + hormones + just learning to be a family etc etc means this is completely normal and ok.

and for everyone who is going through this too and am re-reading the thread on repeat

Try and hand express under a warm shower to help with the engorgement.

Just a quick update on what's happened...

By Sunday I was in agony, was doing everything I could think of but it was getting worse and worse. He had almost chewed off half of one nipple, the other wasn't so bad. midwife was also worried that the bad one was infected. He also has a tongue tie which althgh wasn't a bad one, certainly won't have helped.

Ultimately made the very hard but ultimately no-brain decision to switch to formula, we really didn't have any option. He was frantically hungry and stressed out, and I was a complete mess both mentally and physically. Straight away he was a different baby, like his whole body just relaxed.

It was a shitty end to breastfeeding but he had 8 days of breast milk (albeit not enough to satisfy his tummy 😞) but now he is just so much happier, more content, more what I had expected a newborn to be like.

Am so grateful for everyone's help and advice, and while the ending was maybe not what I had hoped, it's absolutely the right decision for us I just need to keep telling myself that

give baby formula tonight. Take the opportunity to COVER your nipples in nipple cream and sit with your top off so there are no abrasions from clothes or bras, to give your nipples a break. Tell yourself you can start again tomorrow if you want. Day 4 is notoriously a shit show of hormones, exhaustion and swollen, painful bleeding breasts. You just need to get through the next few days and give yourself a lot of compassion. Feeding formula just for tonight is not going to ruin anything or have a longyerm effect. Once the nipple cream has given you some relief, try again if you want to...,

Ouch, OP! Don't for a second feel bad about this. You have a happy baby.

Well done for persevering for so long. The first few days of breastmilk are the most important, and you gave that.
Enjoy your baby, you've made the right decision.

Just wanted to say you are amazing for trying so hard and my DD is formula fed (LF formula too ) and she is absolutely thriving.
I know people say breast is best and nutrionally it is but yours and your baby's overall well-being is far more important.
Ive also worked in nurserys for many years and met lots of children BF and FF and I can't say I have ever noticed a difference.

I remember this well my DC was a huge baby at 11lb 11oz BF was difficult - exactly as you describe it. It does get easier I promise. We gave one bottle of formula per day during a night feed. I was hallucinating with tiredness so can sympathise. Expressing was a god send.

OP I had an almost exact situation to you!!

And I completely agree to them being like a different baby when I switched to formula, he instantly relaxed too, I swear some babies just like a nice easy bottle nipple!

Formula was great, my DH loved feeding him, my family loved giving a bottle and it helped them bond with my DS too, It was great. Now my DS is a fantastic very healthy intelligent 3 year old and if I had another child I would go straight to formula and enjoy the first week a heck of a lot more than I did first time round!

Good luck with the first few weeks they are tough but it's just a tunnel, there is light at the other end.

The damage sounds very severe, awful for you.
BUT your nipples will heal remarkably fast, and the baby may well get better at it when a little bigger. You don't have to stop BF 100% if you don't want to, every bit of milk you give them is beneficial.
After a few days, maybe see how it goes and try again, let your boobs have some pressure off them with expressing by hand, you won't necessarily dry up and even if you do, you should be able to re-lactate.
If you would like to try to mix-feed now you are feeling less stressed out, get some help/advice from the La Leche League or an IBCLC advisor. Don;t feel like using formula right now is the end of BF unless you want it to be.

Well done you for getting to day 8. I would say it may be beneficial to get the tongue tie snipped anyway as it can affect weaning and speech (my DH has a slight speech impediment due to undiagnosed tongue tie).