Breastfeeding is over forever

5 replies

weebairn · 14/06/2016 13:09

Sorry, another of these threads. I don't know who to talk to really.

Stopped breastfeeding my youngest about 2 weeks ago now. I can't stop crying, I think it's a hormonal thing (I don't mind that we've stopped). It's just weird. I fed my eldest till 20 months, and I was pregnant again at that point, and youngest is 20 months now too and it's all over. I think I'm glad / relieved, but also a bit sad.

I ebf them both so early days were very intensive and I never had a night off or anything until much older. I work night shifts all weekend now and go away with mates. I just went away with my boyfriend which was really special.

My youngest had cancer at 10 months and I fed her all through that too, the surgery and the chemo. (She is doing really well now, is finished treatment.) It was the hardest thing ever cause I just needed some fucking space and she went back to newborn style feeding in hospital. I don't know if I ever really did her much good, but it was a time when I couldn't find words and I couldn't play with her, so I could only really give her that.

My boobs feel a bit tingly sometimes still.

I'm not having any more babies. It's a strange thing.

OP posts:

tiktok · 14/06/2016 13:25

:( :(

It is a chapter in your life that's over for sure.....you have done a really lovely thing, and don't minimise the nutritional and emotional support you gave your little one when she was so ill.

It's not unusual to feel sad about the end of bf, but it's not right to be unable to stop crying two weeks on....and the way you dismiss the bf you did when she was getting treatment is worrying. It sounds like a chat with your GP/HV about your feelings generally might be timely?

I do hope you get some support and start to feel better soon :(

Original poster

weebairn · 14/06/2016 13:32

"crying" is a bit of an overstatement - I feel "weepy" and teary a lot of the time. Kind of like I did a few days after giving birth.

Thanks tiktok. It's good to hear you say that, about the benefit. It was so horrible seeing her have chemo and sometimes I wondered if all the effort of breastfeeding was "worth it" when she was so ill and being given toxic drugs anyway, I feel I was a pretty useless mum in lots of ways partly cause I was SO tired. I don't know. I'm glad we got to finish it on our own terms though, not in the middle of all that. I am still having some sporadic counselling through the children's hospital so maybe I'll bring it up with her next time I go.

OP posts:

tiktok · 14/06/2016 13:46

Just speaking immunologically - breastfeeding is a fabulous support for the immune system, so while the toxic drugs would be attacking it (necessarily, to zap the cancer), your breastfeeding would be undermining the negative effects, for sure. There is some serious research going on looking at the benefits of adults getting donated expressed breastmilk as part of therapy against cancer, so of course you have done a great thing.

And speaking emotionally and psychologically, the connection you maintained with her when she was ill and having things stuck in her and unfamiliar hands handling her.....priceless. You can't comfort a 10 month old very easily with words or explanations, and you did the comforting with your body and your milk.

Original poster

weebairn · 14/06/2016 15:25

Thank you tiktok. Really.

OP posts:

FurryGiraffe · 14/06/2016 18:09

^This

I don't have any of tiktok's expertise, but you absolutely shouldn't doubt the value of BF her when she was so ill. The newborn style feeding surely tells you how much she needed and was comforted by it.

From me too

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